How far....?

[jack straw]

How far would you go for love?

Since I met HER three years ago, shes been all Ive been able to think about; We were good friends from the day we met, and Ive always known there was something special about her. I asked her out a few months after we met, and things went well for a little while. I dont know what happened, but it never really caught on and although I Tried as hard as I could (Still do) to get her to realize how much I really loved her, she just kinda moved on. Crushed, I have been unable to let go. We stayed friends, chatting occasionally, and a few weeks ago I just finally said what I had been wanting to say for so long; Suprised, she said she felt simmalary about me and never realized I felt so strongly about her. For over a week we tried to find a way to meet, but we both have crazy scheduals so it was hard. Finally I just decided to Ride My bike to her house, 20 miles away through a terrible rainstorm... When I arrived, she was shocked that I was actually serious when I said I was gonna ride there, but happily invited me inside. we talked for about an hour, then she had to leave. Still, I continued to try and find ways to spend time with her. Later that week, I dont know what happened but she was extreamily stressed out and completely flipped out anytime I tried to talk to her.
This is tearing me apart, as I have been patiently waiting for over 3 years for just a chance to go out with her, and she seems to want to do everything but that.
I have no Idea how she really feels about me, but I am just dying on the inside from this...


Any comments on my situation?

[byee]

Love can make you crazy, Jerry. It's a very powerful emotion, so it can do that. With time, it gets easier b/c you get used to it. And that goes for her as well.

Although you might be burning inside for her, if she's not ready/not wanting/not sure, then there's not much you can do other than to let her know how you feel, what you'd like, and leave it at that. Thing about Love is that involves 2 people, and for it to work, both have to be in the same place, wanting the same thing. If not, then it's a 'near miss'.

Learning to let go is hard, but it allows you to deal with the disappointment based on what is, rather than what you want. And it frees you up to find someone who's a home run.

[YourFriend]

I would do almost anything for my love...

[jack straw]

Well, She is constantly changing her mind on how she feels, and while frustrating I'm willing to wait. I know what you mean Sam, I want to let go, I get the feeling that I should move on, but everytime I'm almost ready to let go, she friggin gives me hope again and it starts all over again. I screwd it up the first time by really holding myself back as so I wouldnt take it to far to fast, but I held back to much and she took it as me not likeing her. I would do anything to go back in time and change that, but no matter what I do it just pushes her further away.

I Definately would do anything for her; thats just the kind of guy I am.

She says shes scared, that she doesnt want her guy to leave her. but does she not realize that I have been here for 3 years, with nobody else, no other Girlfriends, no nothing... She however cant make up her mind on who she likes...

She is really a great person once you get to know her, but her indecisiveness drives me crazy.

[kyle95]

what's ur hurry mate? so uv known her since u were 12. by the by, showing up soaking wet is not a good impression no matter the intention. u dropped the bomb, give it time. u may have 2 wait this one out. get occupied mate otherwise ull go insane. wait for a slow period, but don't act or be anxious and NEVER spill all your guts and appear weak mate. girls like a little mystery, aloofness, leadership qualities in blokes, not saps. so cut the drama and show her that stiff upper lip, dont smother her, she needs her space, respect that. even if she dates other blokes, be confident in the fact that you still have a chance. ur probably right about her being that 'special' person. work at it mate and don't give up. she sounds like she's worth waiting for

[jack straw]

what's ur hurry mate? so uv known her since u were 12. by the by, showing up soaking wet is not a good impression no matter the intention. u dropped the bomb, give it time. u may have 2 wait this one out. get occupied mate otherwise ull go insane. wait for a slow period, but don't act or be anxious and NEVER spill all your guts and appear weak mate. girls like a little mystery, aloofness, leadership qualities in blokes, not saps. so cut the drama and show her that stiff upper lip, dont smother her, she needs her space, respect that. even if she dates other blokes, be confident in the fact that you still have a chance. ur probably right about her being that 'special' person. work at it mate and don't give up. she sounds like she's worth waiting for

Thanks kyle95

I know I may sound like a complete sap, but for the past 2 1/2 years I have had a stiff upper lip with excelent leadership qualities, and it seemed to drive her further away.
She's bipolar, and her insane moodswings have kept me guessing as to what to do for this whole time. I am almost positive that I have zero chance left with her, but every time I am about to finally let go, she brings me back and gives me hope. She is definatley worth waiting for, and I know It was a compelte dumbass move to show up there soaking wet and freezing cold, I also know that I gotta wait and let things cool down... And, in my defense, the stupid weather report said sunny all day...

[Sapphire]

Regardless of her intentions, she is toying with your emotions.
No one deserves to have their emotions toyed with like this - even if they believe they are in love.

Bipolar is a devastating disorder to live with but it doesn't completely incapacitate someone to the point where they can't decide whether they want to be in a relationship with a particular person or not.

IMO, you should make her decide whether she really wants you or not. If she says no then it will be hard, but it will be easier on you than this situation dragging on indefinitely.

[Aves]

I would do anything for love, but only if it's a true love, not a stupid high school 1 week relationship.

[jack straw]

Regardless of her intentions, she is toying with your emotions.
No one deserves to have their emotions toyed with like this - even if they believe they are in love.

Bipolar is a devastating disorder to live with but it doesn't completely incapacitate someone to the point where they can't decide whether they want to be in a relationship with a particular person or not.

IMO, you should make her decide whether she really wants you or not. If she says no then it will be hard, but it will be easier on you than this situation dragging on indefinitely.


It is not just Bipolar, she has a myriad of disorders which I have been trying to sort threw for years to find how she really feels. I cant make her love me, thats for her to decide. I myself suffer from a shitload of mental issues which have me tearing myself apart on the inside, so I know how hard it can be at times to realize what is real and what isnt. I cant judge her for something she may not be able to control, I cant just write her off as just some girl who likes to mess with emotions. I know her issues are alot worse than mine, so its gotta be really hard for her. I know that it would be easier on me in the long run to just let go, but I cant. I have always been one to put others before myself, and if I could just help her in anyway it would make it all worth it. I have taken alot of abuse from people, both physically and mentally, for always trying to put others before me but I couldnt sleep at night knowing I had taken advantage of somebody. She is worth the wait, and thats just what I intend to do.


I would do anything for love, but only if it's a true love, not a stupid high school 1 week relationship.

Ahhh yes, those stupid 1 week relationships... Drive me crazy, hearing people say I love you to somebody who they barely know and then in less than a week the once romeo and juliet couple are now a distant memory.

Those who know me know that I am the type of guy who would sacrifice everything he had to save sombody else.

[Sapphire]

It is not just Bipolar, she has a myriad of disorders which I have been trying to sort threw for years to find how she really feels. I cant make her love me, thats for her to decide. I myself suffer from a shitload of mental issues which have me tearing myself apart on the inside, so I know how hard it can be at times to realize what is real and what isnt. I cant judge her for something she may not be able to control, I cant just write her off as just some girl who likes to mess with emotions. I know her issues are alot worse than mine, so its gotta be really hard for her. I know that it would be easier on me in the long run to just let go, but I cant. I have always been one to put others before myself, and if I could just help her in anyway it would make it all worth it. I have taken alot of abuse from people, both physically and mentally, for always trying to put others before me but I couldnt sleep at night knowing I had taken advantage of somebody. She is worth the wait, and thats just what I intend to do.I'm not saying write her off as a manipulative cow who likes to mess with others emotions. I'm just pointing out that she is messing with your emotions whether she is aware of it or not.

I know how serious mental health issues can screw a lot of things up. But it is never an excuse to treat someone the way she is treating you. It may be part of the reason but it isn't an excuse. If you continue to let her use it as an excuse then she will get the message that it's ok to treat you like this and nothing will get resolved.

You need to take your own wellbeing into account and this is doubly important seeing as you have issues with your mental health too.
Yes, it is in your nature to put other people first - I understand that. But the current situation isn't doing you or her any good. Take some time out - during which she can decide what she wants and you can have some quality "me time"

[2D]

Well I stopped reading after about the fifth reply cuz I wanted to answer saying I'm kinda in the same situation only mine went a lot faster. Pretty much everything happened that's happened in yours but in 6 months. So maybe I can give you some advice. After I spilled my guts she said the same thing. But she said she's not ready to go out. Why? You guessed it. She's scared I don't love her. Well here's a few things I've done for her. She lives 20 miles away. I stole my car with no license and no insurance at 1 in the morning to go up to a walmart, buy her some fruit, and then drive up to her house, and give it to her. Cuz her dad is tyrannical and doesn't let her eat for weeks at a time saying "she's too fat and needs more muscle". And I've sneaked out many more times than that. And taken physical beatings from complete strangers so she can run away and not get hurt, and just many more things. So how can she say I don't love her? Well now I'm just being all oh I'm having tons of fun doing this and this and this, acting like I don't really need her. And it seems to be working so far. I'll just have to wait. :)

[jack straw]

Well I stopped reading after about the fifth reply cuz I wanted to answer saying I'm kinda in the same situation only mine went a lot faster. Pretty much everything happened that's happened in yours but in 6 months. So maybe I can give you some advice. After I spilled my guts she said the same thing. But she said she's not ready to go out. Why? You guessed it. She's scared I don't love her. Well here's a few things I've done for her. She lives 20 miles away. I stole my car with no license and no insurance at 1 in the morning to go up to a walmart, buy her some fruit, and then drive up to her house, and give it to her. Cuz her dad is tyrannical and doesn't let her eat for weeks at a time saying "she's too fat and needs more muscle". And I've sneaked out many more times than that. And taken physical beatings from complete strangers so she can run away and not get hurt, and just many more things. So how can she say I don't love her? Well now I'm just being all oh I'm having tons of fun doing this and this and this, acting like I don't really need her. And it seems to be working so far. I'll just have to wait. :)




For about 7 months after we both said 'I love you' and spilled our hearts out, we were in a simmalar situation, where I would do all kinds of crazy shit to help her... She said she was scared that I didnt love her, but not a single one of her other bf's she has ever had tried at all to help her with anything. Then for about 2 months we didnt see or hear from eachother at all, but every day she was still on my mind. When I finally spoke to her again, we went through the same thing again. and again. and again... I can understand why she would be hesitant to trust after she has gotten screwed over by nearly ever guy she's gone out with, but Why she wouldnt choose somebody who genuinly cares about Her confuses the shit out of me.


And she doesnt use her mental issues as an exucese, infact, she has only talked about it once, after I confronted her about her indicisiveness. The only other mentions I ever hear of it is occasionally during a phone conversation I hear her mom/dad in the background talking about it(therapy, meds, etc...). and I can never have any "Me"time, because of Parents, and almost 100% of my thoughts are related to her, causing me more frustration and troubles.

[YourFriend]

Ahhh yes, those stupid 1 week relationships... Drive me crazy, hearing people say I love you to somebody who they barely know and then in less than a week the once romeo and juliet couple are now a distant memory.

Those who know me know that I am the type of guy who would sacrifice everything he had to save sombody else.

I know my love for 10(maybe 11) years. I know he's the one for now.

[Sapphire]

"almost 100% of my thoughts are related to her, causing me more frustration and troubles."
This ^ highlights your need for a resolution to this situation. If this situation is resolved then you'll know where you stand and won't be kept in limbo indefinitely which is clearly going to benefit you.

Mental health problems do not leave a person completely incapable of deciding whether they want to be in a relationship with someone or not. Trust me, I know. By letting this continue you are not doing either of you any good.

[2D]

For about 7 months after we both said 'I love you' and spilled our hearts out, we were in a simmalar situation, where I would do all kinds of crazy shit to help her... She said she was scared that I didnt love her, but not a single one of her other bf's she has ever had tried at all to help her with anything. Then for about 2 months we didnt see or hear from eachother at all, but every day she was still on my mind. When I finally spoke to her again, we went through the same thing again. and again. and again... I can understand why she would be hesitant to trust after she has gotten screwed over by nearly ever guy she's gone out with, but Why she wouldnt choose somebody who genuinly cares about Her confuses the shit out of me.


And she doesnt use her mental issues as an exucese, infact, she has only talked about it once, after I confronted her about her indicisiveness. The only other mentions I ever hear of it is occasionally during a phone conversation I hear her mom/dad in the background talking about it(therapy, meds, etc...). and I can never have any "Me"time, because of Parents, and almost 100% of my thoughts are related to her, causing me more frustration and troubles.

Wow dude we're like in the same position. Except she doesn't have any mental problems....I think. I hope we work out though. She's even had those horrible bf's and all that. And she used to party all the time and stuff but she's been stopping lately. I hope we work out and I really hope you guys work out. You deserve it more it sounds like. :) I hope she realizes how much you care about her and that she couldn't get anyone better. :)

[jack straw]

"almost 100% of my thoughts are related to her, causing me more frustration and troubles."
This ^ highlights your need for a resolution to this situation. If this situation is resolved then you'll know where you stand and won't be kept in limbo indefinitely which is clearly going to benefit you.

Mental health problems do not leave a person completely incapable of deciding whether they want to be in a relationship with someone or not. Trust me, I know. By letting this continue you are not doing either of you any good.

I definatley do need a resolution, but It would be a Baaaaaaadddd move to ask her now... She just went through a bad breakup, and really not wanting to talk about another relationship just yet...




Wow dude we're like in the same position. Except she doesn't have any mental problems....I think. I hope we work out though. She's even had those horrible bf's and all that. And she used to party all the time and stuff but she's been stopping lately. I hope we work out and I really hope you guys work out. You deserve it more it sounds like. :) I hope she realizes how much you care about her and that she couldn't get anyone better. :)

..... Seriously? She's even had those horrible bf's and all that. And she used to party all the time and stuff but she's been stopping late That is exactly her!!! Been there to comfort her every time some asshole dumps her, been there as a shoulder to cry on every time she needs one.... Quite a few relationships have ended badly for her....

Good luck with your girl Whispering Lies, I also hope she realizes how much you care about her and she couldnt find anyone better :D.

[Sapphire]

I definatley do need a resolution, but It would be a Baaaaaaadddd move to ask her now... She just went through a bad breakup, and really not wanting to talk about another relationship just yet...She knows how you feel but nothing has happened between the two of you because she is indecisive over how she feels and in the meantime she's been dating other guys?

You need to get over her.

She clearly is capable of deciding whether she likes someone or not.

Someone who keeps you in limbo because they can't decide if they like you and leaves you feeling like you are "just dying on the inside" is not making you happy.

You need to move on, look after yourself and find a girl that will actually make you happy.

[jack straw]

She knows how you feel but nothing has happened between the two of you because she is indecisive over how she feels and in the meantime she's been dating other guys?

You need to get over her.

She clearly is capable of deciding whether she likes someone or not.

Someone who keeps you in limbo because they can't decide if they like you and leaves you feeling like you are "just dying on the inside" is not making you happy.

You need to move on, look after yourself and find a girl that will actually make you happy.


I know... I know... gonna be tough :blowup::blue:

[jack straw]

But still not a day goes by where I dont think of her... Everything reminds me of her, and it drives me crazy. After giving it some thought, I've figured out what keeps us apart.
http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?p=569738#post569738 :
Indeed. Infatuation is a powerful emotion, but when people confuse it with love -- especially on such a universal scale -- it completely white washes its meaning. I've even had people agree with me on this subject only to do it sometime after. It's amazing.

Thats her problem. with the combination of troubles at home and mental issues, shes just desprate for somebody to just be there with her. 90%+ of her past bf's live within a stones throw of her house, so they were more available when she was desprate. I live a half hour away by car, and my parents dont like the idea of me having a girlfriend, so I'm stuck with my bike. On top of that, I'm constantly on the move, going up and down the East Coast of the USA for all the differnet things I'm part of (Went to West Virginia with Habitat for humanity; nearly every other weekend I have a camping trip with Boy Scouts; I'm going to 2 weeks of actual Boot Camp in Upstate NY next week; the Carribean with my family for a week...) so I hardly have time to do anything anyways. Once school starts i'll be home more often, and something might come from that.

Infatuation is a powerful emotion, but when people confuse it with love -- especially on such a universal scale -- it completely white washes its meaning.

She is confusing love with the love of being loved. Every one of her relationships ends badly because while she is just looking for somebody to be there for her and love her, the Guys she picks have something a little different on their minds (:inappropriate::banana:) and they just dump her harsly, causing her to be more depressed and more desprate for somebody to be there for her.




Its gonna be hard, but I'm going to wait a long while before I contact her again, and when I do I think I will have a better shot.