abusive brother

[Dragonite]

like the title says my older brother, Armon (17) is abusive. he is always hurting me and putting me down and im sick of it! today while my mom was at work she called him and told him to go get the mail and there was a letter from my principal and when he got back the first thing he said to me was:

Him: hey, retard there is a letter from your principal what did you do this time?

me: uhh i dont know

him: "uhh i don't know?" you know how stupid you sound?

me: be quiet! you're just like dad i'm going to feel so sorry for your family i bet you're going to walk out on them just like he did to us.

him:shut the *beep* up

me: NO! im sick of how you always put me down and beat me up you only do it so- (then he punched me and gave me a black eye, and threw me against the wall)

and when my mom got home she asked what had happend to my eye i had to lie because i was afraid my brother was going to hurt me even more. is there any way to get him to stop? i've tried everything, i feel trapped. He probably dosen't think of me as a brother im probably like a ounching back to him! pleases help!

[Oblivion]

Well honestly verbal abuse isn't uncommon between siblings. It's unpleasant, but not uncommon.
If you'd like to fix it, try talking to your mom.

About the physical abuse, also talk to your mom. And avoid situations like that; instead of getting angry at him, you could have said "Nothing" and if he still tormented you, just walked away, or called your mom.

[byee]

First, abuse IS uncommon b'twn anyone, even brothers. Sibs might disagree, but it shouldn't rise to the level of 'abuse' (intentional infliction of pain). When it does, it's abnormal and unhealthy (for both) and should be addressed by the parents. That's a good idea here, you might plan on talking calmly about the situation with her.

There are a lot of issues that might be related to the dynamic btw'n you and your brother, which might need to be addressed. First might be the absence of your dad, and your bro stepping into that authority role. At 16, he's not equipped to do that, so it causes problems. But the problems, although real, are really symptoms of the larger issue, the loss of your dad.

Until you and mom (and maybe a therapist if she cannot prevail here) it's really unwise to provoke him. Although his response is unjustified, your provoaction is, too, esp. if he's playing a role to fill that loss of your dad.

[Antares]

Well it is normal for siblings to fight. Both physically and verbally but he is taking it a bit too far. I don't know how old you are but I say fight back if you think you can take him. You need to protect yourself, but if you can't then stand down.

It also seems you tried to trigger him to do something. That is not the way to go. I know you guys were fighting and you wanted to try to win and getting him in a place that is personal creates the illusion that you will win the argument but all that does is make him angry and it seems the only way he knows how to take it out on you is to hurt you. You need to stop triggering his anger.
He obviously is dealing with somethings and there are some things that make him tick. You have your own too.
He needs to learn how to deal with his anger and you need to learn how to not provoke it and be civil.
You also need to start telling the truth. Your mom really needs to know what is going on. What if you ended up in the hospital and she has no idea what happened and he lied? Then she would believe him and the cycle would go on and on. I don't think he will physically abuse you if you tell your mom but you seriously need to tell her. Tell her that you are scared. That should get her to intervene.
I think that you need to tell your mom and try to get her to talk to him.
Maybe counseling is something you all need.

I hope this issue can be resolved. Best of luck :D

[Dragonite]

Well it is normal for siblings to fight. Both physically and verbally but he is taking it a bit too far. I don't know how old you are but I say fight back if you think you can take him. You need to protect yourself, but if you can't then stand down.

It also seems you tried to trigger him to do something. That is not the way to go. I know you guys were fighting and you wanted to try to win and getting him in a place that is personal creates the illusion that you will win the argument but all that does is make him angry and it seems the only way he knows how to take it out on you is to hurt you. You need to stop triggering his anger.
He obviously is dealing with somethings and there are some things that make him tick. You have your own too.
He needs to learn how to deal with his anger and you need to learn how to not provoke it and be civil.
You also need to start telling the truth. Your mom really needs to know what is going on. What if you ended up in the hospital and she has no idea what happened and he lied? Then she would believe him and the cycle would go on and on. I don't think he will physically abuse you if you tell your mom but you seriously need to tell her. Tell her that you are scared. That should get her to intervene.
I think that you need to tell your mom and try to get her to talk to him.
Maybe counseling is something you all need.

I hope this issue can be resolved. Best of luck :D

i'm 14. Most of the time i don't do anything to trigger his anger, this morning i woke up late and my mom had already gone to work (when my mom is home he dosen't bother me at all) and it was like 11:00 and he just pushed me out of my bed . And i didn't tell my mom because i was afraid he was going to beat me up some more or she was going to kick him out, and even though he dose hurt me alot I still love him it might sound wierd but I do. I would get my mom to talk to him but she would probably start screaming at him. and i can't fight him in any way he alaways wins. But it seems like telling my mom is the only way out of this, so I guess I'll have to tell her and hope that she can get him to stop.

[Antares]

i'm 14. Most of the time i don't do anything to trigger his anger, this morning i woke up late and my mom had already gone to work (when my mom is home he dosen't bother me at all) and it was like 11:00 and he just pushed me out of my bed . And i didn't tell my mom because i was afraid he was going to beat me up some more or she was going to kick him out, and even though he dose hurt me alot I still love him it might sound wierd but I do. I would get my mom to talk to him but she would probably start screaming at him. and i can't fight him in any way he alaways wins. But it seems like telling my mom is the only way out of this, so I guess I'll have to tell her and hope that she can get him to stop.

yea, at 14 you can't take him :P
But what you can do is tell her.
I think it may get better if you tell her...I mean for your situation. I think that if you tell her and she gets reallly really mad, and he still abuses you after, and you tell on him again, he will get in HUGE trouble and I don't think he will do it again.

He feeds off of your reluctance to tell. He knows that you won't tell. Break that cycle and tell her.

And I understand how you love him still. This honestly reminds me of a domestic abuse situation. The woman still loves the man but she is too scared to break the cycle.

Tell your mom

[bagel]

You should definitely tell your mom; it will just continue like it is now if you do nothing. Tell us how things work out.

[bowlheadhere]

Physical and mental abuse of this extent is not acceptable. I understand that yes brothers do get in fights of this sort, but if it is as common as you suggest, you need to tell an adult. I am a strong believer that abuse is NEVER acceptable, and that you need to tell someone when it happens. If you keep letting him do so, he is going to continue to do so, and develope a habbit. By telling someone, you will help yourself, and possibly help him in breaking this unacceptable habbit.

Reguarding your father, you need to see a counciler or adult. As i said above, no one should ever resort to abuse/violence, no matter what the situation is. You need to talk to another trusted adult so you can both get help and get out of the situation. You need to keep yourself safe, and that is the number one thing.

Hope this helps.

[pontiacdriver]

like the title says my older brother, Armon (17) is abusive. he is always hurting me and putting me down and im sick of it! today while my mom was at work she called him and told him to go get the mail and there was a letter from my principal and when he got back the first thing he said to me was:

Him: hey, retard there is a letter from your principal what did you do this time?

me: uhh i dont know

him: "uhh i don't know?" you know how stupid you sound?

me: be quiet! you're just like dad i'm going to feel so sorry for your family i bet you're going to walk out on them just like he did to us.

him:shut the *beep* up

me: NO! im sick of how you always put me down and beat me up you only do it so- (then he punched me and gave me a black eye, and threw me against the wall)

and when my mom got home she asked what had happend to my eye i had to lie because i was afraid my brother was going to hurt me even more. is there any way to get him to stop? i've tried everything, i feel trapped. He probably dosen't think of me as a brother im probably like a ounching back to him! pleases help!

I have sadly seen situations like this before, and I would feel utterly defeated like you had I been in your shoes. However, you do have options in your case which you really need to explore. While roughhousing is normal among brothers there comes a point where certain lines should not be crossed. As you need no reminding your brother has long crossed the line when he throws you around like a rag doll. One thing I am wondering: is this brother a full brother, or is he a sibling from another relationship? If this brother is a full brother, then there clearly is something mentally wrong with him, and he needs to get psychological help. My fear is that when he gets older he might do the same kind of things to his partner or his own children which is why his behaviour has to be nipped in the bud now. If your brother is from another relationship, then my guess is he resents you for being part of the "new" family, and the only way he can deal with his feelings is physically attacking the one symbol of the "new" family.

Basically, as unpleasant as this will be, you have to tell your parent(s). I know you probably do not want to be stool hen, but the fact remains that your brother has dug his own grave and has to deal with the consquences of his behaviour. Giving someone a black eye or using them as a living punching bag is not normal, and you cannot go on like this indefinitely. If you don't care about yourself, then at least your brother should get help as he seriously needs to deal with his anger issues. When you talk to your parent(s)/guardian you need to make it crystal clear that what you are experiencing is not simple roughhousing and that it is something much more sinister.

My concern for you over the long run is that you will end up hating yourself and thinking that you somehow brought this violence upon yourself. Also, you yourself can suffer some real psychological damage from this kind of beating, and you have to do what is best for your future. I don't think any of us can ever understand why your brother is so vicious, but he has to control himself. Maybe he has a genuine disorder that is causing his outbursts? If that is the case, then you all need to get him help. Also, you are a person and not a number, and you need to be treated as such. Again, it is your parents responsibility to keep you safe, and no one should ever feel scared to be home.

[Dragonite]

i just told her....

[pontiacdriver]

i just told her....

I hope things worked out, and please let us know how things are going.

[mr.sexy_bomb]

I think u should tell ur mom wut really happened

[Giles]

tell ur mom ur scared of him and she "should" do something.

[punkjake]

Hmm if i want revenge mwah mwah XD but no i would
A tell my mom
B Reort this if he hurts you phyiscaly bad,such as broken arm
C Well revenge if you have to but thats my bad advice :P

[Project Delta]

Tell your mum and then if she does nothing go to school, or police. The school has an obligation to make sure that you are well. (at least they do in england) and a responsibility for your health, kind of protection. So they could be helpful

[Dragonite]

oh im sorry i never told you guys what happend he got grounded then threatend me then told me he was sorry (it's late and i dont feel like typing i'll edit this later)

[pontiacdriver]

oh im sorry i never told you guys what happend he got grounded then threatend me then told me he was sorry (it's late and i dont feel like typing i'll edit this later)

I am glad that things are working out for now. However, you have to keep on your brother and not take anything from him and not permit backsliding. Judging by your brother's personality he might try to revert to his bad habits once your Mum is distracted which is why you must nip his behaviour in the bud if he ever tries to hurt you.

As for your brother apologizing to you, I take that as a good sign, and maybe you can use such words as an opening to restart your relationship with him to make things better. It is going to take time for your brother to finally realize that what he did was wrong and to recognize that he was wrong for beating you up and not for you seeking help from your Mum. Hopefully, your brother will overcome his issues as what he did to you was pretty extreme.

[gone]

kick him square in the man berries :P and watch him drop then when he yells "why!!??" you say "you know why!" -_- lol good luck btw you should have told your mum