lonelyboy15
July 7th, 2009, 07:02 PM
In January, one of my best friends, Jordan, and I got very drunk and ended up with our hands down each others' pants.
By February we talked about it and it was a mutual thing that we experiment with each other. We both talked about how we had both been a little bi-curious for sometime now thus we started messing around every weekend.
In April he decided he no longer wanted to mess around and at the time I tried to let it not bother me, even though it did, a lot. I did not want to stop, I was always thinking of him and the next time we would sleep together in between the times we had sex. He never gave me an exact reason as to why he wanted to stop. We were both 16 year old guys and straight. He has slept with girls before and had girlfriends. I figured if I'm investing more emotion into our relationship I could be gay and I don't know how i felt about that. Sex with him was great, it was a new experience, especially since he was my first.
Three months go by and in June I had the courage to tell him I wanted to mess around with him again. He rejected me and said he did not want to again because he realized it wasn't his thing. I was shocked as I clearly remember all the times we had sex he was the one calling the shots, making the moves, and being in control. Again I tried to let it not bother me because I was so confused about my sexuality and figured he was straight and not on the fence about his sexuality anymore. A few days go by since he rejected my proposal and one night when he spent the night at my house he told me he wanted to again, we had some of the best sex we'd ever had that night.
I was instantly sprung off of him again. Every time we were together I was just looking forward to the next time we would mess around. After a month of waiting around we never had sex again.
Today, Jordan decided to come out to a girl in our group of friends, Jessica and her gay friend, Troy. He came out the closet and told them he was gay and has felt this way for sometime now. The next day at work he came out to me and said for the past two nights now he has been sleeping with Troy. I was shocked. My knees felt weak, my back ached, I loss all appetite, and couldn't sleep that night.
That day I cried my eyes out for the first time in about year. I realized I have so many feelings for him. When our relationship started to get sexual I became so attached. I was a virgin and never had a serious girlfriend. The feelings I had for him were unlike anything i've ever had for anyone else.
Not knowing I was upset with the fact he has been sleeping with Troy, he told me he would like to date him but is going to work on coming out first. I'm devastated. I'm scared. I want to tell him exactly how I feel about everything but i'm afraid it will scare him away. I don't want to loose him as a friend but at the same time I wish it were me instead of Troy.
Any advice is helpful and I really want to thank any one who reads this.
By February we talked about it and it was a mutual thing that we experiment with each other. We both talked about how we had both been a little bi-curious for sometime now thus we started messing around every weekend.
In April he decided he no longer wanted to mess around and at the time I tried to let it not bother me, even though it did, a lot. I did not want to stop, I was always thinking of him and the next time we would sleep together in between the times we had sex. He never gave me an exact reason as to why he wanted to stop. We were both 16 year old guys and straight. He has slept with girls before and had girlfriends. I figured if I'm investing more emotion into our relationship I could be gay and I don't know how i felt about that. Sex with him was great, it was a new experience, especially since he was my first.
Three months go by and in June I had the courage to tell him I wanted to mess around with him again. He rejected me and said he did not want to again because he realized it wasn't his thing. I was shocked as I clearly remember all the times we had sex he was the one calling the shots, making the moves, and being in control. Again I tried to let it not bother me because I was so confused about my sexuality and figured he was straight and not on the fence about his sexuality anymore. A few days go by since he rejected my proposal and one night when he spent the night at my house he told me he wanted to again, we had some of the best sex we'd ever had that night.
I was instantly sprung off of him again. Every time we were together I was just looking forward to the next time we would mess around. After a month of waiting around we never had sex again.
Today, Jordan decided to come out to a girl in our group of friends, Jessica and her gay friend, Troy. He came out the closet and told them he was gay and has felt this way for sometime now. The next day at work he came out to me and said for the past two nights now he has been sleeping with Troy. I was shocked. My knees felt weak, my back ached, I loss all appetite, and couldn't sleep that night.
That day I cried my eyes out for the first time in about year. I realized I have so many feelings for him. When our relationship started to get sexual I became so attached. I was a virgin and never had a serious girlfriend. The feelings I had for him were unlike anything i've ever had for anyone else.
Not knowing I was upset with the fact he has been sleeping with Troy, he told me he would like to date him but is going to work on coming out first. I'm devastated. I'm scared. I want to tell him exactly how I feel about everything but i'm afraid it will scare him away. I don't want to loose him as a friend but at the same time I wish it were me instead of Troy.
Any advice is helpful and I really want to thank any one who reads this.