What's Wrong With Me?

[Flutterfly]

There are bad things in my life, things that push me to cutting... but there are good things... how come even in the midst of good things, I feel the need to SI? That's all I want to do right now and I don't know why... =[ Is there something I'm not realizing that I need to deal with? I want to SI so bad... but something in me doesn't want to... what's wrong with me? Why can't I stop?
And why is SI even a bad thing? Why should it matter to anyone else if I do SI?

[byee]

Well, SI isn't exactly a rational response to life's stress, so it's sometimes hard to really figure out why someone does it. It's just 'one of those things', a learned response to stress that's not good, but somehow gets confused as good. Or maybe it's just such an extreme thing that it distracts from what's really going on. Maybe someone who SI's can better answer that from a personal perspective, though.

Regardless of why you do it or where it comes from, it's not a good thing, it can maim you or worse, which is why people tend to interfere with SI. To an outsider, SI is seen as self destructive, so they want to help you stop. There are other ways of dealing with those feelings that result in them going away, without causing any other problems (like SI can). If you cannot control those urges, then you should tell someone and let them get you to someone who can really help you deal with *whatever* without resorting to SI.

In the meantime, it's important to distinguish between urges and actions. Having the urge, although difficult to tolerate, is a lot different than actually acting on it by cutting. Having the urge doesn't 'harm' you, it's when you cut, that's the problem. So, if you break down the two elements of SI, the urge and then the action, it might be easier to manage and control. Work on the first part, being able to tolerate just the urge without acting on it, just that part. Feeling that urge is going to be there for a while, until you figure out what's causing it. So, by preparing yourself for having it, it will then free you up to control it better. The first goal, right now, isn't to make the urge go away (that takes more time), but to recognize, acknowledge and accept the urge, and not act on it, just sit with it (or do something constructive to distract yourself) until it passes.

[Flutterfly]

It makes me feel so bi-polar... I don't want the urge because I'm not good at getting through it... I don't know if I can get out with out SI this time... I found my razor again... and all I can think about now is using it on my wrist...

[byee]

Eli', get rid of the razors.

Find a distraction, either with someone, or by yourself. The urge will pass. You don't have to act on it, you can resist it successfully if you don't have the temptation there (the razors), and you find something constructive to distract yourself with.

[Becky]

We are all strong people some just show it more than others I don't really know you but I do believe you could get through this and escape from the addiction before your in too deep. Think about it do you want to be the girl who just gave up and gave in or do you want to be the girl who was strong enough to ask for help and beat your craving knowing tomorrow that you were able to overcome your cravings?
Its your choice x