Friends

[Talia]

I've never been one of those people that has lots of friends. Usually I only have one, maybe two friends that I spend most of my time with or share stuff with. In the end, though, I feel like I don't even have those people as friends because they stop talking to me. When I try to reconnect with them it just doesn't work. It's like they've moved on and left me in the dust because I've stopped being useful somehow. They seem happy whenever I see them hanging out with other friends, and it just makes me feel so depressed. This has happened twice now. Both times had different causes (neither of them from fights), but it still ends up the same. These people who I thought could possibly be called "best friends," who I felt so close with and could share anything with, they just drift away and leave me with aching memories. And I'm worried now that it's going to happen again with another friend. Even though she seems different, I can't shake the feeling that in a year or two, maybe even less, she's going to be gone just like the others.

The one friend I have right now has a boyfriend, and I know she tries really hard to balance her time between him and the rest of us. I'm happy for her, but at the same time I'm sad when she goes to spend time with him, because it means I have to basically be alone when she is.

Tomorrow me and some friends were supposed to go to the beach. One of them couldn't get her parents to let her go, so everyone else decided they didn't want to go because she wasn't going. It makes me feel invisible and ignored. Would it be so horrible to go with me?

I go back to school next week, and I'm dreading it even more than last time because of this. It's my last year of highschool, and I want it to be a little bit enjoyable, but I don't know how I can do that when I feel so abandoned...

I don't really know what I'm asking for here. Advice? Encouragement? Words of wisdom? Any of the above... I feel like I need to get this out, and maybe someone who cares just a tiny bit can make me feel better.

[Hyper]

The thing is.. Things don't always work out perfectly and I am also a firm believer that the chances of something going wrong are dramatically increased whene ever you start worrying..

If you just be who you are and go around enough places.. Eventually you'll find some people who like you for who you are and will hang out with you whenever they can, heck even I have 1 friend in this life..

Things like this just take time, finding the people.. Getting comfortable with them, trusting them and seeing that they really care.

And yes if you go around you will most likely meet people who aren't your friends but rather acquintances.. Or people who some day decide that your not interesting... But there also acquintances who will stay for life, just not as friends.

What can I say uhhh it just takes awhile... But definitely just be yourself, most mature and normal people tend to not do anything with people who act like their something else.

Ehh and from my point of view, being alone isn't that horrible. I preferably spend 70% of my time alone, but thats me just saying it doesn't kill.

[byee]

Hmmm......I'm a bit concerned by your self description as 'aching', 'invisible', 'ignored', 'abandoned'. Those are very extreme emotions to feel in response to adolescence.

People have different needs in relationships, but typically they fall within some broad parameters of 'fun'. What you seem to be looking for is much more emotional. So, your needs and expectations might be out of synch with what others your age typically look for. They're looking for fun, you're looking for emotional gratification. Does that sound about right?

If it does, you might want to understand why that is so, why your emotional needs are so powerful for you right now, and maybe address that seperately. That way, you can handle wherever that comes from, and still enjoy the 'fun' relationships that are out there now.

[eikookmi]

You aren't going to lose your one friend as long as you keep talking to them consistently. Her boyfriend is a friend to her too and as long as she's trying to balance it out, then she's showing she cares about you.

The beach. Don't put yourself down assuming it's all about you. Maybe they had other reasons?

And abandoned at school? I'll be more lonely than you. You still have a friend, regardless if she is with her boyfriend or not. So cheer up or make a new acquaintance.

[Talia]

I think I act like myself all the time; I don't really see how I couldn't be myself. I spend most of my time alone too (at least 60% of this vacation I haven't even been out of my house), I guess that's why I tend to cling to people when I have them. I try to psychoanalyze myself sometimes, to figure out what's wrong with me or why I seem to act differently than everyone else around me. But it's not like things I come up with could be the reasons cause it's just me picking at myself, I don't really have anything to base my conclusions on.

You might be right about the emotional gratification. I thought I liked to have fun with my friends, but I guess I want an attachment first.

I don't know how to go about meeting any new people, though. I feel like that's not going to happen until college when my classes would have more different people..