my anorexia

[greenflower194]

i have been suffering with an eating disorder for about two years now but on christmas eve last year i got diagnose with anorexia. i was using a outpatient service in my area for about 3 months but i never follow the diet plan they set me to follow and my weight was always going up then down form some reason so they referred me to a psychiatric unit for young people.
i am getting discharged from there at the end of next week because they say that 'it isnt working for me'.
The scary thing is i don't want to get better i want to go back to starving like i did before, i cant even brush my teeth regularly or use shower gel because i feel so guilty. i sometimes eat chocolate because i crave it and miss eating it so much and ten i feel fat and sick.
i am scared i will die and the people i met at the hospital even though they were a bit horrible at times i am going to miss them alot with is upsetting me more and making my thoughts around food worse. i dont really have a great family and one member of staff i look up to as like a mum in a way.
i dont want to starve but i can't help it. when i go to eat i get a voice screaming in my head say no, and then i feel like a failure to the people helping me but i feel good in my self.
i feel so stuck.

[Rawr]

i know how you feel and no one can change you no one can help you unless your willing to change maybe you should try to stay there lonfer and if you dont eat you will die but maybe you should try to eat

[Beautiful Obsession]

i know how your feeling babee.. my mum started questioning me the other day and sed if its truee she will get help.. but i dont want help, like you dont..
i know you feel like your letting everyone down, and everyone on here will say your getting help and chucking it away,

do what you need to though, and i mean that, im sure you will realise sooner or later that you need help, hope i do to.

pm me if ya wanna chat about it babeee.. x