From good, to bad, to worse...Coming soon, worst.

[Joe3140]

I asked one of my friends, Matt, (who I sort of secretly liked) if he was gay. That was two months ago. He hasn't talked to me since. Apparently thats some kind of outrageous question. And him and his best friend, Josh, basically stopped even making eye contact with me. They both think I'm just a mean kid, and I talk trash, etc. But all that rage was sparked by a single question?

This tore our group of guy friends apart. My best friend, Nick, didn't really take sides. So the group was awkward for a while, but eventually we could all hang out, and josh and matt would just avoid me.

Then about 3 weeks ago, while drunk, Josh told me he didnt want to start drama in the group, but he had to side with his best friend so thats why he had been so mean. But that didn't completely fix it, he's still not open and good friends with me, and its still awkward but we can at least make due in group conversations together.

But I'm still kind of torn apart that I never got any sort of closure to my friendship with Matt.

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I'm gay. I've told two people so far, both of them were girls, erin and emily. I really want to tell my best friend, Nick. But I don't want to do anything I may later regret.

Nick is my best friend, but hes not like dependent on me, he has a girl friend of one year, emily (knows my sexuality). Me and emily have talked about what nick's reaction might be, but we have no clue what it would be like. He has targeted me for a lot of gay jokes (not jokes on me), more like hes pretending to do gay things etc. Maybe its just because I'm close with him, or maybe because I go along with the jokes and were both able to laugh together. I don't know if he is trying to figure me out, or has any suspicion.
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^^^ That was my post earlier this week in another forum.


I told Nick that I was bi (to be safer than saying full out gay, not knowing his reaction). At first he was pretty cool about it. He said he would try not to change, but he was sort of a homophobe so it would be hard, but he would really try.

The next day I saw Nick in person and we sort of talked about it. He basically denied the fact. Told me I'm not bi and I just need to get over this confused phase. I told him we would talk later because it was awkward in person and there were other people around.

Later I texted him. And he basically told me we cant be friends unless I'm straight. And that I'm just confused. Eventually I just said ok whatever, I'm straight and I was just confused. He didn't believe that. So I had to come up with a sort of skewed story about how I was just confused but now I know I'm straight etc. So I took back everything and Nick said we can go back to being best friends etc.

At this point I was pretty pissed at life. So I started talking to Erin (knew the whole situation and my sexuality) and getting advice and stuff. At one point I was thinking about matt, nick, my sexuality, my friends and everything, and it put me in the lowest mood I've ever been in. And I went to text erin. It included a sentece saying "you can't even imagine how much i hate my life".

The next morning I realized that erin had never texted me back, so I went through my sent messages and saw that I accidently sent it to Matt. Immediately I texted him saying it wasn't meant for him. But he hasn't texted me back in two months so I didn't expect a response anyway. So now he knows I hate my life and may even think I sent it to him on purpose, trying to guilt him or something.

Today I woke up feeling ok. Now that the problem with Nick was settled. And I was back to where I was a week ago, with just Matt hating me, but he was at the beach with his family anyway. But I knew in the back of my head Nick still wouldn't be the same towards me. So I texted around asking people what's goin on today. Eventually I found out that Nick and Josh went down to Matt's beach house that his family rented for two days.

That's basically where I am right now as I'm writing this. And I only expect things to get worse. I'm guessing by the end of summer they'll all just stop hanging out with me all together. I'm done with hoping things will get better. Because thats what everyone told me when Matt began hating me. My response was always "I'll listen to you, and hope for the best. But I know deep down this won't get better." Needless to say, I was right and that didn't get better. And I know this time will be the same.


That's my vent. Thanks for reading if you were able to read through that whole thing and understand.


P.S. One thing I don't want to hear: "They were never your friends in the first place then", because they were the best friends I've ever had, and honestly that doesn't help at all. It just makes me feel like I've wasted the past two years more than I already feel I have.

[mrmcdonaldduck]

you should try and find a different group of friends, maybe if there is a gay group in your school. i dont think that you could repair the friendship with any of the guys. it would be easier to try make new friends.

[teendude_1991]

Whew, pretty long post, but I feel you man. I had two friends that I kept through elementary school and we all pretty much broke apart during high school, and during this past year at high school, we stopped talking almost entirely, like I would be sitting in the same room and we could go a whole hour without speaking, and now that it's summer we haven't really spoken except once. One of the guys I stopped talking to about a year ago and he doesn't know that I sorta like guys and if he had of our friendship would have been over a lot sooner. So here is my advice. You don't need them. I know sometimes it seems like your friends should know that your gay, but no matter how good of a person they are, they might not be able to accept it. They could be a saint, but the knowledge their best friend is gay could tear them apart. That's the way life is. I'm reminded of an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch where she told her friends, her best friends mind you, she was a witch, and they freaked out, like it somehow made her a bad person. People can just be illogical like that. So I think you do need a new set of friends, but don't tell them right off you're gay. Keep it on the down low, like REAL low, until you're sure they will be comfortable with it. If they never will be, then don't tell them. It's your personal life and it's what makes you happy that counts. Your personal happiness should come over friends. Always remember that you are loyal to you, and your friends will either accept it or not. There are kindred spirits out there that you can share things with, and you may or may not find them, but they are out there.:D

[Joe3140]

so what did you do teendude? Just go without any good friends for a while? Thats what I might have to do but I dont even like the though of that.

[tbboltz92]

some ppl jus can't deal with the fact that someone is gay. people have this thing where when they get really close to someone it's hard to hear news like that. trust me your friends will come around and rhe will realize that ur the same awsome person they knew before they found out ur sexuality. trust me give it time it's a big adjustment for friends to find out another friend is gay. It will get better give it time

[poolkmnhy]

so i just wont to say ya that sucks no geting around it but it is hard to move on from friends even more when u dont want to and i am in a similer situation and u just need to now that over the course of u life and even now more then eva ur friends change constantly i was a part of a great group and they where my best friendsi even came out to one of them (agirl ) but now over a littel fight we never hang and its hard and ova time u will take away from this that u know what i miss them but i dont need them i dont need them to servive u can and will grow from this

[mosaic.]

I'm really sorry about this. Your situation actually makes me sad. What's worse is that your best friend doesn't accept you for who you are. And that being said, I wouldn't cut him out of your life, but find other friends who are more accepting. Time should change things between that whole group. I don't know how your friends are, but I would approach Matt and come clean about why you asked him if he was gay.
Even in he doesn't accept you in the end, at least he'll know that your intentions were not to be rude or outrageous.

If he wants to let your friendship deteriorate after that, well, at least now you migt have an honest direction of where to go.

Again, I'm sorry. Good luck, and stay optimistic!

[teendude_1991]

well, what I did was I found solace in the arms of other friends, I reevaluated who were my true friends and found that I didn't really have anything in common with the old ones anyways, and this summer I couldn't have been happier because I have spent a lot of time with these other friends, and it is a true bond of friendship