How can I stop

[pbri3836]

Since i was 16 i have been cutting (im now 19), most recently yesterday morning, and almost again today (i gained control and threw it). I went over 6 months without cutting when i was 17, and again about 3 months when i was 18, but it always results in me coming right back to it. Since i have been at university i have become very familiar with how to properly use a scalpel, clean swift cuts, that i can properly care for to avoid lasting harm, but i need to stop. I have a family who care (but have no idea about this), i have a future ahead of me, i have never suffered abuse, but i constantly feel depressed, and cutting is the only thing i have had which constantly helps me to feel better. Any advice from people with similar situations or who have beaten it? My long term gf knows i cut, but not the extent, and i can not come out and let any1 else know, so counseling is out of the question.

[PuppetPrince]

what are the reasons though ? ._.
or do you like just do it for fun? what causes this?

[pbri3836]

I don't even understand the reasons, its not for "fun" by any means; however i do enjoy it. It's hard for me to express. When i was 16 things just went downhill in my life, i felt like a masisve loser, i only started to notice the negatives in my life. I have always been a smart guy, but the pressure of school and exams took over, the fighting with my friends, the problems with breaking up with my then gf, everything seemed to just fall out from underneath me and i couldnt appreciate the good in my life. Its sort of continuing from there. I feel like the stress of uni, the fighting with my gf, the problems within my family, like they control my life, like everything is turning to shit and i cant stop it. But every now and again i can sit back and see that my life is better than 90% of the people out there, but every time anything goes wrong i just fall appart and cant appreciate anything, the negatives take control. I cant remember the last time i was happy, but i dont think im depressed coz this feeling of hoplessness and pain comes and goes. Im lost in my life right now, coz this is something i need to stop, but i dont even understand why i do it, it just feels so good in times of desperation and pain, like a release. When i feel the pain, and i see the blood flowing so freely its like i go away, im in my own world where im helping myself, not hurting myself.

But deep down i know i am only causing harm

[Mzor203]

But deep down i know i am only causing harm

This here is what you need to embrace. That one part of you that knows something is wrong, that part which knows something needs to be done.

I'm going to start off by first asking, why do you feel that you cannot get help such as counselling? It's perfectly fine for people to know, it isn't going to directly harm you. And I have found that counseling with these types of things is one of the best treatments there are.

Maybe a place to start would be telling close family members. It seem hard, and it seems scary, I've been there with depression. But in the end it's worth it. Especially since you say that they care, that is a good sign! They will most likely help you to recover and get the help you need.

I think mainly you are going to have to reconsider your position. It could be possible that the only way for you to overcome this is to get help. There are very short term tricks a solutions, but you need to start working towards dealing with the problem for good. And if that means getting assistance, then that's what it's gonna take.