the music box {a poem}

[drpepper21]

I walked into
the attic old and
dusty; the smell of old paper
washed over me ; i stepped
over the threshold.

I ransacked through the
boxes searching for
treasures long but forgotten,
and stumbled upon something,
a small silver box.

A music box.

Delicate and light
as i cradled it
in my hands; i ran my long
fingers along the edges,
it felt perfect; soft.

I wound up the crank,
hearing the clicking
and the gears slowly turning,
my anticipation grew,
and i let it go.

Sweet notes and bells rang,
a melody of
beautiful things played on,
echoing through out the room
taking up the space.

But then; a high shriek,
rang upon my ears,
my head ached and my eyes crossed,
my blood curdled in my veins,
and i stopped breathing.

As i lay dead on
the dark wooden floors,
blood leaked from my mouth; and the
music box ended its song.
in the dead silence.


okay, critiques please? or if any of you get the message, then take a wack at guessing. theres no stupid questions loves!

[nick]

I was quite enjoying it until the surreal ending which didnt seem to fit. Don't get the message, sorry.

On a point of style, I think you have the line breaks in odd places in the first stanzas and for me that makes it harder to read.

[drpepper21]

im on a syllable based pattern, so it cam out odd.