i don't even know.

[ylllek nivyer]

okay. this is kinda hard for me too talk about in a serious matter. and i'm not even sure why i'm posting this thread. i don't know what i'm looking for. ever since Thursday, May 28th things have been much different for me in this aspect of my life but it's starting to bleed into other parts of me as well. i was raped. but not by just a stranger, by some one i trusted alot. and if you knew more about me you would know that i've had many trust issues prior to this incident, and that i'm fairly good at reading and predicting people. but i guess my instincts failed me that day. so, i guess i just really need to get this out to make me feel better, because as of now, i'm not healing. i feel so unsettled. i'm not over it. i mean, i'm over him, of corse, but this is really affecting me in a negative way. i'm angry alot now. and i'm not afraid to tell anybody to go f*ck themselves over even the littlest things. and heaven forbid someone say something even slightly related to the guy who did this. certain songs piss me off now. so, i can't really listen to the radio anymore. i can't get on myspace. because it reminds me so much of the past. it hurts. if something comes at me the wrong way i break down and just cry and cry and punch things. i don't know what to do to make myself feel better. i'm isolating myself from practically everyone around me. and i feel so guilty about it. like it was my fault and its always on my mind. if not directly its always lurking in the back of my head. i'm obnoxious to myself. in my brain everything is like a ginormous contradiction all over. it's kinda hard for me to explain all this. i'm so happy i'm going to a different school next year. okay, so i'll kinda try to explain the story. i'm not stupid and i know that sex does not equal love and if you have sex before the right time or you just have sex so some one will be with you then you probly won't have a sucsessful relationship. so i had been talking to this guy, cody. and we had dated before and it was a nice relationship and only ended because of some stupid stuff. but then we decided to try it again. and cody was really nice and i respected him alot as a strong person, and most of all, i trusted him. so, anyways, we were gonnna date, but he was goin to cali for a week so we decided to postpone the officiallness(?) until he got back, but he wanted to spend an afternoon together before he left, so on the last day of school i went over to his mom's appartment with him so we could hang. keep in mind this appartment was like 30 minutes from where i live. so, his mom came and picked us up directly after school and i had never been with a guy outside of school in a dating manner with out my mom there, or not far from reach. so this was a fairly big thing for me. so we got there and his mom left us there and we were all makin out and stuff, you know, and he was like, "do you wanna fuck?" and i was like, "no." he was like "okay." and he jsut smiled and kissed me and it made me feel sooo good cause it was so reassuring that i could trust him and he wouldn't get mad at me for not wanting to have sex with him. so, then his mom got back and we went some places and did some laundry, and basically just had a good time together. we were laying on his couch and watchin tv and i was literally falling asleep leaning in his arms and it was like 20 mins before i had to leave and he was like, "do you wanna go back to my bedroom?" and i was like "yea." i honestly just wanted to get horizontal. so, we went in there and this was a small appartment and his mom was directly on the other side of the wall where we were so we couldn't do much, i figured. so we were makin out again, and things were gettin more passionate but then he started being really rough with me, and biting me really hard and stuff. so i was like stop it and he wouldnt, he just held me down tighter and kept going further. and i know his mom could hear me screaming. i still have scars on my chest from him. then he just kinda did it. i went all limp and started crying. all while he was on top of me. then after a couple minutes he got up and was like, "whatever, your not even good." then he put on his pants and left the room. then we got in the car and his mom took me home. i cryed most the way. but i'm a quick thinker, i knew i had to act fine in front of my mom, or else she would feel bad for letting me go with him. she would feel guilty. she still doesnt know. i tell her everything and it hurts so much that i can't tell her this. my close friends know tho. so i don't even know whats going on inside of me now. its like i only want to date out of habit, not because i really want any one. and the thought of really having sex now is like not even an option. please, any advice would be much appreciated.
and i'm sorry this was so long.

[Aves]

I say you tell the cops, what this guy did to you is big. It isn't something you should just let bye. For all you know, he could have gotten you pregnant, you would have realized by now, but he also could have given you an STD. Just don't be afraid to tell the cops, this is unforgivable, and I'm so sorry.

[ylllek nivyer]

I say you tell the cops, what this guy did to you is big. It isn't something you should just let bye. For all you know, he could have gotten you pregnant, you would have realized by now, but he also could have given you an STD. Just don't be afraid to tell the cops, this is unforgivable, and I'm so sorry.


i've already thought about this, i don't wanna go thru all that. i just wanna forget. he didn't cum. and he was a virgin. so, no prego, no STD's. just pain.

[Aves]

i've already thought about this, i don't wanna go thru all that. i just wanna forget. he didn't cum. and he was a virgin. so, no prego, no STD's. just pain.

Alright, well, I would go through the trouble of the law, you get money, and you could help other girls who end up going out with him. I don't know, not wanting to go through it is you're choice, not mine.

[AllThatIsLeft]

too long. read the first part, tho. thats all..


so sorry

If you have nothing to contribute to the the thread. Do not post. ~ UntamedWolf

[Bougainvillea]

Reading about my wife getting raped is heartbreaking.

I suggest telling the local authorities, Reyvin. His mom could have done something, but she didn't which is also bad.

I have been in a situation like this, and believe me, telling someone is the best option. :}

[kyle95]

this really is painful to read. my question is simple: why don't you report the rape, there's no statute of limitations on rape, and a few months ago is not a long time ago. call the police and file a complaint. the law doesn't take rape lightly.

you've done nothing wrong. this beast got his jollies from humiliating you. don't turn inward on yourself because the end result is further pain. you did the right thing by telling us, now take it a step further and inform the authorities. an animal like that ought to punished - severely for that crime - and indeed this is a crime that has been perpetrated against you. be strong and go on the offensive and put that bastard on the retreat - you've hurt yourself long enough.

i've already thought about this, i don't wanna go thru all that. i just wanna forget. he didn't cum. and he was a virgin. so, no prego, no STD's. just pain.


a virgin animal firing blanks nonetheless doesn't lessen his crime. understand that it's a crime, if you don't, you'll never get over it.

[babyskela]

thats really upsetting, i'm appaled that his mother didn't do anything.
It must really hurt inside, stay strong hun x

[Aves]

I feel sooooooooooooooo sorry, but you still need to turn him in, it's not like he stole a candy bar, and it's 10x's worse than robbing the US Mint. This is a HUGE DEAL.

[ylllek nivyer]

but you don't get that my mom can't find out or she will regret ever letting me go. then that would ruin me ever having a boyfriend again until i'm like 18. she would be over protective to the max. not to be mean, or punish me, but just cuz she would feel like she's protecting me. and i don't want that. and i really want as few people to know about it as possible. nobody wants damaged goods. thats pretty much all i feel like now. and i don't want people to know.

[rubidoux]

Does your school have a psychologist or a counselor for students to talk to? That would be a good place to start. I think you need to get your feelings about the incident sorted out before you do anything else, and talking with a professional can do wonders for that sort of thing. If it's out of your school counselor's league, he/she can usually help you find an appropriate professional.

[ylllek nivyer]

i already have a professional counselor, and she hasn't really been able to tell me much. and she knows about it all. i spent all week with her last week. 9:00am-4:00pm on mon-fri. she has helped me through many tough times in my life, but this is different. almost more traumatic for some reason. altogether, i'm just thuroughly confused and don't even know what answers i'm even looking for. i don't even really have any questions. i guess i just want some one to tell me whats going on. idk, i sound like an idiot.

[kyle95]

right, take a step back and sort out ALL your emotions and look carefully at what is making you so confused:
is it the act itself?
the lack of concern from his mum?
the fact that he thinks he got away with it?
you're afraid to tell your mum?
you were compromised because you trusted him?

there's a pattern here. I don't see anywhere where you can blame yourself for anything. that's where i think you're confusion lies. understand this point. once you do, then you can objectively look at this as a crime committed against you. By the by, Police can be quite subtle about this as can most authorities. not acting on this will magnify the problem and unfortunately create another victim for that animal. also, don't underestimate your mum's reaction and concern. for the sake of maintaining a few privileges, you're condemning yourself for the rest of your life to have to live with something that the criminal should be doing time for and reflecting over.

[ebony15]

if he's a virgin.. how can he say" YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOOD"?
So i think--he probably fooled you there.

I'm really sorry girl :(
but..you know, maybe through this experience you can learn from it.. I guess trusting too much can sometimes end up the wrong way.. Dont give all your trust away--you need to leave something for yourself.. But dont feel down ok?... There's someone who loves you ..and thats your mom and dad ..

[ylllek nivyer]

eh, no dad. but i have the best mom in the world. an its not even that i trusted him so much. i didn't trust him that much at all actually. my guard was still way up. i never would have guessed that my trust would have had to be a physical thing tho. i understand you probly think i'm just another stupid teenage girl, but i'm not. i swear. i usually play dudes that are like 20, and this one was like 15. so, show's even more that young guys are just not for me.

[Gumleaf]

i feel so sorry for you. that experience i can imagine would be so traumatic for you and i commend you on the way you were even able to type it out here. i think rape is one of the most horrible things that someone can do to someone else. i know you are dead set against this but i think telling your mum might be a positive move. you said you have a good relationship with your mum so although she might be over protective of you, i think thats a better result then you continuing to suffer as much as you are. your mum's support would be invaluable, and then you might be able to expand on the help you are getting. you may benefit from seeing a phycologist? i've never been in your situation, obviously, but the best thing you can do is find as much support as possible, because that support will get you through this emotional pain. i'm so sorry you have had to deal with all this, you certainly don't deserve it.