I'm so stressed, I think im about to throw 39 days of being cut free away.

[1_21Guns]

Alot happened this weekend, just yesterday, not long after i had a heart to heart with a friend and admited something to her that had been beating me up for years, i found out another friend of mine was really ill, with skitzophrenia and multiple personality dissorder, she forgot 5 months of her life and I went into shock and broke down. I wanted to cut there and then but I knew i had to stay strong. Today the same friend i had a heart to heart with was having problems with a girl she met through a forum, and i got the earache from my friend and the girl. Usually I can deal with things like this, but ive been really weak these past few weeks and I think im going to throw 39 days away and have to start all over. I know in my heart I dont want this but my heads seeing it as the only way out. I just want to be free again. Everything just seems like its falling down infront of me, and I cant be happy no matter how much I want to be. Whenever I have a good day, something always manages to take it away. When I went away on holiday for two weeks, instead of spending that time getting my head straight I spent it argueing with myself about getting help. I just dont know what to do anymore, I just dont know.

I'm sorry. early wednesday morning, i gave up. and it wasnt good. i feel awful, but its made me more determind to stop. I wont do it again, I cant do it again.

[Hyper]

Well as far as I can see, You realize that even if you cut and even if right now it seems like a ''way out'' it really isn't..

If you cut later on you'll be angry/depressed with yourself for throwing away that 39 days and most likely other things will get to you even more than usual for awhile and that will most likely lead to more cutting.. Untill you manage to pull another 39 days and the same temptation creeps up.

It may be hard but in the long run if you don't cut now ( which sounds easy ) you'll be stronger the next time you are tempted to seek the temporary easy, but double edged way out.

[chelsay13]

I did it after 4 monthes of being clean. I feel SOO bad now, since everyone is always saying they're proud of me. Trust me, you'll feel bad if you throw that away now.