Flutterfly
June 30th, 2009, 11:44 PM
(I'm not finished yet and some of the formatting may be lost, but this is what I got. The italicized thoughts aren't right, but there are too many to go fix right now...)
EDIT: I put more up and italicized...
EDIT: all done ^-^
It is cold outside, the wind is blowing harshly and you can hear it howling. Rain starts to fall from the dark grey clouds adding to the harsh weather. Despite the raindrops’ knife like qualities, Nami stands in the cold harsh rain with her face blank. Her green eyes look empty but concentrated; her dark short hair is tucked under an even darker hoodie. Nami’s hands are in the front pocket of her hoodie, protected from the harsh weather. Her dark baggy jeans cover her feet and dark flip flops. What is the purpose of my being here? The reason I have to be the way I am? I do not think I will ever have a friend who I can open up to with out the whole world knowing how I feel. Even if the whole world did know how I feel I doubt they would really even care anyway. Nami’s thoughts loop through her head with the same reasoning but in different variations. I do not belong here.
A voice breaks through Nami’s thoughts causing her to need to think about what was just said. The voice comes again as if knowing she did not understand it; her mother’s voice. “Namidaame, come inside before you catch a cold.” Nami looks at her surroundings. Large dark clouds cover the sky, no sun in sight, tall dark trees scatter the large open field, Nami’s house sits behind her where the voice was coming from, it’s old rustic looking features whispering that it does not belong either. The only reason you want me inside is so you do not have to take care of a sick child. You do not really care if I get sick. You just do not want to deal with me. Nami’s depressing thoughts are again interrupted by her mother’s voice. “Namidaame, come inside now. Are you listening to me?” Nami drops her head and sighs, then turning to face her mother. “I am coming.” Nami walks slowly toward the back door of the house where her mother called her from. She took in the harsh cold rain pelting her face and the cold winds pushing her while she walked to the door. The expression on her mother’s face showed she was growing more impatient with each step Nami took.
Finally Nami reached the door and as soon as her last foot hit the floor inside the door was shut behind her loudly. Nami flinched at the sound and the sudden stop of cold harsh rain and wind. Her mother looked her over with dismay and spoke softly but with a hint of disappointment. “Nami, go put some dry clothes on. I do not want you catching a cold.” Nami nodded as she headed down the unlit hallway. Even with the lights off she could feel the bright colors bouncing off the walls and trying to seep inside her. You only want me dry so I do not get anything else wet. You only want me well so you do not have to deal with me. Why am I here if no one is going to really care for me? Nami hated that her thoughts were always so depressing but felt that they were the truth and depressing thoughts were better then lies. Nami entered her room and shut the door to the rest of the world.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
Nami sat on her bed; it was early in the morning and the sun was beginning to rise. Mom was right, being out in the rain all wet and cold would get me sick. Now she has to put up with me being sick. Nami grabbed a tissue to blow her nose yet again. Nami looked around her room, plain white paint on the walls, posters of bands covered as much of the white as she could, her small dresser stood under one of her windows, at the other was her black painted desk, across from her was her door and she sat on her small bed that had dark sheets and covers on it. Nami sighed. I do not understand why I am here. Why I am with this family. They do not really want me. They do not really love me as much as other people’s families love them. They tell me they do, but they don’t.
Nami jumped as she heard the door open. Her mother peered in from the hall, now lit up like the sun was directly inside it, bright blue paint radiating through. “I brought you some soup Nami. You should drink it so you can get well faster.” Her mother held a Cup’o Soup. She walked over to the side of Nami’s bed and offered her the soup. “Drink the soup then get some rest.” Nami took the soup reluctantly. You only give me soup so you do not have to put up with me as long. My well being is not even a concern of yours. Nami whispered “thanks” hiding her reluctance. Her mother smiled, almost too politely, then left the room shutting the door behind her. Nami closed her eyes and sipped at the soup. The hot liquid felt good going down her sore throat. Nami felt like staying in her bed until she got better; and she did.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
A week had gone by since Nami had gotten sick, she was finally better now and the sun was back to its shining. Nami had only gotten more depressed in the time she sat in her room getting well; especially since she had to go to a party for the neighborhood in an hour. Nami trudged her feet as her mother told her to start getting ready. Why do you care if I go? You do not like me anyway. You are not proud of me. You are proud of the thought of me. And not even my personality at that. “I can just stay home, clean the house or something. I am old enough. I’m sixteen. Sixteen year olds are responsible enough to stay home.” Her mother frowned at her, “Namidaame that is not the point. You are going to the party, so go get ready.” Nami recognized her mother’s tone as a warning not to argue and quietly walked to her room to find an appropriate dress for the party. Oh so you do care about me; torturing me.
Nami pulled out a short black dress and slid it over her baggy jeans. The dress’ top was like a t-shirt but a bit dressier and puffed out a little at the bottom. Nami grabbed a studded belt to put on over the waist of the dress. Mom said I had to go, she did not say what I had to wear. Nami applied heavy mascara to her eye lashes and extra eye shadow then what was needed. She parted her hair on the side and brushed it over her right eye. Nami walked out of her room and into the room where the rest of her family was. I am not changing into something else; they are already making me go to this stupid party. Nami saw the disapproving look in her mother’s eyes. Her mother kept her mouth shut as if knowing that forcing Nami to go to the party was the most she would get with out any screaming. Nami felt happiness spread through her. I won. I do not have to change. Before she could continue in her joy she felt a nagging grief. It isn’t fair what I’m doing.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
Nami followed her family to the field where the party was. Lush green grass covered the ground, delicate iron tables and matching chairs scatter the field, and various colored paper lanterns hang from trees, scatter tables and outlines paths. Nami drifts away from her family and goes to a emptier area where there are not as many people and sits in one of the chairs. The cold iron of the chair cools her skin through the layers of clothes. If only I was at home in my room. It is much warmer there. As pretty as this place is, it is not fun to be here. Nami watches her mother’s glance of dissatisfaction. Yes mom. I am sitting here away from everyone. You knew I would. Nami’s mother walks off chatting with friends. Nami diverts her eyes and looks at her shoes against the cold grass. If you really cared would you not have asked if I had wanted to come? I do not even know where to begin about what you would do if you cared because I have never felt the care I wish I had. The care I know I need. Nami closes her eyes tightly but is interrupted by someone tapping her on the shoulder; one of the girls from school. Nami never remembers their names. Why should I remember their names when all they ever do is look down on me for the way I dress or act? They hate me for my dark close, my personality, and the sharpie on my arms, the make-up that I wear and even the things they do not know about. They hate me for it all. Nami gets up and leaves the girl standing alone by the chair looking as if she has just lost a puppy. Yes, you lost a victim. But why should I stay and be your victim when everyone else has already claimed me?
Nami is paying more attention to the victimizer she has escaped then where she is going. Nami bumps into some one. Oh, great now I have to talk to someone who is going to hate me? Nami takes in a breath, “Sorry.” The girl smiles at Nami. Smiles? “It’s no problem. What’s your name?” Great, now she asked my name. What am I going to do? I do not want to talk to her. Nami hesitates and glances around. “Nami.” The girl smiles and pauses as if waiting for Nami to ask her name. “Well, Nami, my name is Kristi.” She probably thinks I want to be her friend. Great. Nami looks off to where her mother is, then back to Kristi. “Well. I was heading home. Goodbye.” Kristi’s facial expression went from one of the most exciting days of her life to as if her every hope and dream had been crushed. How wonderful, this is one of the main reasons I do not talk to people. I make them sad. “I am sorry. Did I do something wrong?” Nami waits patiently for Kristi to look up from the ground where her eyes had diverted. “Kristi…” She looks up with a tear in her eye, “I am sorry. I will just go.” Kristi starts to walk off but Nami grabbed her arm. “No, I know some thing is wrong. Please, is it me?” Pain struck Nami. How much more selfish could that have sounded? Maybe I should apolo- Nami’s thought it interrupted by Kristi’s words, “No. I just…” Kristi’s head drops and her gaze shifts to the ground. “I don’t have any friends here.” Some one else who doesn’t have any friends. How could this be? She must have just moved here. “How long have you lived here?” Kristi’s eyes held more tears, “Almost two years.” Two year. That is too long to not have any friends. Not if you want them anyways. “I am sorry. I would be your friend, but I will not be so much fun.” Kristi’s face lit up a bit, “I would like a friend. Even if they are not that much fun; it is better then none. Besides, who are you to decide I will think you are no fun?” What? She thinks I am going to be fun? Ha, this is going to be interesting. “You’ll see.” Kristi’s face lights up even more, “No, you will see Nami.” I will see? I do not even like talking to people. They always hurt you. I guess I will just give being her friend a shot. Nami sighs as the cold air presses through her skin as if telling her that loneliness is what this world is all about.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
“Namidaame!” her mother’s voice was piercing her ears even through her door. What does she want now? Nami lets out a sigh and calls back, “What mom?!” Nami hears her doorknob handle twist. Gosh, she makes me go to a party last night and wake up before lunch time? What kind of mom is she? Her mother pushes through the door. “Namidaame, Kristi called. She wants you to go with her for three days to that new amusement park. Her family offered to pay for you.” Someone else, would pay for… me? “I guess so.” Nami’s expression is one of puzzlement. Her mother smiled too politely and walked out the door. Nami heard her mother get back on the phone. I guess I should start packing some things if I am going to escape this prison for a few days. Nami grabs a backpack and begins to start packing.
Nami feels a tear on her cheek. No, this friendship is going to end like every other. She will find my secrets and tell everyone. Then she will fit in and I will become even more of an out cast. Nami tries pushing the thoughts away before she starts crying. No, maybe this will be different. Maybe she will care about me. Nami grabbed up her backpack and headed to the door. Kristi will be here in as little as five minutes and she has a surprise. I wonder what it is. What if it is something bad? Nami tries pushing the thought away only to be interrupted by the door bell ringing. Nami jumps. I know I was expecting her to be here, but I guess it did not sink in. No one ever sticks with me for long. How long will she last? Nami closes her eyes tightly and heads to the door. With her hand squeezed on the door knob, she opens her eyes and opens it softy. Kristi stands there with a huge smile on her face and a boy next to her. Great, her surprise is another person. Kristi speaks softly as if with real sincere care, “Hi Nami! This is Zac. I met him yesterday. He doesn’t have any friends either.” Zac stands there quietly, he barely moves and his face has gone pale. Obviously this Zac kid is shy. Well, at least I do not have to worry about him blabbing all of my secrets. Not that I am going to trust either of them yet. “Uh, hi Zac. I’m Nami.” Nami feels stupid the way she has responded, but she could not think of anything to say. “Well,” says Kristi smiling faintly as if knowing no one has anything to say, “we should be going.”
The car ride is boring, like everything else in life according to Nami. No one talks, they all just sit there. When is this car ride going to be over? Where are we staying? Are they going to hate me and only hang out with each other? Nami glances at Kristi and Zac sitting next to her. Yes, they are going to hate me. Still no one talked; the logic of thoughts made was not really logic at all. Kristi and Zac were just as depressed as Nami was but no one felt like confessing how they felt. Nami did not want to be the first person to confess such a thing; let alone talk. This ride is more boring then the ones with my family. At least no one is getting in trouble or arguing here. Nami’s thought process was interrupted by Kristi’s mother talking to her husband. Kristi’s eyes glanced forward as did Zac’s. No one really wants to sit here in the quiet car. The parents obviously notice the kids are too shy – too depressed even, maybe – so they decided to let the kids work it out on their own time.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
The car pulls into a hotel. A small hotel, cozy but almost abandoned looking. Kristi’s face twitches as if wanting to smile. Her parents get out and head to the front with her little brother running ahead. A sign stand against the building but the name is too worn down to read. Nami just gets out and stands there taking in the scene. Zac and Kristi get out as well. They too stand there taking in the scene. I guess none of us want to talk because we are all afraid of getting hurt. Or maybe they want me to talk first so I think it was my idea to tell them all my life’s secrets. Well they are going to have to talk first. Zac’s thoughts run a long the same thought process as Nami’s only a little more trusting. Kristi’s thoughts are still trying to figure out how to talk, she is tired of feeling how she assumes Nami and Zac feel and wants to be happy. Finally Zac squeaks out a few words. “We should go in.” Nami is surprised by the authority in his voice; especially for the way he had squeaked out his words. Kristi nodded, “Yes.” Well there goes my get-Nami-to-talk-first-so-she-thinks-it’s-her-idea assumption. Zac starts hesitantly walking toward the front of the hotel where they had seen Kristi’s parents go in. Kristi and Nami follow shortly after.
Zac had already been in the main part of the hotel five minutes before Kristi and Nami made it there. They walk through the door only to see a frown on Zac’s face. Oh no, what happened? Kristi speaks Nami’s thoughts before Nami has a chance. “Zac, what is wrong?” Kristi looks over to her parents and so does Nami; they too are frowning. Zac lets out a soft sigh of disappointment and looks to Kristi’s parents. Her father speaks to them as his son wonders around the small lobby. “The amusement park we were going to go to is, well, closed because of some issues.” Before the kids faces drop to much Kristi’s mother interrupts. “There are still fun things to do. Like museums for example. There is a graffiti museum not far from here.” They all stared blankly at her. That sounds interesting, but my opinions are far too different then theirs. None of us will like the same pieces. This can not be fun. Zac, obviously tired of being quiet, speaks up. “That would be good. Are we going tomorrow?” Kristi’s mom smiles at the fact that she pleased one of the three teens enough to talk. “Yes, tomorrow. You three and Jon are sharing a room.” That must be the name of Kristi’s little brother. Kristi’s father handed her a key with a number hanging on it. Room three. I wonder how many room there even are? Kristi glances at Nami and Zac as if saying for them to follow her; they do because she walks out with the key. Jon begs his parents to let him stay with them until it is bed time and his parents agree. Kristi, Nami and Zac are out the door before any further discussion can be made.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
It is eleven at night. They had just arrived at the hotel two hours ago and are already in bed. Jon slept on a cot, Zac on the pull out couch with Kristi and Nami in the beds. Only Nami did not sleep, and honestly, she was not sure that Zac or Kristi are asleep either. I am so nervous. Tomorrow we have to go to that museum. What happens when we all have different opinions and mine are hated? Maybe I am just worrying about this all too much. But no, I am so tired of everything in life going so wrong! I can not trust them, they will hurt me. I know they will. Nami falls asleep with tears coming from her eyes; she knows they are going to stain her face for the morning. All of them are asleep now; nervous and scared, afraid of what tomorrow may bring them.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
The sun pours through the window. Where am I? This does not feel like my bed. Nami sits up and looks around the sunlit room. The room was a beige color with purple and black details on them. It looked almost like a pathetic attempt at a gothic-style room. It did not fail miserable, but their goal did not look accomplished either. Nami looked over to where Kristi was on the other bed; purple and black sheets swirled around Kristi. Her short blonde hair was sprawled about on the bed, her eyes closed shut tightly and a relaxed expression on her face. Nami looked to the cot Jon lay on. His short blonde hair was not even messed up the slightest. His blue blanket –which looked more like a rag – covered him snugly. Nami let out a sigh before turning to look at Zac. He’s awake! Oh no, I must have looked like an idiot. A smirk crossed Zac’s face, his green eyes sparkled. His light brown floppy hair swayed as he moved his head. “I’ve been up for an hour.” Nami just stared shocked. “Oh.” Oh great, that sounded stupid. Kristi sat up in bed and looked at the other two. “Why are you up?” Nami and Zac’s faces contorted as if to say they were supposed to be up and Kristi must be out of it. “Oh, it’s morning already?” Again Nami and Zac looked at Kristi with their crooked faces, this time because the sun was obviously lighting up the room. “Oh alright, I’m not a morning person.” Nami and ac still stared at Kristi, this time maybe more out of amusement. All of them laughed. Wait, we are getting along. Did I miss something? We are laughing together. This must be a distraction. They are going to get me to trust them. Then they are going to hurt me! Nami starts crying but she has not realized yet what is going on. Everything is a blur, and finally her emotions have gotten the better of her.
This is not right. I am so scared. I am going to be hurt. They are not going to love me. Everything in the room seems to be spinning around Nami. She feels like everything is spinning around her. She can see faces and they are not moving – a bit blurry – but only the furniture and room is spinning. Nami can feel her throat as she hears herself crying out. Is this finally the end of me? Am I good and done? Dying? Going to one of those mental hospitals? Finally the spinning stops and Nami’s loud cries are replaced with soft whimpers because she is too weak to go on like that. Soft voices filter through her ears; unfamiliar, but at the same time very familiar. “Nami, are you okay?” That is Kristi. “Nami! Look at me! What’s wrong?” That sounds like Zac. Nami tries opening her eyes, the tears are still burning. “What happened?” Nami hears Zac stifle a whimper, “We were laughing and then you started crying. And you fell down.” Nami looks around the room, nothing is spinning any more. Kristi and Zac have tears in their eyes. Some one actually cares about me. Some one cares what happens to me. They actually love me.
EDIT: I put more up and italicized...
EDIT: all done ^-^
It is cold outside, the wind is blowing harshly and you can hear it howling. Rain starts to fall from the dark grey clouds adding to the harsh weather. Despite the raindrops’ knife like qualities, Nami stands in the cold harsh rain with her face blank. Her green eyes look empty but concentrated; her dark short hair is tucked under an even darker hoodie. Nami’s hands are in the front pocket of her hoodie, protected from the harsh weather. Her dark baggy jeans cover her feet and dark flip flops. What is the purpose of my being here? The reason I have to be the way I am? I do not think I will ever have a friend who I can open up to with out the whole world knowing how I feel. Even if the whole world did know how I feel I doubt they would really even care anyway. Nami’s thoughts loop through her head with the same reasoning but in different variations. I do not belong here.
A voice breaks through Nami’s thoughts causing her to need to think about what was just said. The voice comes again as if knowing she did not understand it; her mother’s voice. “Namidaame, come inside before you catch a cold.” Nami looks at her surroundings. Large dark clouds cover the sky, no sun in sight, tall dark trees scatter the large open field, Nami’s house sits behind her where the voice was coming from, it’s old rustic looking features whispering that it does not belong either. The only reason you want me inside is so you do not have to take care of a sick child. You do not really care if I get sick. You just do not want to deal with me. Nami’s depressing thoughts are again interrupted by her mother’s voice. “Namidaame, come inside now. Are you listening to me?” Nami drops her head and sighs, then turning to face her mother. “I am coming.” Nami walks slowly toward the back door of the house where her mother called her from. She took in the harsh cold rain pelting her face and the cold winds pushing her while she walked to the door. The expression on her mother’s face showed she was growing more impatient with each step Nami took.
Finally Nami reached the door and as soon as her last foot hit the floor inside the door was shut behind her loudly. Nami flinched at the sound and the sudden stop of cold harsh rain and wind. Her mother looked her over with dismay and spoke softly but with a hint of disappointment. “Nami, go put some dry clothes on. I do not want you catching a cold.” Nami nodded as she headed down the unlit hallway. Even with the lights off she could feel the bright colors bouncing off the walls and trying to seep inside her. You only want me dry so I do not get anything else wet. You only want me well so you do not have to deal with me. Why am I here if no one is going to really care for me? Nami hated that her thoughts were always so depressing but felt that they were the truth and depressing thoughts were better then lies. Nami entered her room and shut the door to the rest of the world.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
Nami sat on her bed; it was early in the morning and the sun was beginning to rise. Mom was right, being out in the rain all wet and cold would get me sick. Now she has to put up with me being sick. Nami grabbed a tissue to blow her nose yet again. Nami looked around her room, plain white paint on the walls, posters of bands covered as much of the white as she could, her small dresser stood under one of her windows, at the other was her black painted desk, across from her was her door and she sat on her small bed that had dark sheets and covers on it. Nami sighed. I do not understand why I am here. Why I am with this family. They do not really want me. They do not really love me as much as other people’s families love them. They tell me they do, but they don’t.
Nami jumped as she heard the door open. Her mother peered in from the hall, now lit up like the sun was directly inside it, bright blue paint radiating through. “I brought you some soup Nami. You should drink it so you can get well faster.” Her mother held a Cup’o Soup. She walked over to the side of Nami’s bed and offered her the soup. “Drink the soup then get some rest.” Nami took the soup reluctantly. You only give me soup so you do not have to put up with me as long. My well being is not even a concern of yours. Nami whispered “thanks” hiding her reluctance. Her mother smiled, almost too politely, then left the room shutting the door behind her. Nami closed her eyes and sipped at the soup. The hot liquid felt good going down her sore throat. Nami felt like staying in her bed until she got better; and she did.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
A week had gone by since Nami had gotten sick, she was finally better now and the sun was back to its shining. Nami had only gotten more depressed in the time she sat in her room getting well; especially since she had to go to a party for the neighborhood in an hour. Nami trudged her feet as her mother told her to start getting ready. Why do you care if I go? You do not like me anyway. You are not proud of me. You are proud of the thought of me. And not even my personality at that. “I can just stay home, clean the house or something. I am old enough. I’m sixteen. Sixteen year olds are responsible enough to stay home.” Her mother frowned at her, “Namidaame that is not the point. You are going to the party, so go get ready.” Nami recognized her mother’s tone as a warning not to argue and quietly walked to her room to find an appropriate dress for the party. Oh so you do care about me; torturing me.
Nami pulled out a short black dress and slid it over her baggy jeans. The dress’ top was like a t-shirt but a bit dressier and puffed out a little at the bottom. Nami grabbed a studded belt to put on over the waist of the dress. Mom said I had to go, she did not say what I had to wear. Nami applied heavy mascara to her eye lashes and extra eye shadow then what was needed. She parted her hair on the side and brushed it over her right eye. Nami walked out of her room and into the room where the rest of her family was. I am not changing into something else; they are already making me go to this stupid party. Nami saw the disapproving look in her mother’s eyes. Her mother kept her mouth shut as if knowing that forcing Nami to go to the party was the most she would get with out any screaming. Nami felt happiness spread through her. I won. I do not have to change. Before she could continue in her joy she felt a nagging grief. It isn’t fair what I’m doing.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
Nami followed her family to the field where the party was. Lush green grass covered the ground, delicate iron tables and matching chairs scatter the field, and various colored paper lanterns hang from trees, scatter tables and outlines paths. Nami drifts away from her family and goes to a emptier area where there are not as many people and sits in one of the chairs. The cold iron of the chair cools her skin through the layers of clothes. If only I was at home in my room. It is much warmer there. As pretty as this place is, it is not fun to be here. Nami watches her mother’s glance of dissatisfaction. Yes mom. I am sitting here away from everyone. You knew I would. Nami’s mother walks off chatting with friends. Nami diverts her eyes and looks at her shoes against the cold grass. If you really cared would you not have asked if I had wanted to come? I do not even know where to begin about what you would do if you cared because I have never felt the care I wish I had. The care I know I need. Nami closes her eyes tightly but is interrupted by someone tapping her on the shoulder; one of the girls from school. Nami never remembers their names. Why should I remember their names when all they ever do is look down on me for the way I dress or act? They hate me for my dark close, my personality, and the sharpie on my arms, the make-up that I wear and even the things they do not know about. They hate me for it all. Nami gets up and leaves the girl standing alone by the chair looking as if she has just lost a puppy. Yes, you lost a victim. But why should I stay and be your victim when everyone else has already claimed me?
Nami is paying more attention to the victimizer she has escaped then where she is going. Nami bumps into some one. Oh, great now I have to talk to someone who is going to hate me? Nami takes in a breath, “Sorry.” The girl smiles at Nami. Smiles? “It’s no problem. What’s your name?” Great, now she asked my name. What am I going to do? I do not want to talk to her. Nami hesitates and glances around. “Nami.” The girl smiles and pauses as if waiting for Nami to ask her name. “Well, Nami, my name is Kristi.” She probably thinks I want to be her friend. Great. Nami looks off to where her mother is, then back to Kristi. “Well. I was heading home. Goodbye.” Kristi’s facial expression went from one of the most exciting days of her life to as if her every hope and dream had been crushed. How wonderful, this is one of the main reasons I do not talk to people. I make them sad. “I am sorry. Did I do something wrong?” Nami waits patiently for Kristi to look up from the ground where her eyes had diverted. “Kristi…” She looks up with a tear in her eye, “I am sorry. I will just go.” Kristi starts to walk off but Nami grabbed her arm. “No, I know some thing is wrong. Please, is it me?” Pain struck Nami. How much more selfish could that have sounded? Maybe I should apolo- Nami’s thought it interrupted by Kristi’s words, “No. I just…” Kristi’s head drops and her gaze shifts to the ground. “I don’t have any friends here.” Some one else who doesn’t have any friends. How could this be? She must have just moved here. “How long have you lived here?” Kristi’s eyes held more tears, “Almost two years.” Two year. That is too long to not have any friends. Not if you want them anyways. “I am sorry. I would be your friend, but I will not be so much fun.” Kristi’s face lit up a bit, “I would like a friend. Even if they are not that much fun; it is better then none. Besides, who are you to decide I will think you are no fun?” What? She thinks I am going to be fun? Ha, this is going to be interesting. “You’ll see.” Kristi’s face lights up even more, “No, you will see Nami.” I will see? I do not even like talking to people. They always hurt you. I guess I will just give being her friend a shot. Nami sighs as the cold air presses through her skin as if telling her that loneliness is what this world is all about.
~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~
“Namidaame!” her mother’s voice was piercing her ears even through her door. What does she want now? Nami lets out a sigh and calls back, “What mom?!” Nami hears her doorknob handle twist. Gosh, she makes me go to a party last night and wake up before lunch time? What kind of mom is she? Her mother pushes through the door. “Namidaame, Kristi called. She wants you to go with her for three days to that new amusement park. Her family offered to pay for you.” Someone else, would pay for… me? “I guess so.” Nami’s expression is one of puzzlement. Her mother smiled too politely and walked out the door. Nami heard her mother get back on the phone. I guess I should start packing some things if I am going to escape this prison for a few days. Nami grabs a backpack and begins to start packing.
Nami feels a tear on her cheek. No, this friendship is going to end like every other. She will find my secrets and tell everyone. Then she will fit in and I will become even more of an out cast. Nami tries pushing the thoughts away before she starts crying. No, maybe this will be different. Maybe she will care about me. Nami grabbed up her backpack and headed to the door. Kristi will be here in as little as five minutes and she has a surprise. I wonder what it is. What if it is something bad? Nami tries pushing the thought away only to be interrupted by the door bell ringing. Nami jumps. I know I was expecting her to be here, but I guess it did not sink in. No one ever sticks with me for long. How long will she last? Nami closes her eyes tightly and heads to the door. With her hand squeezed on the door knob, she opens her eyes and opens it softy. Kristi stands there with a huge smile on her face and a boy next to her. Great, her surprise is another person. Kristi speaks softly as if with real sincere care, “Hi Nami! This is Zac. I met him yesterday. He doesn’t have any friends either.” Zac stands there quietly, he barely moves and his face has gone pale. Obviously this Zac kid is shy. Well, at least I do not have to worry about him blabbing all of my secrets. Not that I am going to trust either of them yet. “Uh, hi Zac. I’m Nami.” Nami feels stupid the way she has responded, but she could not think of anything to say. “Well,” says Kristi smiling faintly as if knowing no one has anything to say, “we should be going.”
The car ride is boring, like everything else in life according to Nami. No one talks, they all just sit there. When is this car ride going to be over? Where are we staying? Are they going to hate me and only hang out with each other? Nami glances at Kristi and Zac sitting next to her. Yes, they are going to hate me. Still no one talked; the logic of thoughts made was not really logic at all. Kristi and Zac were just as depressed as Nami was but no one felt like confessing how they felt. Nami did not want to be the first person to confess such a thing; let alone talk. This ride is more boring then the ones with my family. At least no one is getting in trouble or arguing here. Nami’s thought process was interrupted by Kristi’s mother talking to her husband. Kristi’s eyes glanced forward as did Zac’s. No one really wants to sit here in the quiet car. The parents obviously notice the kids are too shy – too depressed even, maybe – so they decided to let the kids work it out on their own time.
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The car pulls into a hotel. A small hotel, cozy but almost abandoned looking. Kristi’s face twitches as if wanting to smile. Her parents get out and head to the front with her little brother running ahead. A sign stand against the building but the name is too worn down to read. Nami just gets out and stands there taking in the scene. Zac and Kristi get out as well. They too stand there taking in the scene. I guess none of us want to talk because we are all afraid of getting hurt. Or maybe they want me to talk first so I think it was my idea to tell them all my life’s secrets. Well they are going to have to talk first. Zac’s thoughts run a long the same thought process as Nami’s only a little more trusting. Kristi’s thoughts are still trying to figure out how to talk, she is tired of feeling how she assumes Nami and Zac feel and wants to be happy. Finally Zac squeaks out a few words. “We should go in.” Nami is surprised by the authority in his voice; especially for the way he had squeaked out his words. Kristi nodded, “Yes.” Well there goes my get-Nami-to-talk-first-so-she-thinks-it’s-her-idea assumption. Zac starts hesitantly walking toward the front of the hotel where they had seen Kristi’s parents go in. Kristi and Nami follow shortly after.
Zac had already been in the main part of the hotel five minutes before Kristi and Nami made it there. They walk through the door only to see a frown on Zac’s face. Oh no, what happened? Kristi speaks Nami’s thoughts before Nami has a chance. “Zac, what is wrong?” Kristi looks over to her parents and so does Nami; they too are frowning. Zac lets out a soft sigh of disappointment and looks to Kristi’s parents. Her father speaks to them as his son wonders around the small lobby. “The amusement park we were going to go to is, well, closed because of some issues.” Before the kids faces drop to much Kristi’s mother interrupts. “There are still fun things to do. Like museums for example. There is a graffiti museum not far from here.” They all stared blankly at her. That sounds interesting, but my opinions are far too different then theirs. None of us will like the same pieces. This can not be fun. Zac, obviously tired of being quiet, speaks up. “That would be good. Are we going tomorrow?” Kristi’s mom smiles at the fact that she pleased one of the three teens enough to talk. “Yes, tomorrow. You three and Jon are sharing a room.” That must be the name of Kristi’s little brother. Kristi’s father handed her a key with a number hanging on it. Room three. I wonder how many room there even are? Kristi glances at Nami and Zac as if saying for them to follow her; they do because she walks out with the key. Jon begs his parents to let him stay with them until it is bed time and his parents agree. Kristi, Nami and Zac are out the door before any further discussion can be made.
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It is eleven at night. They had just arrived at the hotel two hours ago and are already in bed. Jon slept on a cot, Zac on the pull out couch with Kristi and Nami in the beds. Only Nami did not sleep, and honestly, she was not sure that Zac or Kristi are asleep either. I am so nervous. Tomorrow we have to go to that museum. What happens when we all have different opinions and mine are hated? Maybe I am just worrying about this all too much. But no, I am so tired of everything in life going so wrong! I can not trust them, they will hurt me. I know they will. Nami falls asleep with tears coming from her eyes; she knows they are going to stain her face for the morning. All of them are asleep now; nervous and scared, afraid of what tomorrow may bring them.
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The sun pours through the window. Where am I? This does not feel like my bed. Nami sits up and looks around the sunlit room. The room was a beige color with purple and black details on them. It looked almost like a pathetic attempt at a gothic-style room. It did not fail miserable, but their goal did not look accomplished either. Nami looked over to where Kristi was on the other bed; purple and black sheets swirled around Kristi. Her short blonde hair was sprawled about on the bed, her eyes closed shut tightly and a relaxed expression on her face. Nami looked to the cot Jon lay on. His short blonde hair was not even messed up the slightest. His blue blanket –which looked more like a rag – covered him snugly. Nami let out a sigh before turning to look at Zac. He’s awake! Oh no, I must have looked like an idiot. A smirk crossed Zac’s face, his green eyes sparkled. His light brown floppy hair swayed as he moved his head. “I’ve been up for an hour.” Nami just stared shocked. “Oh.” Oh great, that sounded stupid. Kristi sat up in bed and looked at the other two. “Why are you up?” Nami and Zac’s faces contorted as if to say they were supposed to be up and Kristi must be out of it. “Oh, it’s morning already?” Again Nami and Zac looked at Kristi with their crooked faces, this time because the sun was obviously lighting up the room. “Oh alright, I’m not a morning person.” Nami and ac still stared at Kristi, this time maybe more out of amusement. All of them laughed. Wait, we are getting along. Did I miss something? We are laughing together. This must be a distraction. They are going to get me to trust them. Then they are going to hurt me! Nami starts crying but she has not realized yet what is going on. Everything is a blur, and finally her emotions have gotten the better of her.
This is not right. I am so scared. I am going to be hurt. They are not going to love me. Everything in the room seems to be spinning around Nami. She feels like everything is spinning around her. She can see faces and they are not moving – a bit blurry – but only the furniture and room is spinning. Nami can feel her throat as she hears herself crying out. Is this finally the end of me? Am I good and done? Dying? Going to one of those mental hospitals? Finally the spinning stops and Nami’s loud cries are replaced with soft whimpers because she is too weak to go on like that. Soft voices filter through her ears; unfamiliar, but at the same time very familiar. “Nami, are you okay?” That is Kristi. “Nami! Look at me! What’s wrong?” That sounds like Zac. Nami tries opening her eyes, the tears are still burning. “What happened?” Nami hears Zac stifle a whimper, “We were laughing and then you started crying. And you fell down.” Nami looks around the room, nothing is spinning any more. Kristi and Zac have tears in their eyes. Some one actually cares about me. Some one cares what happens to me. They actually love me.