I need an answer...Help me...Please

[EverlostPoet]

ok i need to get this off my chest and i trust the people on here.. so here go everything...

ok so this girl named Vanessa moves to our town, my best friend Josh, falls in love with her. She is a very nice, cute, beautiful girl. Now me and Josh are HUGE Christians. So our church where Vanessa just started going to, Was going to FUGE. FUGE is a Christian camp the biggest one i think. Anyway 3 days before we go, Vanessa come to the Gale(my neighborhood) and hangs out with me( now remember she is going out with my best friend, Josh) And me and her get to know each other and end up in the woods, and had sex. I regret it very much, but i ended up falling in love with her. so she cheated on Josh with me. So we got to FUGE 3 days later, and the first day (now to let you know, i have a very guilty conscience.) and every time i saw josh i had to turn away or walk off, i just couldnt talk to him, i mean he is my best friend. The next day at FUGE, in the morning Josh runs up to me and asks whats wrong, and i just bursted out and told him everything... He breaks up with Vanessa...Vanessa cries and if anyone on here knows me, it KILLS me to see a girl cry, so i tell Josh it was all a lie, so he hooks back up with her...Well after Josh belives me again, he breaks up with her again and then she moves to columbia SC,(FUGE is over now) so i Drive 190 miles to see her, and me and her hook up... i Really love her but...SO does Josh. So me and Vanessa are still going out but i cant talk to my best friend... i just dont know what to do.. Can someone please help me? Thanks in advance...

[LiGHT]

Dude this really seems bad. I think it wasn't right or wrong because maybe he or you are not meant to be together. If you love her then go for it but just think. who would you rather have? i don't mean it as girls are possessions at all. Just think long and hard about it. it was wrong that you had sex with her because you knew it was wrong and lieing to your bestfriend.. do you think he would lie to you? I don't know but things happen for a reason and maybe this happened for good.. or not :(. Don't let anything change. Talk to them and work it out as best to your abilities.

[Blue63]

Wow a sticky situation this truly is, now I'm a christian to, so to get the guilty conscience thing, with pre-marital sex out of the way, just pray, the power of prayer is incredible ;)

Now on to the real stuff, I think what you really need to do first is talk to Vanessa on the phone or in person or whatever and just tell her your intense guilt, and tell her you need to sort things out with your best friend before anything else can happen with her. Vanessa should understand, just tell her it will be a few days of some soul searching, if she's a good person and truly cares about you, she'll support this.

Now if you and Josh are really best friends, you can make it through this, have you guys done much talking since you had sex with Vanessa (and started going out with her)? Even if you haven't, you need to get a hold of him and talk to him, preferably in person. Tell him how you really do love her, and you never meant to hurt him. Now this is where you have to make the decision. What is more important to you, your friendship with Josh, or you're love for Vanessa. You may need to tell him and be willing to end things with Vanessa so she and Josh can have another chance, if he is a true friend he'll understand your feelings and say that's not necessary, but you did steal her from him and he needs to know that you still want to be friends. Things aren't going to get better if you don't work things out with Josh, whatever the result may be.

Hope I helped, if you ever need anything else don't hesitate to ask!

[IAMWILL]

I'm sorry, but I somewhat don't believe this. You met a girl, talked to her, then had sex in the woods, and then she moved after her boyfriend broke up with her and you drove 200 miles to see her? That just doesn't happen in a week. If this is true though, I agree with Blue63 entirely.

[byee]

This is real drama!

OK, so you had a slip up, an irrestible impulse. Some people can get on with it and just learn from the experience. But, what you're saying here is that the whole affair is so against your moral fiber that you can't let go of it, and your response to it is making it worse, and you can't live with yourself.

I think the solution here is difficult: You need to tell Josh the truth, and put it into some context for him, like the irrestible impulse/I-have-more-work-to-do-to-accomplish-my-ideals explanation. It's easier to forgive someone when they have a no bull explanation that takes complete responsibility for their actions, devoid of any excuses or justifications for their bad judgement. You have to hope that the strength of your friendship and his internalization of what you're saying are your shared "Huge" Christianity allow him to forgive you and see this as a human weakness, rather than something you did intentionally to him (or her). However, like you, he might need some time to reach his ideals, too.

A painful lesson, as most are, and you might lose a friend here and hurt another. All you can do is fess up and hope for the best. But, lying and feeling guilty isn't going to work. Once something happens, you have to deal with it, regardless of the consequences.

[EverlostPoet]

Thanks ppl, i am sorta starting to talk to Josh and IAMWILL, its in a span of 4 weeks.

[dstnyisurs]

Hmm sounds like you all screwed up.
Your friendship between you and Josh is more important then this girl who comes in and screws things up and then moves out.
Forget her. Go back to normal with Josh. She's not worth your time.

[EverlostPoet]

well i cant let her go right yet...shes got my ring(Grad) and my Camera. x.x

[dstnyisurs]

Hmm, my advice would be to talk it out with both Josh and Vanessa. Maybe you guys can all chat,and get this sorted out, and agree to tell the truth.

[Corey G.]

I'll say it now what most of you have already said i bet with 100% of my mind that I dont agree with at all unless its what I have said.(course thats kinda given to begin with)(course I highly dout any of you did) Dude that was stupid of you, you will be paying for you mistake for awhile, and I hate to tell ya this but you will have to deal with it. =/ it was plain stupid of you. And your not showing your sorry, and to be completely honest your being completely selfish. And now (i know this one might hurt abit or a lot) what would Adrianna think of this situation, and what would she tell you(if she could speak to you from where she is). I know what I'd say, leave Vanessa and show Josh your sorry. And go into deep prayer with God about this(honestly id say do that last part first) thats the most important thing to do. And go with whatever way you feel afterwords(I would say stay in prayer for about a week while in a certain fast(like giving up something you enjoy)) thats my advice

[kyle95]

separate the two issues mate. she's the wild card. she's not a gold mine u or he can lay claim to. indeed u both find her beautiful, charming and worth pursuing. whether he or you 'hooked up' with her means nothing. what will matter is who among u is taking the time and investing the energy in trying 2 cultivate a relationship with a young lady. don't get tempted labelling her as 'lose' or anything; she simply responded to the sort of attention u both gave her. it's time 4 more serious attention and commitment. therefore it has nothing to do with ur friendship - a higher mountain is a higher mountain, your friend has nothing to contend if ur determined 2 make the climb mate. good luck