No Ambition

[Waiting]

okay this might just be a bit of a rant here,
i'm not seeking help, just need to get it down on paper

for those who don't know me, a little background information.
ever since i was 13 i've had a long history of depression, self harm , drug abuse, a couple of suide attempts that have ended me up in hospital etc...
well when i was 18, probably around the same time i dissapered from vt, i put an end to all of it, it took a hell of a lot but i managed, with the help of my girlfriend stop my self harm, come out of my depression, stopped all the drug abuse, and turned into a relativly normal human being, of corse i had the odd slip now and again but nothing too serious,

well back in feb/march i think a year of feelings had built up and after a relativly minor incident i took a big overdose and ended up in hospital. not fun.
ever since ive had my good friend depression keeping me company and it's led me into a bit of a downward spiral.
but after my mother and my girlfriend both picking up on this, they convinced me to go back to the docters and see what he would suggest to help me out.

so, i went and saw the dr, and with him knowing all my medical history, and knowing about the recent overdose, told me there was nothing to worry about, im just a teenager with no ambition and this is my problem. he told me i'm not different from any 19year old and pretty much gave me a grilling...

so this last visit to the dr. has left me feeling even more low and just feeling terrible,
am i just a normal 19yr old? am i making a fuss over nothing?
im not a hypochondriact (sp?), i know that, and i after 6 years on and off of feeling down, i dont understand how he can just not help me.

for the record i do have ambition, just because i'm working as a bartender at the moment doesnt mean im going to do it my whole life, im just earning some money to go away again at the moment, and in less than a year in the job ive passed my personal lisence for the sale of alcohol, and 3pay rises in my job so far.
no ambition?
excuse my language but Fuck you dr.robinson.

[Lost_and_fallen]

I knew there was a reason I was doing a social work degree.
(Apart from the fact that someone has to compensate for every shitty person in the healthcare system...)
Ask to see a different doctor and tell them that you want to the details of a community mental health team or something similar and that you want them to do an assessment. That's all perfectly within your rights. GP's can tell you shit all about depression and mental illness, you need to see someone who specialises in it.
And in my humble opinion, you're not a hypochondriac, and you're definitely far from normal haha
xx

[Atonement]

Well, what is normal? I know its kind of cliche, but what is normal? Is normal getting through life? Well, then you're normal. To society, your problems are probably fucked up since they aren't "normal". The doctor sounds like a daft tard. But, I think you have ambition and for that doctor to say you are like this for not having ambition, I say bullshit. I have been through similarly themed things and I am one of the most ambitious people I know which is why I feel like a failure etc. But for a doctor to say its your fault for not having ambition, that's screwed up.

[Waiting]

but now i've had a confidence knock,
i've just lost all faith in anybody that say that they can help just turn me away
i dunno, but this latest setback has made me not even be able to tell mum or anyone else when im feeling down.
it's all a load of wank.

[Atonement]

You're older and wiser than I, and I can't tell you anything you don't already know because you know it, but all I can do is remind you that if you don't speak up and want the change for yourself, then nothing will happen. You have to keep fighting to the end no matter what means. :) PM me if you ever want to talk even though it appears you already have enough friends around here :P

[byee]

Nobody knows you as well as you know yourself. Based on your history, you've had some pretty hard knocks. The q now is, are you recovered. You don't need a professional to answer that, you need to figure that one out on your own.

What the Doc can do, is help you reach your goals, help you be where you want to be. Maybe you shouldn't be relying on him to tell you what you already know, but maybe you need to find a well qualified doc who will work with you to help you be all you can be, and all you want to be, and put the past into perspective for you so it's truly over and cannot come back at someother time to grab you down again.

Unfortunately, therapy isn't just a science, it's not as simple as saying 'Ahhhh', and letting him have a look see into the darkness. He needs to have some intuition and training and interpersonal skills, in the absence of one or more of those, a lot believe that putting an emotional salve on it, like "You're really OK" is sufficient and actually helpful. But like the salve, they usually stink more than they help. Find that professional who is trained and qualified if you feel you need to, and get form life what you deserve.