long distance and internet relationships

[YesterdaysNews]

what are your thoughts?

I met a guy over the internet, and we have been "dating" 6 months now. he lives in the US and I in canada, but he was planning on coming for a visit in august or september. I know all about stranger danger and that stuff so dont lecture me please, I just want to know other peoples' feelings on the subject of long distance/internet relationships.

[Underground_Network]

I was close to ending up in an online relationship.

I'm very good friends with a few girls on here, and I've gotten to know some of them really well, and I'd certainly be willing to meet them in real life.

And even though I don't have an "online girlfriend" (though I'm really close to getting an "in real life" girlfriend), I don't see anything wrong with having a long distance/internet relationship.

Though you should definitely be sure that the person you're falling for is "for real" and that they're not deceiving you.

[YesterdaysNews]

I am 98.9 % sure that he is real, I know his full name, his address, his phone number, his aunts phone number ect. we have spoken on the phone before so I am almost certain that he is "for real".
thanks for your input :]
<3

[Loislane]

Do you mind me asking how old you are and how old he is?

[Origami]

It's very risky, it takes a lot of faith actually.
Before meeting of course find a way to be sure he's who he says he is.

Sometimes there isn't doubt, I honestly believed Eryka was who she was, and to my knowledge she's still that girl I feel in love way back when.

To be honest as far as opinions, I think it's a possibility, I think it's dangerous and everyone should be careful with it, but I've seen them work and I know they can. I also think if photos are in absence for so long, it can also remove lust from being the primary factor. So in that sense it's better than face to face.

[YesterdaysNews]

I'm 14, and he will be 20, in december. but please dont judge based on age, I'm mature for my age and its only 6 years, If I was 20 and he was 26 it wouldnt be a big deal... my parents had a 10 year age difference, my grandparents 7, my friends parents 13.

I honestly believe that he is telling me the truth about himself, I have no doubt... but I know he could just be a really good liar.
on the whole meeting thing, I have a plan, bring a friend and going to a place with people. I know its dangerous but its a risk I want to take, I dont believe he is going to take advantage of me but... who really knows?

[MysticalBurrito]

It's not safe being that close to someone that old!
I seriously don't recommend online relationships

[YesterdaysNews]

sometimes being close to someone with a different age can be a good thing.

[Underground_Network]

Sometimes.

Just keep in mind you only live your life once.

Go for it if you want to.

Don't if there's a part of you that's worried or unsure.

Just a part of you.

Do what you want to, but THINK first.

And THINK hard.

You only live life ONCE.

You can't undo a decision once it's made and you go through with it.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Obv take all the warnings that have been said. I can't say anything that won't be repeating.

I personally, have lost faith in them, but I know how you feel. My first and only love was over the internet. And we ended badly... I'm sorry I'm not much help. Just be careful.

[damn almonds]

I am 98.9 % sure that he is real, I know his full name, his address, his phone number, his aunts phone number ect. we have spoken on the phone before so I am almost certain that he is "for real".
thanks for your input :]
<3

not good enough. 110% or nothing. u said it urself.... it was YOU.... no way! to dangerous, and u did the most talking here.

kitchen & food tips go along with relationships & dating too! "if u gotta doubt, throw it out"

[YesterdaysNews]

the only reason I doubt anything is because I know voices can be decieving. my friend sounds like an old man on the phone (I know him personally) but hes 14. josh (the guy) sounds 16 on the phone, although he is almost 20. but the only way to know for sure is to meet in person...

[damn almonds]

^^^ if u wanna meet him in person.....

ask your mom AND your dad. make sure its ok with them. if not, no. if its ok w/ only one--- NO.

if u gonna meet him in person, have ur mom and dad (definately) there, and atleast THREE other family members and atleast two friends. this will keep u protected. better yet, if u know a cop, keep him there for the visit. with the cop, you'll really be safe. :) glad i could help.


DO THIS. IF U REALLLY WNNA MEET HIM. DO THIS.

MY BEST PIECE OF ADVICE!

[Aves]

I just got outa one. It wasn't good, and I'd still say I've always been single (yes, technically it was my first, but it was too dumb after the first day). Anyway, I would see the guy in a very open public place, and don't give away any non-changeable info (address). Just be safe.

[YesterdaysNews]

^^^ if u wanna meet him in person.....

ask your mom AND your dad. make sure its ok with them. if not, no. if its ok w/ only one--- NO.

if u gonna meet him in person, have ur mom and dad (definately) there, and atleast THREE other family members and atleast two friends. this will keep u protected. better yet, if u know a cop, keep him there for the visit. with the cop, you'll really be safe. :) glad i could help.


DO THIS. IF U REALLLY WNNA MEET HIM. DO THIS.

MY BEST PIECE OF ADVICE!


my dad is dead so I'd only be asking my mom, but thanks alot for your thoughts and wanting me to be safe, I do appreciate it.

i trust him with my life. i know that sounds stupid because he could be lying but i LOVE him, and I'm not the kind of person that throws the word "love" around.

[Mzor203]

I personally don't see anything long with online relationships as long as you guys see each other at some point. Otherwise it just gets hopeless, but yeah. I, personally wouldn't approve of the age gap, but that's just me. Go for it, I'd say, if all your parents are ok with it.

[Aves]

Personally, I don't see the point of an online relationship anymore.
Long distance is another story, because IMO it means that you have met, and it won't be weird, cause you have a reason to actually tell you're parent's w/o havin to meet for the first time.


PS: sorry for akward wording.

[jstamps1213]

i met a girl on myspace and we talked for three years without meeting and i loved her but she lived about 30 minutes from me and everyone said it wouldnt work and it didnt. iv given up on internet relationships

[optimashprime]

what are your thoughts?

I met a guy over the internet, and we have been "dating" 6 months now. he lives in the US and I in canada, but he was planning on coming for a visit in august or september. I know all about stranger danger and that stuff so dont lecture me please, I just want to know other peoples' feelings on the subject of long distance/internet relationships.

yh its ok in my book as long as you love him and he loves you thats all that matters

[AutumnDae]

Does your mom know about him?

[Cloud]

the only reason I doubt anything is because I know voices can be decieving. my friend sounds like an old man on the phone (I know him personally) but hes 14. josh (the guy) sounds 16 on the phone, although he is almost 20. but the only way to know for sure is to meet in person...

its the voice thing thats worrying me here
are you basing this of his voice and pictures n stuff???
i strongly suggest that you use things like a webcam so you can be sure he is who he says he is. if he refuses jsut refuse to meet him until he does. if your sure hes who he says he is then and youve seen it then by all means go for it but just be careful cos if you dont then you may end up with a 40 year old guy knocking on your door

[YesterdaysNews]

Does your mom know about him?

not yet, I am trying to find the right way to tell her so there will be minimal amounts of judgement. but I know in my heart she will not understand, she thinks the internet is just a gateway for perverts, murderers and pedophiles. she doesnt think that there are some good, honest people on the web.

[Truth]

I'm 14, and he will be 20, in december. but please dont judge based on age, I'm mature for my age and its only 6 years, If I was 20 and he was 26 it wouldnt be a big deal... my parents had a 10 year age difference, my grandparents 7, my friends parents 13.

I honestly believe that he is telling me the truth about himself, I have no doubt... but I know he could just be a really good liar.
on the whole meeting thing, I have a plan, bring a friend and going to a place with people. I know its dangerous but its a risk I want to take, I dont believe he is going to take advantage of me but... who really knows? You know that's illegal and immoral, right? Haha. You're making a biiiiiiig mistake. Ohwell, then again you are only just 14! So, when he dumps you after using you, just blame yourself.. (This aint cause the 'age gap', that's what older online guys to young online girls like you. =/ )


Anyways, my opinion on internet relationships: Waste of time. Why? I dated 12 girls, 11 cheated on me, no joke. Girls always bothered me and put all their drama on me and i don't even know them, it really was worse then being alone. =-=

[Origami]

You know that's illegal and immoral, right? Haha. You're making a biiiiiiig mistake. Ohwell, then again you are only just 14! So, when he dumps you after using you, just blame yourself.. (This aint cause the 'age gap', that's what older online guys to young online girls like you. =/ )


Anyways, my opinion on internet relationships: Waste of time. Why? I dated 12 girls, 11 cheated on me, no joke. Girls always bothered me and put all their drama on me and i don't even know them, it really was worse then being alone. =-=

In the general since of online dating, this stereotype holds true, but there is always difference. The fact of the matter is, the internet is one of man's greatest and worst innovations. It has created millions of social and networking opportunities, but all the same it's an open door for perverts and illegal activity. For each bonus there is a downside. About the illegal fact. Yes, due to age, without parental consent, it it illegal, however I don't like how you stereotype him. Not everyone, even though the majority do, will use people in such a manner. Some people truly believe in internet love and fall for younger or older people only. About the cheating, it's a matter of faith, if you can't believe or have doubt, don't go for it.

[Truth]

In the general since of online dating, this stereotype holds true, but there is always difference. The fact of the matter is, the internet is one of man's greatest and worst innovations. It has created millions of social and networking opportunities, but all the same it's an open door for perverts and illegal activity. For each bonus there is a downside. About the illegal fact. Yes, due to age, without parental consent, it it illegal, however I don't like how you stereotype him. Not everyone, even though the majority do, will use people in such a manner. Some people truly believe in internet love and fall for younger or older people only. About the cheating, it's a matter of faith, if you can't believe or have doubt, don't go for it. I'm not sterotyping, but sadly it's the truth. No self respecting 20 year old is honestly going to go for a 14 year old. Im not trying to offend anyone, but it's true. If she was 16-17, i could believe he'd fall for her. But a 20 year old and 14 year old's gap is alot different then a 20 and a 26 year olds, because of how un-experienced the 14 year old is, and how the 20 year old will most likely want something 'physical'. Sure, the odd chance that it isn't like this, it's usually for money. I've never seen any online relationships work out sadly, and for their age gap i can tell it wouldnt work out, especially in real life. And this is from what girls have told me, not just 'omg sterotype him!'. I just think it'll end up hurting her. =/

[Origami]

I'm not sterotyping, but sadly it's the truth. No self respecting 20 year old is honestly going to go for a 14 year old. Im not trying to offend anyone, but it's true. If she was 16-17, i could believe he'd fall for her. But a 20 year old and 14 year old's gap is alot different then a 20 and a 26 year olds, because of how un-experienced the 14 year old is, and how the 20 year old will most likely want something 'physical'. Sure, the odd chance that it isn't like this, it's usually for money. I've never seen any online relationships work out sadly, and for their age gap i can tell it wouldnt work out, especially in real life. And this is from what girls have told me, not just 'omg sterotype him!'. I just think it'll end up hurting her. =/

I've seen larger age gaps work in real life, with girls around 14 and such, so to be honest, it can and does work. You may not see it but it happens everyday, that's fact. And in these relationships, the guy normally respects both the girl and the parents and doesn't go after physical desire. Why? Law of course, if the parents are aware then the relationship is always a little bit safer. So she really should make haste with that part.
And to be honest, online dating does work, I've again seen it myself, I'm stuck in the middle of a lot of stuff like this. And to say he'd hurt her, think about it, we all get hurt, it's unavoidable. A 20yr can't hurt her anymore than a boy her age can, so on the grounds of being hurt, it's in every relationship, hands down.

[Truth]

I've seen larger age gaps work in real life, with girls around 14 and such, so to be honest, it can and does work. You may not see it but it happens everyday, that's fact. And in these relationships, the guy normally respects both the girl and the parents and doesn't go after physical desire. Why? Law of course, if the parents are aware then the relationship is always a little bit safer. So she really should make haste with that part.
And to be honest, online dating does work, I've again seen it myself, I'm stuck in the middle of a lot of stuff like this. And to say he'd hurt her, think about it, we all get hurt, it's unavoidable. A 20yr can't hurt her anymore than a boy her age can, so on the grounds of being hurt, it's in every relationship, hands down. Hm, no, i have not seen any 14 year olds have a good relationship with some one over the age of twenty, or even their own age for that matter, and no online dating i've ever seen has worked out. I've done it myself. Waste of time, after you give them what they want you're cheated on. And see, sure if a 14 yr old knows a 20 year old guy, he'll respect her, but you know, online is alot different for that whether you'll admit it or not.

Edit, one more thing, you say only physical things are illegal? No, him dating her could have him in prison if some one reported it.

[Origami]

Hm, no, i have not seen any 14 year olds have a good relationship with some one over the age of twenty, and no online dating i've ever seen has worked out. I've done it myself. Waste of time, after you give them what they want you're cheated on. And see, sure if a 14 yr old knows a 20 year old guy, he'll respect her, but you know, online is alot different for that whether you'll admit it or not.

I've seen a personal relationship a close friend of mine at 13 got together with an 18yr old, she's 17 and they're still together, no sex and such. Pamela, this of course is adults, met Jason online and after talking for 6months moved to Canada to be with him, married shortly after, they work. And to be honest, I'll use Eryka and I, I believe we would have worked if I hadn't of use foresight and judgment to end it for what I thought was better for her in the end. And that's why you don't give them what "they want," whatever you mean by that. Online relationships are actually an opportunity to find love, and remove lust. I feel in love with Eryka before I ever knew what she looked like, before I ever heard her voice. Love, not lust, one benefit. And yes, it is different, I never said it wasn't.

[Dreaming Cannibal]

In my opinion, long distance relationship hurt, a lot. Sadly my best friends live in a country that is in a different continent from the one i live in and truly i miss them a lot.
For Internet relationships, well if you are in love you are in love there is not much to it. you might get hurt once or 11 times either way you have to learn that at some point someone will love you back whether is the virtual life or the real one.

Be careful with "the guy" lol but go for it. : )

[Truth]

I've seen a personal relationship a close friend of mine at 13 got together with an 18yr old, she's 17 and they're still together, no sex and such. Pamela, this of course is adults, met Jason online and after talking for 6months moved to Canada to be with him, married shortly after, they work. And to be honest, I'll use Eryka and I, I believe we would have worked if I hadn't of use foresight and judgment to end it for what I thought was better for her in the end. And that's why you don't give them what "they want," whatever you mean by that. Online relationships are actually an opportunity to find love, and remove lust. I feel in love with Eryka before I ever knew what she looked like, before I ever heard her voice. Love, not lust, one benefit. And yes, it is different, I never said it wasn't. Hm, you make it seem as if all relationships work out since you only mentioned 2. Honestly, first of all, how do you know that those two at the start of your post havent had sex? They can't tell anyone that they have, so obviously you wouldn't know. Secondly, the second people were adults. Being an adult online and being a teenager is alot different, you're safe as an adult compared to a teenager. And honestly, in all online relationships i had the 'love', was horrible. Along with every other girl i met that dated some one older then them. You can argue all you like, that one or two out of 200 relationships will work, but to me it aint worth it and never will be, but ohwell. She doesn't even know he's real yet, so i don't understand why you're arguing with me origami, but let's stop, this isn't ramblings of the wise.

[YesterdaysNews]

I appreciate everyones concern but it is my life, and I want to take the risk. I trust him very much not to take advantage of me, and I have made it clear that sex is not an option at the moment. I know I sound like a stupid teenager caught up in everything. but I know perverts when they try and talk to me. he is not a pervert or pedophile, for my birthday he sent me a present and I trust that he is who he says he is. he is willing to wait four years until Im 18. I love him, I believe he loves me. if I end up raped and murdered in a ditch its my own fault.

[kyle95]

i think it's all cool. just put him on yahoo live, and be sure your parents see him too. i met my gf like that.

[Hewhohasnoriches]

Ehh, I'm not really FOR it. I'm never really sure how it would work for me. Then again, I haven't dated since the seventh grade and have never been in a real and long relationship. I would guess that that sort of thing (long distance relationships) wouldn't be a problem if the two of you love each other very much.

And I typically don't believe in internet relationships. But, again, I haven't dated for over two years.

[latinamocha]

i think that it's great that he is comeing to vist u i have been in a internet relation ship for a while to but he is probely not going to be making any vists to me.

[lamboman43]

I dont really think dating a guy that is 20 when you are 14 is really good. I dont know. After watching "To catch a Predator" on NBC awhile back I always think relationships like that aren't really safe. But I cant stop you so do what you think is safe.

[tyler27846]

im currently in a online relationship and if you are in love distance shouldnt really matter if you care about that person that is what matters

[ErykaInspire.]

First thing's first.
Online relationships most definitely can work, but I suggest you talk to him for over a year first. without meeting. If you can do that, you can do alot more.
Since Josh used me, i'll use him as an example.
I fell for Josh before he even knew me, thanks to an Online game (Endless-Online). Just the way he was always open to listening to other people really inspired me.
After awhile, we both really fell in love with eachother.. it hurt.. literally.. to not see him in real life. But we lasted a year.. then started having typical problems. (Trust, loving bestfriends, parents wishes, self-doubt, ect..)
My mom.. even though she knows him and I have fallen apart.. still says i'm in love with him. and I am. I always will be, but we didn't work... not yet, if ever. But I won't lose my hope.

But anyways.. along the way alot of people put me down about my choice.. if you truly believe that he is who he says he is, then follow your heart. But meet in a public place, with your parents, and maybe some friends. Don't EVER meet someone off the internet by yourself. That's the first problem people make.


I'll use another example of Internet danger..
When I was 13 I played RuneScape, I really liked this guy. My mom found out, did a "people search" and he was the only person in the US with that name.
Turns out 13 yr old HE.. was an 18yr old SHE.

Bringing your parents into this would be an amazing idea. Even if they don't allow it.. let them ground you. But keep telling them that you won't give up.
I lost all contact with Josh for 5 months.. got in a HUGE fight with my mom which led my parents almost divorcing.
it made me feel selfish, but I had to force them to understand.

The internet is dangerous.. just be careful and if you arn't sure of anything, PM me. I'll help you as much as I can.

[mrmcdonaldduck]

well, peersonally i think online stuff is great IF you know who youre talking to.
and i know they work because my sister married some one frome america who came to australia and they are 3 years married.
nut the age difference is a bit much. if you were maybe 16, 17 it would work but this is a bit much.

[Natoja12]

I beleive online dating works as I am getting real close to a guy two years older than me. But 20 is unreal. I no u may luv him but that's not normal or safe. I beleive he's a real person but that's wrong, try someone a bit younger... I'm 14 too but it's wrong to date someone older then 18 at our age not mention the names kids will call u if they found out

[Kosley]

Love is love, all I have to say.

[Yesterdays Hero]

In my opinion, it's a 70/30 situation, there's a 30% chance they're a weirdo, and a 70% chance they actually are a good person. A friend of mine was in the same situation, and the person turned out fine, there was no funny business.

[Eagle1]

Sometimes.

Just keep in mind you only live your life once.

Go for it if you want to.

Don't if there's a part of you that's worried or unsure.

Just a part of you.

Do what you want to, but THINK first.

And THINK hard.

You only live life ONCE.

You can't undo a decision once it's made and you go through with it.

Agreed:yes:

[YesterdaysNews]

thank you all for your advice/opinions/support. I know the age difference seems unreal at this point, but love is patient. but like I said before my mom was 25 when she married my dad, who was 35. age is just a number. right now, people frown upon things like this, but all we have to do is wait until Im 18, which both of us are willing to do, because we love each other. but that doesnt mean we wont see each other in between. Ive made my decision, I trust him. some of you might think its dumb and wrong, but meh, its my life, like underground_netwwork said, I only live life once, I have thought alot about this. I believe true love only finds a person once, and if that persons true love happens to be 6 years older than them and lives roughly a thousand miles away, so be it. but I wont let it pass me by.


uh so if you could follow that, that was my rant...

[Reality]

I've been online for a long time, since 2003, and I regularly started using the internet and meeting online people in 2006 via Habbo USA, and I've seen lots of people online date, including myself. I dated someone that was 17, when I was 14, she lived in USA (New Jersey) and me in England, so it was pretty obvious it wouldn't work, but it lasted a month. We've heard eachothers voice on mic and seen eachother onwebcam, and stuff.

But the problem wasn't with fakes, but the fact I found out she cheated on me for another online guy, and broke up with me when it became obvious.

Think of it, teenage relationships rarely work, in fact only about 30% of them do, same with online relationships. So if you think of it, a teenage AND online relationship.. even less chance.

I don't judge people who do it, but I can honestly tell you that of all online relationships I've witnessed, only ONE has worked. They're both 21, one lived in Norway and the other lived in Wales, and they've now met and lived together. However, there was a lot of work on this, they've been friends for 5 years, and dating about 2-3 years. They didn't meet one month, and then in real-life the next.

The second closet to this, was my friend Aaron, who's 16 who dated a girl who's now 18 for two years, but it ended badly because she well.. grew up and decided that they would never work and they were simply living a fantasy (have kids together etc), and he was in one hell of a state, but they didn't even meet once.. so he basically wasted two years of his life without seeing her face-to-face.

So to make it short, I don't believe online dating really works.. except for only a small minority, but believe me, they're not teenagers, they're adults. But there's so much risks in it. There's not only the possibility of age and sex fakers, there's cheating... it's so easy to cheat when you date someone online, and to never know a thing about it, you never know someone like you think you know them. Trust me.

If you do decide to date online, then verify the person. Speak to them on the phone/mic/Skype, see them on webcam and make them wave or smile and stuff, get their real-life Facebook or MySpace, this way, you pretty much know they're real, and there's an extremely low chance they're faking.

If for some reason, they don't have a webcam, which is a genuine problem (I don't have one anymore because my laptop simply doesn't have one), then make them get on a computer that does or buy one, and even then, bring a friend when you decide to meet them in real-life.

[LismLFC]

The age gap for me is too large. I don't care for online relationships much anyways but I wouldn't encourage this.

[Aves]

I say go for it, and best of luck. Hope it turns out great.

[Frankenstein's Bride]

I don't approve a online relationships, or rather meeeting someone online then having a relationship. I don't care about age gaps or long distance relationships, they're both cool but not online dating. However for some reason i like this relationship you have with this guy. But remember to be safe, bring a friend and stay out in public.

[Sage]

I don't approve a online relationships, or rather meeeting someone online then having a relationship.

I don't recall the year (no earlier than 2006, at least), but in the US, 1/8 couples that got married had met eachother online.

[YourFriend]

That age difference is too big. Really, he's 20 you're 14, and while in puberty such differences are big.

[kyle95]

involve an adult no matter what, and insist upon seeing him live on yahoo

[Aves]

Just be safe, bring a friend, and pray. Pray that he will be a true, loving guy, and not some online pedophile. I hope this goes real well, cuz it sounds like you would be dead w/o him.

[YesterdaysNews]

Just be safe, bring a friend, and pray. Pray that he will be a true, loving guy, and not some online pedophile. I hope this goes real well, cuz it sounds like you would be dead w/o him.

thank you, I will. I would be dead without him, I dont know how i lived without him (as cliche as it sounds)

[YesterdaysNews]

just an update:

we're fighting at the moment. and he is close to suicide. my dream is falling apart...
i guess everyone who said this wouldnt work was right. im sorry to bother you all with this thread.

anyone have any ideas i could use to stop him for commiting suicide? hes tried before... Im so scared... its all my fault...

[Kaius]

:/ Do you know what caused it? Just try and reason with him, all things hes gonna lose if he does it. What always used to work with me was guilt tripping. i know this isnt much help :/

[YesterdaysNews]

he wont listen to me anymore... i lied to try and keep him happy and i fucked everything up. i think hes already gone... :(

**another update ~~ i didnt want to double post again**
his family forced him to go to the hospital after i told them about his suicide attempts. i dont know how things will go from here but i hope i can prove to him that i really do love him and stuff.

**final update**
he ended it. we're done. now he says hes going to slit his throat. he wanted the truth so i told him the truth, but i guess he didnt like it enough to accept it.