Weird

[eikookmi]

I'm alright and all. But does anyone ever feel like they miss those horrible feelings or want it at times. But at the same time you don't want to go all through that remembering how rock bottom feels like. Even cutting just to cut. Or maybe i'm just being weird. Like everything could easily come back you know but i don't let it. But its just weird. Like. Why would i miss those feelings when they ruined me and was the worse thing ever?

[Hyper]

Well only you can explain why you feel the things you do.

For me feeling something you've described is really unexplainable.. It isn't reasonable and its just somesort of bad crawling feeling that I make go away when it crops up..

[1_21Guns]

Maybe its just because you were so used to feeling like that, you just want to go back to how it felt, just to remember properly how it was then.

[itsandrew_]

No offence but why would you even want to feel like this? these feelings are probally some of the werst feellings anyone would want to feel. I know when i feel like this i don't want to have feellings ever again

[Gumleaf]

moving: depression >> cutting

[eikookmi]

Don't know if i mentioned it, but yeah it is the worst feeling ever. So like i said, it doesn't make sense why i would want it at times. And perhaps i do feel it comforting, but that doesn't make sense either. Why would breaking down be comforting? Because it really isn't.

[Project Delta]

Yeah i used to because i felt it made me a whole person but it doesnt really it just opens the ga more

[ocean_blue]

yeah but with me, when i get those feelings bak, i also get the 1s like strange happiness, and calm control 4 the first time in ages, like now everythings crystal clear.
4 a while they rule, before all the regret, anger nd general horribleness kick in.
so maybe its those 1s i miss, but remembering all the bad 1s that it made me feel shows me that i dont wanna go bak, even wen i think i do.
so maybe its a gd thing, that in hindsight u remember all the bad things, cos it makes sure u never do it again.
or is that just me...

[eikookmi]

Well when it does come back it only comes back for maybe a day or two the most because i get so tired of pushing it away. But it's just sometimes scary to think of the possibility of it staying.

[wildeyed]

I'm alright and all. But does anyone ever feel like they miss those horrible feelings or want it at times. But at the same time you don't want to go all through that remembering how rock bottom feels like. Even cutting just to cut. Or maybe i'm just being weird. Like everything could easily come back you know but i don't let it. But its just weird. Like. Why would i miss those feelings when they ruined me and was the worse thing ever?

when i was at my worst a year or two ago, i would get this. i think i somehow got to the point where i would s.h just for the sake of it (as rediculous as that sounds). maybe i'd be bored, or i hadnt done it that day, but i'd get to a point where it was almost like; "ok, well i havent been down today, maybe ill just get it over with now, because i am everyday" I never miss those feelings, but for so long.. it was apart of who i was and it became all i knew at the time. it was routine, it was craving and it was a little piece of secrecy and what was then, normalcy to me. what i'm trying to say is, these feelings happen - alot at first. but eventually, after some time its less frequent.. and you'll find yourself so thankful for the day you stopped and kept yourself safe.

[eikookmi]

Yes you are correct. Regardless i couldn't help but to scratch a blade against my skin. And a friend today was just scratching hard at my arm, not bleeding or anything like that. Just like red marks afterwards and i would let her and tell her to because it felt good. It was so hard that you can still see pink marks on my skin. And the girl im dating sits behind me and was watching and she knew i liked it. Just eh. It feels good. Blah.

[wildeyed]

I know where your coming from..
I have a Labrador puppy at the moment (she's about... 9 months old) and she loves
to jump and play and without fail, I'll get several scratches a week and it's so triggering sometimes because I think "i could turn that scratch into something much worse.." because it feels good. But to me that isn't a good enough reason to start again, so I take that good feeling and put it into something positive like a run or something :)