Self Confidence

[Blue63]

Well, after a small talk with a good friend, and a little deep thinking, I've realized, my self confidence is shot. I mean I have none. I don't know if I ever had a lot, but know it just is encompassing everything. I believe this is the root of my social anxiety (thanks to all those helping me with that here). I put myself down and I don't even know it, I take little jokes way to seriously which causes me to get pissed off easier, all around a bad combo. I try and think of something I'm good at, something I can do well...nothing. I get a dark feeling in my stomach and think of all the other people around me that are so much better. My friends all have their skills, Baseball, Football, Theater, Audio/visual, so improve myself right? I tried, the past year and a half I've been doing some graphic design, trying to do some art. People around me are constantly trumping me, I make something and think to myself, this looks good. I get a critique from a good online friend who does art well, my eyes are opened to the flaws, and as hard as I try, I don't improve. I mean, I like this girl, and I want to give myself a shot with her, but I know shy, depressing me isn't going to put up much of a fight. Is it an online life? I wonder that the the forum life of the teenager screws up their social life? I mean none of my friends are active on any sort of forums, they don't have any online friends. I do, I don't spend all my time on facebook casually chatting away, I'm posting in a thread, or reading a front page news story. I just have no idea anymore. I want to be...good, I don't know, I need some confidence, am I just a chicken shit who needs some grueling trial to get my fears in place? Is it a mental thing?

Any good coping strategies, how do you boost your self esteem, what do you suggest I do, I just kind of feel lost. I'm not sure, if you need any other information just ask, thanks for reading, if this needs to be moved, my apologies, please move it.

[Triceratops]

Emotions like this are commonly confused with typical teenage hormones. You sound insecure, depressed and behold little self worth which is what many adolescents experience day to day. You're only 14, this is more than likely to be hormonal than a mental disorder. Although you said you have social anxiety, and it could be closely linked to that. Maybe you could find out further details from your psychiatrist?

What you need is a boost for your self esteem, which can be difficult depending on the person. You need to refrain from comparing yourself to others and compare yourself to yourself ONLY, and not set your aspirations and goals to a level which is highly unattainable. You could try doing a new activity or a hobbie to make you feel better, you could work on something you have good experience/knowledge and improve some of your talents as such. Having good friends and family in your life will always make a person feel better about themselves. If you know you have someone who cares about you and supports you then that will give anyone a good sense of security and less of a chance of experiencing a low self esteem.

If you're concerned about having more of a social life than a forum life then it will take some self control more than anything to prevent yourself from spending more time on the internet than in the real world.

Also, people are always going to criticise on just about anything, some more than others. Even if we produce a masterpiece, there will always be some kind of criticism passed on, that's just people for you :P and you know what they say, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. So don't give up yet. Everyone has skills and talents, it's just all a matter of finding them and using them well.

[Blue63]

Emotions like this are commonly confused with typical teenage hormones. You sound insecure, depressed and behold little self worth which is what many adolescents experience day to day. You're only 14, this is more than likely to be hormonal than a mental disorder. Although you said you have social anxiety, and it could be closely linked to that. Maybe you could find out further details from your psychiatrist?


I do have social anxiety, and have avoided talking to a psychiatrist as much as possible. My mom has offered to take me to one multiple times, I guess she's noticed this stuff to, but I have always put off going. Perhaps now it's time to suck it up and get checked out. Find out some professional coping strategies or anything to help, thank you!


What you need is a boost for your self esteem, which can be difficult depending on the person. You need to refrain from comparing yourself to others and compare yourself to yourself ONLY, and not set your aspirations and goals to a level which is highly unattainable. You could try doing a new activity or a hobbie to make you feel better, you could work on something you have good experience/knowledge and improve some of your talents as such. Having good friends and family in your life will always make a person feel better about themselves. If you know you have someone who cares about you and supports you then that will give anyone a good sense of security and less of a chance of experiencing a low self esteem.


Yes it's very difficult for me to boost my self esteem, everytime I try and boost it, I always have that inner voice putting myself back down. I didn't really think about it, but now that you mention it I CONSTANTLY compare myself to others, in every form. I just think there are people out there good at everything, smart, athletic, talented. Some people have it all, and what good am I if I'm not all those things. That's what runs through my mind, I'll try and just stop comparing myself to others, hopefully I can do it. I'll try and improve myself in areas where I already have some amount of skill, or I may just try new things and hope to find some natural talent. Thank you, now that they are both on the table hopefully I can find something to be proud of.

I have people that care about me, and I know that, it's just that inner voice in my head that I can't stop. Last year I was in a play, and had a pretty decent sized part. I worked hard to do a good job, on opening night I thought I did good. After the show, my mom came up to me and told me I did a great job, the best shes ever seen me. There comes that inner voice She's just telling you that, you did awful, you'll never be a good actor. She's not going to tell you you did a bad job, she's your mother. I had some good friends in the audience, they replied "You were so good, great job!" My inner voice comes, "They're your friends, they're not going to tell you sucked. They're just babying you, you sucked and you know it." The director proceeds to tell me I did good, The show's over, she's not going to criticize you when the shows over. She knows you sucked, you're not going to get cast in another show again, not when you act like that!. I just can't stop myself from putting myself down, I don't know what to do, it's like second nature, and I believe it to.


Also, people are always going to criticise on just about anything, some more than others. Even if we produce a masterpiece, there will always be some kind of criticism passed on, that's just people for you :P and you know what they say, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. So don't give up yet. Everyone has skills and talents, it's just all a matter of finding them and using them well.

I like criticism, it shows my flaws and what I can do to improve them. It's just the constant criticism, without a single compliment that drives me crazy. Everytime I try and fix something, more flaws come out of it. I guess that's when practice makes perfect, thank you, I'll focus more on MY practice than on other peoples success.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are a huge help!:yes:

[Hyper]

Fact; you can't be genuinelly good at anything if you try to be like other people

Changing something like this takes time and hard work with yourself and preferably included professional help.

Having experienced the same thing I'd say its 99% a mental thing.. When you constantly repeat something to yourself in your head, you start believing it..

And negative thoughts get to us more than positive.

And if you keep repeating to yourself that you are so much worse than everybody else at everything you eventually stop trying and eventually your not just believing you think its fact and reality, while its just a very nasty illusion.

Everyone has something somebody else doesn't, just need to find it.

[Blue63]

Fact; you can't be genuinelly good at anything if you try to be like other people

Changing something like this takes time and hard work with yourself and preferably included professional help.

Having experienced the same thing I'd say its 99% a mental thing.. When you constantly repeat something to yourself in your head, you start believing it..

And negative thoughts get to us more than positive.

And if you keep repeating to yourself that you are so much worse than everybody else at everything you eventually stop trying and eventually your not just believing you think its fact and reality, while its just a very nasty illusion.

Everyone has something somebody else doesn't, just need to find it.


Thank you for the insight and support, certainly very helpful! Much appreciated! I'll focus, and try and do what I can, probably start seeing a psychiatrist

[byee]

I agree with Marcie 'the one with the face like a painting who's also incredibly smart'. Let me add my $1.02 to the mix here.

I think just about everyone has 'low self esteem', it's an overused, overwrought term that's really meaningless, frankly. Most people in adolescence are far more focused on their differences, the ones they determine are negative, than the positives. Some say it's human nature to look at the bad and minimize or ignore the positives, some say it's a product of our modesty, others a self protective/survival instinct, to be on guard. But whatever you call it, it's really normal, to an extent. Everyone struggles with it. You need to come up with a way to overcome it.

I think the cure here might be to not think and dwell so much on it, and as the Nike add encourages, "Just do it". Put yourself in situations that are new and somewhat demanding and just go with the flow, push yourself to 'do it'. Sometimes, you have to take some calculated risks and also turn the internal dialogue off, nothing works like a reality check. See what happens when you stop ruminating and start doing.

[kyle95]

you know mate, the best part of achieving anything is the journey. the fact that u identify there's a problem, puts u well ahead of most people; take 4 example those people who r not satisfied with ur results - they can't c that ur experience whilst working on a project, occupied u in a constructive way, u grew from such an experience. confidence mate is the ability 2 c the usefulness of any exercise regardless of outcome - i'd leave criticism 2 the historians. u my friend, should just enjoy life by living in the moment

[Blue63]

I agree with Marcie 'the one with the face like a painting who's also incredibly smart'. Let me add my $1.02 to the mix here.

I think just about everyone has 'low self esteem', it's an overused, overwrought term that's really meaningless, frankly. Most people in adolescence are far more focused on their differences, the ones they determine are negative, than the positives. Some say it's human nature to look at the bad and minimize or ignore the positives, some say it's a product of our modesty, others a self protective/survival instinct, to be on guard. But whatever you call it, it's really normal, to an extent. Everyone struggles with it. You need to come up with a way to overcome it.

I think the cure here might be to not think and dwell so much on it, and as the Nike add encourages, "Just do it". Put yourself in situations that are new and somewhat demanding and just go with the flow, push yourself to 'do it'. Sometimes, you have to take some calculated risks and also turn the internal dialogue off, nothing works like a reality check. See what happens when you stop ruminating and start doing.

My good friend, who knows how much I am like this, generally tries to throw me into new situations, I naturally pull back. But now that I know going with the flow and just to do things might help me, perhaps I may "Just do it" :yes:

A reality check is something I often need, but rarely give myself, perhaps just snapping myself out of with one more often will really help me.

you know mate, the best part of achieving anything is the journey. the fact that u identify there's a problem, puts u well ahead of most people; take 4 example those people who r not satisfied with ur results - they can't c that ur experience whilst working on a project, occupied u in a constructive way, u grew from such an experience. confidence mate is the ability 2 c the usefulness of any exercise regardless of outcome - i'd leave criticism 2 the historians. u my friend, should just enjoy life by living in the moment

Thank you for the help, I really do need to stop psyching myself out and just live for me once in a while.

[Moneyjr]

hmm well i have a biochemical disorder that triggers emotional imbalances so i get insecure.. or depressed..or assuming.. angry.. but i don't think its the same with you.. i was put in an environment where people talked down to me. or rudeness.. and because growing up i could not deal with it efficiently i would go in a state of being self defensive ..
and over years its just gotten worse.. i would say its always going to be 50% 50% with everything 50% your fault your like this ... 50% everyone else who's helped to put you in this state. the trick is how to make it 100% your in self in controll to where you leave out the 50% of the people allowing you to feel this way ..

very hard to do... but with your comment its seems like your putting your self in this environment.

fyi. self confidence is a state of depression.

so you half to give more details Q: are people talking down to you?
Q: are you assuming?
Q: do you create excuses?


anyways a good soltuion for now is ..talking to someone.. therapy.. or masturbation.
(talking:) helps you feel more better about your self
(therapy:) give you insight about yourself to where you can fix error
(masturbation:) relaxes you in a state where you can think .. gets rid of stress
help you feel good.

reply. thanks.

[overcome.]

After reading that you suffer with social anxiety, I'd like to offer you any support I could. So if there's anything you'd like to discuss regarding that (or anything), then let's chat on here or via PM. Since I've had experience with severe anxiety problems, then I can relate for sure, 100%. I hope you're getting on okay.