disorder?

[Rawr]

i dont really eat beacuse of somthing that happend when i was alittle younger i will eat and throw it up when no one is watching but i eat maybe an apple or banana to keep me alive to be honst eating scares the crap out of me do i have a dissorder? and what should i do?

[changingcosmos]

would u mind sharing what happened when you were younger... the technical term for this is anorexia but i hate labels ...im labeled sith manic depression on account that i used to cut and i hate it

[Rawr]

well some one used to put stuff in my food to make me really sick and i would end up throwing up and stuff alot and now im scared of food

[ShatteredWings]

Hun that's consitered abuse -- I hope you reported it.

But yes, you do have some of the more obvious symtpoms of an eating disorder.

Earlier you have posted that you're under a suicide watch. Does the place you're staying at also work with eating disorders and past abuse, because if they do you really should try to talk to someone about this

[Bougainvillea]

It's sounds like trauma or something. That's definitely not good. I would suggest seeing a doctor. Although, most people don't listen to me. 8 (

[Rawr]

yeah it was reported and i was taken out of the home imeaditly and yeah they do its a crisis center they deal all that stuff but all they tell me is if i dont eat soon im gonna be forced fed

[Bougainvillea]

Then, that's what's going to happen. Unless you change your eating habits, it has to be done. I do recommend supplements. Obviously by not eating, you may suffer from malnutrition.

[changingcosmos]

if your in a hospital there is no need to worry about the food having n e thing bad in it.. it may not be the best food but it will keep you from being sick from malnutrition.

[Rawr]

u never know what might be in it

[ShatteredWings]

Not going to deny that. But the point is, that real food isn't poisoned. It's not going to hurt you -- i swear.
You really might benifit from councling to deal with the memories of the past abuse though. If you're at a place that can handle more than one mental problem, you should tell them why you're not eating.

[Rawr]

if i tell them why they is just gonna mark me with an eatting disorder and keep me here longer and i dont want that i wanna go home if i eat ill get sick i know i will he could have done somthing to it

[Bougainvillea]

You said they took you from that person. What would he gain from poisoning you?

[Rawr]

i dont know revenge or somthing it freeks me out so much

[ShatteredWings]

Noone's trying to poison you. Yes, if you tell them they'll keep you longer. But I think it would be WORSE to be force-fed and then kept even longer than you would if you just told them

[Bougainvillea]

That's terrible.
I'm sorry :(

[Rawr]

i hate beeing forced fed it hurts they restrian u to a chair and then shove food down u or if that dont work they put an iv in ur arm......... but i dont think i can eat

[Bougainvillea]

Not as bad as an airtube being shoved down your throat...

[Rawr]

they said somthing about shoving somthing somwere if all else fails wich scares me the most

[Bougainvillea]

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

[Rawr]

they is trying to get me to eat now but im not going to they say this is my last chance

[Bougainvillea]

You really need to eat. It's the only way.

[Rawr]

they said in ten min if i havent touched the food ill be forced fed

[Bougainvillea]

Yeah...
That's all you now.

[Rawr]

im not eating it im to sccared to bad things could happen if i do

[Bougainvillea]

Nothing is going to happen! You're a good person! I highly doubt anything is wrong. You need to trust me and eat that food

[Rawr]

it hurt really badly they were yelling at me and stuff now i just really wanna die

[Bougainvillea]

That's going to happen alot more if don't stop. You need to eat. No one is sick enough to poison you. You need to trust people.

[Rawr]

what happends if someone does? and do i have an eating disorder and is there a way that maybe i can work to over come my fear without haveing to eat right away?

[ShatteredWings]

-If they don't eat you'll be foresefed

Which one is worse.
Eating
Or letting them force food down you?

I've never been exactly in your position, but i have had friends force me to eat because i was avoiding food severly enough for them to notice. Being forced tends to hurt more

[Rawr]

it hurt really bad but i dont think i can eat they weighed me today im 78 pounds and im
5'2 they says im going to be forced every meal if i dont eat they say i have an eating disorder but i dont do i?

[ShatteredWings]

Um.. Yeah hun you really do have an eating disorder.
they're force-feding you because at your weight, you could die. yes, eatind disorers ARE fatal if you dont get help.

[Rawr]

i dont wanna eat my friend came and saw me today and she said the same thing that i need help but i dont need people to make me eat it hurts i just want them to leave me alone

[ShatteredWings]

they're not going to
:hug:
it's really hard to hear i know. but try to calm down andthink somewhat rationally about this. You're severly underweight. You're not eating. That really means you need help

[Rawr]

i looked in the merrior today and i say all my bones it kinda scared me how long can some one live when there that skiny not long i imangen i want to get better but im so scared and i dont know how to over come my scaredness

[ShatteredWings]

:hug3:
you're seeing it now. Huge step here. A lot of ED's come with a body dysmorphia (you're seeing yourself incorrectly). (once psych ward mod will PROBABLY b e able to back this one up)
You're body's gone into a starvation mode, keeping you alive. I'm wiling to bet that over the past few moths (possiably years) you've been extremly tired and low on energy, and lost your period. Sound familair? There's a chance you've lost some hair along with it all.

Eating can be scary. There's no point in denying this. But will you let the doctors help you now?

[Rawr]

yeah i have felt really tired and low on engery ive lost alot of hair i ate a few chips last night but other then that nothing im still beeing forced-fed i dont know how im going to over come my feer i meen i know all i have to do is eat but im not sure how to become unscared my boyfriend said i look like a stick my brother wonders why he can feel every bone in my body and i cant even give him an ancwer

[ShatteredWings]

Yeah. all this has kinda happend because you're malnourished. you need councling to help with your fear of eating -- which IS a healthy part of living.

[Rawr]

i am in coulcling but i dont like talking i just sit there most of the time i have no idea what to say or what to but how am i sposed to tell her im scared of food?

[ShatteredWings]

you say just that
"im scared of food"

[Rawr]

but they will still make me eat and i dont wanna eat they will still make sure they shove food in me and it hurts

[ShatteredWings]

Which one hurts more. Having food physically shoved down your throaght, or eating.

Maybe you can talk to them about having liquid supliments so it's easier to get the calories/vitimans in without feeling so sick

[Rawr]

being forced fed hurts more but im still afriade of food and i know that if i dont eat im going to die but im scared

[ShatteredWings]

So you understand.
Re-directing to my last post.

Maybe you can talk to them about having liquid supliments so it's easier to get the calories/vitimans in without feeling so sick

[Rawr]

so its just like a drink? not like food ?

[ShatteredWings]

Ever heard of ensure? That type of product might help. if there's anyone you can talk to about this.. you really do need to be able to get nutrition in, but since you've starved yourself for however long, your stomach is smaller and phsycally cnat handle the food -- which is why it hurts

[Rawr]

well i meen they keep sending people in to talk to me but they just want me to eat and i dont wanna and no ive never hurd on enusre what is it?

[ShatteredWings]

Hun you seem just a little out of it.
are you talking to the people. like really talking to them..

[Rawr]

no not really im just blowing them off kind of not really paying much attition to what there saying im not asking any questions just nodding my head and stuff

[ShatteredWings]

don't. tell them what youe actually feeling, and maybe they'll work with you a bitmore

[Rawr]

but what if they just call me stupied and dont help me and stuff

[ShatteredWings]

Don't think about the 'what if'. just do it.

[Rawr]

ok but all i wanna do is go home and no one here is letting me and it really sucks