What to do when she's confused

[adesiree]

Ok my best girl friend's has been going out with this boy for the past two years(she is 16 now) and she told me she recently has been thinking about having sex with him (He asked her about two weeks ago) she said she really want's to and that she isn't being pressured but she scared of the concequences. The only thing I could help her with is use protection, since when I lost my virginity I was 100% sure. So do you guy's think she's ready? I don't want her to wind up hurt. I want to give her my opinion but haven't been put in this situation. :confused::confused:

[Aneklusmos]

If she feels emotionally ready for the possibilities of something going wrong with contraception, I'd say she is ready. If she couldn't deal with a baby she has to either wait or have two forms of contraception, such as condoms AND be on the pill. I think that's the safest way. It's all about the emotional consequences.

[byee]

You know, we can't answer if someone else is ready for anything, much less first time sex. But then again, neither can you. Only she can. You can share your own experiences with her, you can help her better understand her own feelings and thoughts and act as a sounding board for her process here, but in the end, she's got to make that call.

As an aside, based on your description, i'm not sure what it is exactly she's really asking you here. "Consequences" is a very broad term, and before you get into it with her, it might be best to have her more precisely define what she's after. As a rule of thumb, whenever friends present situations to eachother, it's best to really clarify what it is they're looking for, and not just assume what it is they want. That way, you can better give them what they want and not confuse the issue with your own *Stuff*.

[Dragonite]

she's 16 she shouldn't be having sex. she should wait untill she can support herself financially just incase she dose become pregnant even if she uses a condom it might break or slip off.

[dwindala]

I personally don't think anyone who isn't paying their own bills or supporting themselves should be having sex. If you have to sneak or make it a quickie just to do it, then why are you doing it? I really don't believe that "if she thinks she's ready then she's ready" stuff. We have to remember that we are teenagers, our hormones are raging way to much for us to really know that we are ready. We might really not be but our hormones can trick us into thinking we are. Also before having sex it's important to think, what happens after?

Take your case for example, you had sex, what happened after? Did you like how it felt, the changes it made or didn't make? The after is more important than we think.

[sienna.]

yeaahhh.
i think that she is ready.
she is only conserned about what may happen, all the bad things.
and i guess that is normal.
everyone gets a bit worried at one point.

if she is emotionally ready, then she is ready.
if she said she doesn't feel pressured or anything.
so i believe that she is ready.

just tell her about contraception, and make sure she uses it.

and to the people saying that you shouldn't be having sex at 16.
that is your opinion.
but i lost my virginity and 15 and i was really ready, and i know what could happen.
everyone is different...