How would you feel if you were my dad?

[1_21Guns]

When you were young, your dad used to come in and beat you and your mum. When you were older, you met Julie, and accidentally concived a child, sure, the kid wasnt planned but you were glad. When the baby Natalie was born, everything seemed okay, but then on her 8th birthday, you forgot it was her birthday and shouted at her really badly, then ever since you shouted at her and shouted until she couldnt take much more, Julie started to see how upset Natalie was when she was around 14, and decided to leave you. You kept saying sorry to Natalie everytime you shouted, but you went and did it again. Maybe you hit her a few times too. When Julie left you, Natalie carried on seeing you, but she didnt really want to be there, and you could see that. Everytime you saw her, you hugged her and didnt want to let go, the last thing you wanted was to lose her. But Natalie needed to get away, she thaught she was doing what was best, although her mum kept trying to force her to see you, but you didnt believe Natalie when she said that it wasnt her mums idea to not see you. When Natalie said she didnt want to see you anymore, because of what you did to her, you had an arguement, and you havent seen Natalie since, for a few months now.

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Hmm. I'm just wondering how you think he would feel, I have my own ideas, but idk if im just making myself feel guilty to a degree I shouldnt be. Sorry if its abit mixed and confusing, I didnt really know how to word it.

[IAMWILL]

I would feel terrible about the mistakes I had made, and wish to take all of them back.

Your father loves you, your his daughter, and it means the world to him to see you happy. He just has some tempermental and emotional problems. He needs some time to get away and rethink.

[Antares]

I would feel like s*** :P

I would be more mad at myself because I knew that I could control this situation.
I would know that it was basically all my fault and that I screwed up.
It would further sadden me that I have jeapordized my future with the people I love

[byee]

I'd ask him how he felt if I was you.

Parenting is on the job training, there's no instruction manual that comes with it, unlike the toaster. So, people bring whatever abilities (or deficiencies) they have into that role. And most people aren't really aware of those abilities/deficiencies, either. They just get up in the morning and do whatever it is they do without much awareness.

It's unfortunate that little Natalie was abused, you have a right to feeling wounded and betrayed, and I don't blame you for not wanting to be around your dad and finally getting it off your chest by arguing with him. If you're Ok leaving it at that and moving on, fine. But, if you want more, if you're looking for something else from him, maybe acknowledgement or regret or a better relationship, then you might need to have some more dialogue with him, calmly, about you feelings, and also, what it is you want. Not accusatory, just observational.

People are often OK finally sharing their thought or feelings, but that's only half of it. The other half is then to be very specific about your wants, what it is you need from the other person in response. That part sounds like it was absent from your argument. Maybe you want to go back and have another chat about it, and see where it goes. Because in the end, Natalie, it's not about what he feels (or needs) it's about what you feel and need. And you should try to get it, using the proper tools.

Fathers should behave better and they should rise aboive their own petty emotions, that's what strong men do. But sometimes they cannot. Adults often don't act it, and we have to help them.

[1_21Guns]

Thanks everyone,
[to Sam]
yeah I know I should ask him, but we arn't exactly on terms where thats possible, and I understand that in the the end it shouldnt be about him, but about me. Yet I cant help but feel guilt, I feel like the one thing that mattered most to him just walked away from him, and how can I figure what I want when my heads so confused with it all...
like I said, when i went he hugged me and didnt want to let go, he didnt want to lose me, yet I still walked away.