There Are Plenty of Fish in the Sea...

[jim.1234567890]

i feel extremely depressed about my attempts at getting a girlfirend

to me that is the ultimate thing that matters to me, i want to be able to have a girlfriend that i can tell that i love, and really, truly mean it


i remember my first crush that i ever had that set the precedent of how i would act towards girls from then on

in first grade when i was the age of six i had a crush on this girl, and in first grade when everything was girls vs boys and being with a girl was a bad thing if you were a boy, what did i do to show this girl that i had a crush on her?

i didn't push her down or make fun of her

the thing that i remember that i did, was i let her cut in front of me in line so that she could be the last one to go down the slide before everyone had to go inside from recess

and since then all i have ever done to show a girl that i cared about her was try to be nice, i try t tell her good things about herself whether it be looks or personality, i try to make her feel good, and i try to make her happy

i do this because any time a girl that i care about feels happy, it makes me feel happy, and if i am the one who causes her to feel happy, it makes me feel twice as happy as that

all i want is to have a girl that i can make happy, and show that i love her


but as a sophomore in high school i have never had a girlfriend, i have never kissed a girl, and the closest i have ever gotten to be with a girl was a hug, a hug from one of my friends who was a girl, because she felt bad that her boyfriend broke up with her

i wished that this girl would have gone out with me, hell i even told her later when we were talking about how she had broken up with her boyfriend that if she had went out with me, she would never have another relationship problem again

to which she replied with "i know" and that was the end of it


every single time i like a girl and try to show her that i like her we can be happy together, we can laugh together, i can help her and make her feel good, and this makes me feel good

but the one thing that no girl i have ever cared about has ever been able to do with me, is be able to care about me as more than a friend

ever.

i try so goddamned hard whenever i care about a girl to make her happy, and i try to show her that i care about her, and i try to make her feel good, and i try to show that we would be good if we were to go out with eachother

i try so i can find any type of response that she in interested in me, but i never find that

i have never once had a girl show me in any way shape or form that she is interested in me, ever.

i'm not one of those nerdy guys, and i'm not one of those jocky guys, i try to be myself all of the time, and i have alot of friends, and people like me the way i am

but no girl has ever wanted to be more than my friend ever.


i hate the fact that i have never had a girlfriend, and have never been able to get a girlfriend, but all of the time i see so many other guys who are obviously only interested in a girl to serve themselves

guys that don't care about a relationship or the girl, but only care about sex, or just get a girl because they want to say they have one

i realize i might have a pessimistic view on other guys, or i might be flat out wrong about some other guys, but from all of my experiences, i am right in what i say


and in the end of those types of relationships it always ends with the guy moving on, and the girl feeling horrible after the relationship is over, when if those same girls had given me a chance i would have made them feel the happiest they have ever been in their entire lives


every single time that i care about a girl, and it goes absolutely nowhere for so long to the point where i just give up, or i care about a girl so much and while i am with her trying to show her that she tells me about her new boyfriend, it hurts

it hurts really bad, and every time it has hurt worse and worse

the only thing that i do when that happens is try again, and i keep trying, but it is really getting to the point where i question why i keep trying

sure sometimes i feel bad that maybe i am expecting too much of these girls, or that i am just being selfish, and that i should make them happy just for the sake of making them happy

then i remember how bad it hurt the last time a girl was blatantly obvious towards me that she didn't care about me in the least, except when i was helping her, or i remember how badly it hurt me that they don't care

i am not a saint, and you could call it selfish, but that is the reason that i tell myself that it is ok that i stop being overly nice, or going way out of my way to help a girl that i used to care about, when she doesn't care about me



because i have never had a girlfriend i don't know if i could ever live up to all the things i think i would be able to do in a relationship, and i don't know if i could show my girl that i love her, and i don't know if i could make her feel better than she has ever felt before

but what i do know is that if i ever had the chance i would try

i would try as hard as i could to show her all of those things, and to make her happy

and if i failed, i would try again even harder



i have never gotten a chance to show a girl how i feel, and to make her feel good

and i don't know if i ever will



i wish that i could have a girl who i could tell i love her and really truly mean it, a girl i could make happy, and a girl i could care about, who would care about me back

[Reality]

but as a sophomore in high school i have never had a girlfriend, i have never kissed a girl, and the closest i have ever gotten to be with a girl was a hug, a hug from one of my friends who was a girl, because she felt bad that her boyfriend broke up with her

i wished that this girl would have gone out with me, hell i even told her later when we were talking about how she had broken up with her boyfriend that if she had went out with me, she would never have another relationship problem again

to which she replied with "i know" and that was the end of it
Well, if it isn't the Nice Guy (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice+guy)!?

Just joking. But seriously, as your topic title suggests. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You're only in high school, as you know, just like us guys, girls can surely and truely be utter bitches only facinated with the hottest guys. These girl friends (not girlfriends, girl friends) of yours that you sound like bitches, and they don't really deserve your friendship at all.

You should try to be yourself as much as possible, but you shouldn't bend over backwards for girls. Ever. It just gives the impression you're a "silly, sweet boy", which means they won't take you seriously. But one day, a girl will appreciate you. I don't know what the hell a sophmore is, but I know you're in high school, and your personality is ahead of its time, I'm afraid. But that says a lot about your future.

Also. I know you probably know this, but whether you like it or not, looks are also important. You don't have to be Brad Pitt or the most muscular guy with the best hair and abs, but you do have to carry yourself with effort. Remember that nobody is "ugly", and that looks are an easy way to change. You could try making yourself more attractive (not saying you're not, but I don't know). Get a new hair-do, work out some more maybe?

You don't have to really "change", but seeing as you want a girlfriend, you have to improve all your qualities to the best you can.

You see, I'm not the best looking guy in the world either, but I consider myself lucky and good-looking (not drop-dead gorgeous), whether everybody agrees or not isn't important, but I've already had a few girlfriends, so I'm quite content with myself.

[byee]

I agree with Chris here, nice job!

Wanting a girlfriend is one thing, and pretty normal. But NEEDING it as strongly as you do is quite another. I'm not sure what that's about for you, where it comes from, but typically I think the basis for 'going out' is far more casual. Sure, the feelings are there, but not as intensely as your apparently looking for. And maybe that's all driving this quest for you, and the girls are picking up on it?

If you're after something a bit different than most, although it might not be easy for them to identify, they 'feel' it, it's just 'different' for them, so they back away. Also, if you subjugate (a big word meaning to put yourself second) your needs to theirs , the 'I always want to please girls', they might feel that as a bit different, too. People like attention, but they also like to see and feel and get to know the other person, too, which means exposing yourself and letting people get to know you. If you're always focused on them and their needs, that can't happen as easily (as an FYI, a lot of girls find guys who do that as 'sweet', but also 'wishy washy').

Be yourself more, let go of this need to HAVE, and I think it might flow a bit better for you.

[LiGHT]

I am exactly how you are, While my friends would just go to the movies to make out I would actually talk to the girl and get to know her first. I have never had a gf or a kiss just a hug and When i was in 4th grade I became friends with alot of girls and my friends that are boys shunned me and wouldn't talk to me so all I had to hang out with was girls and thats not bad but soon everyone started calling me gay when I wasn't and it hurt me. Just keep trying because I felt the same way too a while ago and i almost screw up with this girl but I think everything is going to be ok because for once she likes me too.

[Blue63]

I to will be a sophmore in high school, never had a girlfriend, never had a kiss. I don't share your intense urge to have a girlfriend, but I do know how it feels to be all alone.

Now when you go looking for a girl, chances are you're just going to seem desperate, and that's going to make you undesirable to most girls. But that doesn't stop you from finding a good friend. I have a girl that is one of my best friends, we make each other happy, but not romantically, we're not sexually attracted to each other. Sure we try and make each other happy, I've told her I love her and she's said the same thing to me. Everything you desire. So what I suggest would be to maybe try and just find a friend right now, she might calm down your urge.

I believe love is found best when it finds you. It's not something you just go looking for and truly find. You can't force love upon anyone, and you can't make it come when it's not ready. However you can open the door so when love is there, it can come right in. Love will sneak up on you, it will catch you off guard, that's just how it works. Wait, and be patient, and in time, it will come. The fact that you don't have a girlfriend doesn't define you, just sit and watch others, as you learn a lot from watching from the side lines. It will come, it always does.

Take that built up energy and frustration and channel it into something else, a hobby, a sport, whatever. Now what I'm going to suggest to you is going to sound totally corny and maybe a little "weird", but I do it and it works. When you get really frustrated, just go outside, rain or shine, sit down and meditate. Breathe deeply, clear your mind, let your worries drift away. I like to do it outside because you can't control the weather or mother earth, just as how you can't control love :D Maybe look up some breathing excersizes or Thai Chi online, it helps me, it could help you.

Good luck

[jim.1234567890]

50% say just wait and it might get better: I have been waiting and i will continue to wait in the hopes that it will get better

25% say become a manlier man: i am a confident and respected person, you may have misinterpreted my completely honest post as making me a feminine man, i am not

25% say stop trying so hard: i can only speak from what i think that i do, but i do not see myself as smothering girls or trying too hard, i try to do what i feel is right, drop hints, flirt, make them laugh, but also be helpful and nice.


my goal isn't always to simply make the girl happy, but to make it so that i can be happy WITH her


i have the choice between accepting i just haven't found the right girl yet

or that i am doing something wrong and not sending the right signal, or just sending a signal that is pure and good, but too different than the norm so it is dismissed

or a little bit of both

I appreciate all of the replies, and all of the future replies


I do not know how i will choose to continue handling my problem, but i will try, and i figure that is the best i can do