i really dont know what to do :'(

[Trumpeter_2911]

ohk well guys, im pretty sure im gay, ive been classifying myself as bi, but i dont really have any attraction to girls, i think it was more a step of coming to terms with being gay, anyway. im really worried, im pretty close to my bro but he is like a homophobe, and since we're close his opinion obviously means alot to me and so does he, but he would never accpet me. My dad has the same opinion as he does, and mum i have no clue. im so scared of how they will react if i ever tell them. Im so scared of being disowned, i feel as though there is no where to go, no where to hide. I spent this arvo crying because i know i wouldnt be interupted because i was the only one home. I've heard some pretty scary horror stories about counscillers and "converters" and bullshit like that, and im just hoping that they wont send me to one of them to try and "make me straight again". And in a totally differant direction again, im not very religious, but what if i am wrong and christianity is the real way to get into heaven. im really worried about what'll happen in the future, I am really worried about religion. God + Gay do not mix, and im really worried, i dont want my afterlife to be in hell. I truly am worried. I feel like im going insane, my mind is going 100 miles a minute. Im losing it. I dont know how to feel, i dont know what to do, where to go or what even to tell myself. As much as i tell myself its going to be ok... i always think that its not going to be, im really worried, alot of my worries are made up of "what ifs" any serious advice would be greatly appreciated, and please no abusive replies. Thank you to any who read the whole thing, i know its long, im sorry for the long thing.

Summary:
- Im gay, not coming to terms with it
- Worried about family reactions
- Religious Factor - "What ifs"
- Lost about the whole thing

[nick]

Hi Lex,

Its a real bastard if you feel you have to hide your sexuality from your family. I'm a closet bi atm, I think my family would be ok if I came out to them but I prefer not to. To be honest its none of their business, I'm just me. Don't be in any rush to say anything if you dont need to, what does that achieve? Hopefully if you did tell them once they'd had a bit of time to get used to the idea they would realise that you're just the same person that you've always been.

I dont accept that God is anti-gay. Some priests might be, some "Good Christians" might be, but they're not God. Christ's example is to love everybody, in his case including a prostitute. I'm sure that love would include you.

Best wishes mate,


Nick

[MichaelAdams1993]

Ok, the first thing you need to do is calm down and think. If you are afraid to tell your parents about who you are then I see no reason why you should have to. I think it is a good idea to tell them eventually but you have years for that. Besides, if your fears are true then you could be risking a lot by telling them and getting the wrong reaction. My advice to this is that you wait a few more years, I know it sounds tought, and then tell them. Hopefully by this time you are somewhat self sufficient and will be able to take care of yourself if the worst comes true. However, if you feel you can't keep it from them anymore then you should be warned. Do not jump into it. Take it slow and I wouldn't tell the whole family all at once. The thing that would make the most sense to me would be to tell your mom first. From the sounds of it she is less likely to react badly and fathers are known to jump quickly to wrong ideas. Also, mothers can be much more accepting because they often feel a stronger bond with their children maternaly then do fathers, I am not saying your father doesn't care however. By telling your mother first you can gain an ally and then you and her can tell your father/brother together, or she can be there in case things go wrong and your mom can help keep you dad together. Just remember, even if things get ugly they will accept it at some point. It does take time and it can be a struggle for parents to go through. Remember take it slow and you don't have to tell anyone unless you want to, my advice, wait. This is my opinion and I hope I helped, good luck.

Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions.

[The Harlequin]

You know, maybe telling people you know is not the answer here... If you live in a homophobic area, then (at least for now) there is little you can positively gain from telling anyone ~ even your family... As painful as it sounds you're not going to be able to talk about your situation with the ones you're closest to.

You need to talk to someone who will not judge, who won't make you feel like you're going to hell... Look, I'm a Christian ~ if God is against people like you or me then he'll tell us at the end, it doesn't make sense to blame us for going against something that we have only got certain people's word even exists!

We're only going to know what's real when it's all over, why spend a life in misery over a matter of chance?

This is besides the point though, if your area is so very homophobic then use this ~ the internet to annonymously confide in people who are gay or bisexual, who can talk to you and (whilst not knowing who you are) can help you realise that the world is always becoming a more forgiving place. You are a normal human being, if your parents can't realise that then know tht other people around the world do, as lonely as you feel now you aren't (:^,

If God wants to send me and all the gays in the world to hell forever, it'll probably be made a much nicer place...

[clr9823]

Well I'm sorry that this is hard for you at the moment and I hope it gets better.

I'm bi-curious at the moment and just experimenting to see whats best. The only people who know are my closest friends.

If your family is homophobic, I wouldn't tell them at your age. At 15, your hormones can be messed up so it could just be your hormones. Even if you truly gay, you are having a hard time so why add to it by having your family knowing? Your sexuality is private, and you only need to reveal it to those who YOU WANT TO at the moment. When you grow older you probably will have to tell your parents, but this wont be for a while so don't worry about it. Everything will work out fine!

In relation to religion, I am sorry but I can't help you other than to say that I think that you should think long and hard about the existence of god, and possibly consider atheism because it can really be a nice feeling without the fear of god. If you do still want to lead a religious life then there are many homo-friendly churches and sects. I am not sure what there is in Australia but there must be some.

I hope you find some happiness soon, and remember that me and most other people on VT are happy to chat privately if you want/need to.

[kyle95]

mate, slow down. men wrote these words, NOT GOD! you're a human being with as much right to love as anyone. don't get caught up with labels. sure you're living with people that don't accept a gay lifestyle. my advice: don't tell them. Once you're older and have moved out, their reaction will matter less. so you're attracted to males, big deal. you're fine and there's no hell mate, hell's what we all live through with ignorant people

[clr9823]

mate, slow down. men wrote these words, NOT GOD! you're a human being with as much right to love as anyone. don't get caught up with labels. sure you're living with people that don't accept a gay lifestyle. my advice: don't tell them. Once you're older and have moved out, their reaction will matter less. so you're attracted to males, big deal. you're fine and there's no hell mate, hell's what we all live through with ignorant people


Shhh... the thought police may try to (censored) maintain political correctness.

In other words, I agree. Religion has no place in this world if it makes those insecure about their sexuality even more unhappy.

I hope you can either find a way to combine god and gay (alliteration:D, no offence!) or shun god altogether!