I've never wanted that razor so badly...

[1_21Guns]

I admited to my friend, that the night after she told me not to cut, if not for my sake, hers, I cut. And that I sat there crying "I'm sorry linda" for hours on end because I felt so guilty. She now feels really sad but I had to tell her, and she came up with the topic by asking me when I last cut.
I want that razor so bad right now, I feel such an idiot, Ive done it again, I cause nothing but trouble and upset. Whats the point? I'm losing it again, I feared I was suicidal again the other night, but now I mean it, Im scared. Im scared of myself again, and ive gone back to feeling the empty feeling I had back then. I wont kill myself, i'm not selfish enough, but that might not stop me trying. Im sorry. I wasnt ready to chuck the razor, I should of known this would happen.

I'm still weak, but stronger than I thaught. I walked into the bathroom, and saw a razor (not the one I cut with, thats in a bin, out of my house, where I cant possibly get it) but then told myself "dont you dare" and just about managed to resist the urge, only just though. I'll be able to resist now, but I dont know if I will when I have to come off the laptop. I'm always weaker then.

[Harley Quinn]

Its not your fault but you do need to get rid of it and please dont do anything stupid cos every one on here cares about you .your friend cares about you very much
Noone is an idiot it was just a mistake

[MadManWithaBox]

its not your fault getting rid of the razor seems like a good first step, you just tried to run before you could walk. the nighttime is always the worst time, as there's little in the way of distractions. pm me if you need to talk, il be on till late,and watch a good film or tv program, something that makes you laugh, take your mind off it. it was a good friend telling your friend. shows you trust her. you want the razor now, its always hard right at the start, it gets easier with time

[Harley Quinn]

Pm any of us we are here to help as samus said it will get easy with time .you are strong and you can resist it

[dstnyisurs]

We're all here if you need us. (:
Love, it's going to be hard and you're going to have freak-out moments.
You will get better. It is entirely possible. You have a friend- a motivation. That can help you stop. That's how I stopped for so long before, because I had the pressure and motivation of my boyfriend at the time and my (now ex) best friend. You can stop this. I have faith in you.
I'm always here if you need to talk.

[1_21Guns]

Thanks guys,
Kyrra, your right, it was just a freak out moment, I just lost it for a while, I feel better now i've had some sleep. Although I still feel guilty because I bet my friends still blaming herself for it all. I'm not sure if I should of told her or not now, I thaught I was doing the right thing, but because it really upset her, I feel so guilty.

[dstnyisurs]

That's good you feel better. (: Try to talk to your friend about it, and find out out if she does blame herself. She may not, or if she does she may not if you talk to her about it.
It's a messy battle trying to quit, and people get hurt but it's all in the name of a good cause - trying to stop you from cutting. Hopefully your friend will not mind in the name of trying to get you to stop.

[1_21Guns]

I spoke to her and made sure she didnt think it was her fault, she said she didnt think it was hers anymore, but I have my doubts. We had a little conversation about it and its better now.

[Harley Quinn]

So you two are on level terms. How you feeling now

[1_21Guns]

hm. better than last night, still abit shaken up really because I had abit of a breakdown after I started this thread, but OK overall. I'm certianly stronger than I was last night. Thanks for asking.

[Harley Quinn]

Hey anytime im here to help.:)

[1_21Guns]

thanks :)

[dstnyisurs]

That's good you're feeling stronger.
You don't need to cut. You can beat this, lovie.
I'm here if you need me.

[Corey G.]

I think my quote says enough.

[1_21Guns]

Thanks,
your right, I dont need to cut, and I can beat it.

[Harley Quinn]

Yes you can you are strong i believe in you