Need MAJOR help...

[Ghost Akira]

Ok... I came on the forum because I seriously need help. I'm a Roman Catholic and we believe that homosexuality is a VERY bad sin (didn't mean to offend anyone, my apologies). Well... these past two years have been hell for me. I've masturbated a lot, which is also a bad sin, but to gay porn. I've had many desires to be gay and to "do" guys. I know it is bad, but I do it anyways. Also, my friend (a guy) has the same problem and we have done "it" a lot. Now... due to things, we aren't friends anymore. but I still have this crave for men... and I NEED IT TO STOP. Bottom line.. I don't want to be gay. I want to be straight and have a family. But, i don't know how to stop this interest in men. It has been killing me all these past two years... and I've tried to apologize to my friend (because now I feel all alone), but he won't forgive me or talk to me. Ugh... life is hard. and no offense... but I don't want to go to Hell either. I need help :( how do i stop this?

[Schon]

there really is no way to stop this, if you have no desire for women, you are gay, there is NO changing that, however it may just be a phase, i dont know how old you are, but im going to say its probably just a phase, you will get over it soon enough.

[Ghost Akira]

im 15... i have a physical attraction to guys, but a emotional attraction to women. and i do like women attractively, just not as much. I just want to get the boy attraction out of me

[Schon]

Okay then, im sure this is just a phase, it will pass with time.

[Zazu]

There is no need to stop masturbating really. No where in the bible does it say that masturbation is a sin. It neither directly says that being gay is a sin either.

It's a perfectly normal, human thing to do whilst going through puberty (both the act of masturbation and of having thoughts of a homosexual nature). There's really nothing wrong with it.

If you really do wish to stop masturbating though, you could try distracting yourself from thoughts which might prove masturbation. Also, if you can see a certain pattern as to when you normally masturbate, say you normally do it at 9pm each night, try doing something different around that time, like reading a book or watching tv.

If you did turn out to be gay, there's nothing you can do about it imho, it's just who you are. I would personally advise you not to worry about it.

[punkjake]

Okay then, im sure this is just a phase, it will pass with time.

yeah i agree,I had that same problem,when i was 10 XD but i told my mommy she said its problly just a phase and what do you know I'm back to likeing girls but some guys are hot .yeah I said it doesn't make gay or bi just a human.:yes::yeah:

[Oblivion]

Awh, sorry life has been rough.
You gotta understand though that in puberty things get very confusing. My advice would be to not label yourself whatsoever until you are out of puberty. You can't really know your sexuality until hormones have stopped raging.
Don't worry about it, many (as many as 50%) of males 'experiment' with other males their age somewhere throughout puberty. It doesn't mean you're gay.
Theoretically you should like men sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally to be gay. Not just sexually, and/or physically. That's not really what sexuality is about.

But this also doesn't mean you aren't; don't rule anything out.

Again, don't judge yourself right now. Wait a while.


On the religious side... I don't know how it works, because I'm not religious, but a) I'm guessing God would forgive you, since homosexuality isn't a choice, and urges during puberty aren't a choice either, and b) most guys masturbate, more than 90%. I doubt he'd send them all to hell.

[Raize]

I really doubt god is that strict.

But what you're going through is completely normal. Hormones are everywhere, you might be gay, you might be going through a phase. I would suggest to open your mind a little more. Religion is just about a basic guidance and such.
Homosexuality doesn't hurt anything.

[dstnyisurs]

God loves everyone, bcause no one is perfect and he accepts them dispite that. If you keep that mantra while reading the bible (because that's his foremost idea he shoves in your face) then suddenly, you see the bible in a new light where homosexuality is not a sin, and niether is masturbation.
You're feelings are your feelings. You can't change who you are truly, and you need to accept that.
If you're gay or bisexual, then that's who you are. There is nothing wrong with it.

[Blue63]

First of all, I to am Roman Catholic, so when you are talking to me you are in good company :)

Everyone here has said it before, it's probably just a phase. I have a physical attraction to guys sometimes to. In my eyes, I think you need to stop little by little. First, cut out the gay porn. All porn that is, you may start masturbating a little more once you do that. But once you stop lusting at the porn, things will simmer down.

I do believe God loves everyone, simple enough. People may make bad choices throughout their life, but I think people are born gay. So I wouldn't worry about eternal damnation right now, just try and not sin. And when you do, it's okay, just try and do better next time :)

[MichaelAdams1993]

So here is the thing. I know exactly where you are coming from because my dads side is catholic too (my parents are divorced so I have a bit of a way out). Anyways, being gay is unfortunatly not something that is decided. It is something that you are and it is a part of you. You will learn eventually to accept this. I know, not helpful but I am trying. Just remember that being you is the best thing.

When it comes to your friend. Why exactly does he not like you anymore. Did you force him to do things or did he change his mind. Because that can have a big effect on whether or not he and you can be friends again.

[mr.sexy_bomb]

dude, you CANT change your sexuality and you can have a family and be gay, and also you wont go to hell just for beeing gay, and since when is loving someone a sin?

[kitkat]

its not really a sin............... well i guess if u want it to be. BUT just hang w/t it. u can NOT change veiw of sexuality

[myskias]

i second what most people above said. but as for the family thing... yeah i feel the same way... its hard. i cant seem to keep a relationship with a girl for longer than a month. its like.. i dont know. but i really wana start liking girls as much as i like guys too (im bi btw) and i duno. just letting u knwo that i know exactly how you feel in this situation. my friend and i are in the EXACT situation as you too.... its not good. but just hang in there. im trying to as well. and if u need anything just PM me. im here to talk to anytime!~

[Antares]

Well the brutal truth is, (in my opinion) you shouldn't let some "rules" that some old dead guys set up a long time ago in an age that is completely irrelevant to the world now dictate your life and make you up happy.
You should care about you. Now I am not saying give up your religion completely because it seems you care about it a lot but you need to be happy. I say do whatever you want to do.
I don't think you will burn in hell because you made yourself happy and had sex with a man.
I guess god should love everyone and admit them to heaven as long as you believe that he died for you or...something like that. I forget the exact words.
Anyways yea, I know you are at hard time but your brain needs to make the decision. Not the Pope or Pope past.

[pontiacdriver]

Ok... I came on the forum because I seriously need help. I'm a Roman Catholic and we believe that homosexuality is a VERY bad sin (didn't mean to offend anyone, my apologies). Well... these past two years have been hell for me. I've masturbated a lot, which is also a bad sin, but to gay porn. I've had many desires to be gay and to "do" guys. I know it is bad, but I do it anyways. Also, my friend (a guy) has the same problem and we have done "it" a lot. Now... due to things, we aren't friends anymore. but I still have this crave for men... and I NEED IT TO STOP. Bottom line.. I don't want to be gay. I want to be straight and have a family. But, i don't know how to stop this interest in men. It has been killing me all these past two years... and I've tried to apologize to my friend (because now I feel all alone), but he won't forgive me or talk to me. Ugh... life is hard. and no offense... but I don't want to go to Hell either. I need help :( how do i stop this?

While the Roman Catholic Church does have some virtues the reality is that it is quite backwards when it comes to sexuality. I am quite familiar with Roman Catholic doctine and dogma, and the prohibition against masturbation is one that has been quite controversial. Keep in mind that the Roman Catholic Church is far from monolithic, and there has been some serious discussions between Rome and America about a lot of these rules with the Americans generally trying to make things less stringent. Basically, the prohibition against masturbation goes back to some obscure event in the Bible where this one guy refused to marry his brother's wife after he had died and have children with her, and he masturbated rather than impregnate her. The problem was not with masturbation but rather with the guy not willing to have sex with the woman. (There is a long story as to why he had to marry his brother's wife which I will not get into on here). In short, masturbation is a normal part of life, and what the Roman Catholic Church as well as every single other non-Satanic religion out there wants its members to use their sexuality responsibly.

As for your same sex feelings, you know, the reality is that we cannot control what we like. It is not like you are choosing to like guys, and you need to keep that in mind. I think there is some reference that Jesus makes in one of the synoptic Gospels that there are multiple reasons why a man cannot marry, but he did not go into specifics. My view is that God doesn't make mistakes, and if you like guys, then that is the way you were made by no choice of your own. Just don't be a slut and sleep around, and be responsible with whom you share your body. You might just be going through a phase, and you might actually be bi-sexual. Don't overanalyze your feelings, and if you can only get off to gay porn, then so be it. You can try to see if looking at females arouse you, but if you cannot do so, then don't worry.

In short, you are not a freak and there is nothing a matter with you. There are psychological studies out there which show how a gay man's brain is different from a straight male, and you cannot control how your brain is set up. Again, be responsible with your body, and as long as you practice positive sexuality, then don't be scared. Masturbating is an example of positive sexuality as long as you use it as a way to release your sexual tension. With all the hormones going through you masturbation is kind of needed. As long as masturbating doesn't take up all of your time and you are not putting your routines on hold to masturbate, then you are all right. One can be a perfectly fine Christian while still masturbating or even liking members of the same sex.

[bowlheadhere]

You should never try to change yourself to be accepted by others. Yes, I understand that it is a sin, but is it worth living a lie to "not sin", in which you would be sinning (if this makes sense)? Anyways, a lot of guys are attracted to other guys because they are just curious about other males in their position. But to be "gay" means that you are BOTH physically AND emotionally attracted to males.

But yea, don't try and change yourself, just be who you are going to be, and hopefully everyone will except you for who you are.

[pkid]

im 15... i have a physical attraction to guys, but a emotional attraction to women. and i do like women attractively, just not as much. I just want to get the boy attraction out of me

This is EXACTLY what I am facing! And growing up as a Christian I need to stop my fantisies about guys...I'm 15 by the way.. I seriously hope it's just a phase :confused:

[MichaelAdams1993]

...In short, you are not a freak and there is nothing a matter with you. There are psychological studies out there which show how a gay man's brain is different from a straight male, and you cannot control how your brain is set up. Again, be responsible with your body, and as long as you practice positive sexuality, then don't be scared. Masturbating is an example of positive sexuality as long as you use it as a way to release your sexual tension. With all the hormones going through you masturbation is kind of needed. As long as masturbating doesn't take up all of your time and you are not putting your routines on hold to masturbate, then you are all right. One can be a perfectly fine Christian while still masturbating or even liking members of the same sex.

I totally agree with most of that. The one thing I don't agree with is that you can be a Christian while still masturbating. If it is against your religion to do something you cannot keep doing it while being in that religion. I think you need to take some time and think about your feelings. Don't over think and end up coming up with the answer you want just b/c you want it. Listen to what your body and mind are trying to tell you and then go with that. There is nothing wrong with liking a person of the same sex. Plus, if you are religious then you know that god made us who we are and if that is the way he made you then so be it.

[clementinecup]

though i hate to say it...
and it kills me to read it
"22 Do not practice homosexuality; it is a detestable sin." -Leviticus 18
it does say that being gay is a sin.
well it says acting on it is a sin............
but yeah.

[rubidoux]

im 15... i have a physical attraction to guys, but a emotional attraction to women. and i do like women attractively, just not as much. I just want to get the boy attraction out of me

That sounds a lot more like curiosity than you actually being gay then. You're young and still have a lot of hormones and stuff to sift through, so I wouldn't freak out about it too much right now. Things like sexuality do become more clear to you at some point, so just try to relax and let it all fall into place.

[Ghost Akira]

ok... thank you guys so much. this is really helping. and yesterday, I had a sort of a "Mind conflict" with myself... and so far, 3 days without looking at porn or masturbating. I hope to keep this up... thank you guys soooooooooooo much. you really helped me out! :)

[byee]

I agree with the advice and support you're getting here, let me add my own $1.02 to the mix.

First, arousal doesn't determine sexuality. It's far more complicated than that, and many people draw the wrong conclusion about themselves based on arousal. The fact is penises are arousing, so seeing one (or wanting to see one) is really normal. And, having same sex fantasies (and experiences) are, too. 50% of all guys have a same sex experience to orgasm, yet we know they all don't grow up to be gay, so a lot of these things are really 'normal' (or typical).

The second thing, and this is really important and needs to be said, is that most people don't really understand the bible or religion. They pick and choose, or they her bits of things, and they often get the meaning wrong. Without a comprehensive understanding (of anything, really) it's far more likely to distort the meaning of things, whuch means that using it as a frame of reference isnlt going to be terribly accurate, it won't help you decide what's 'right' or 'wrong'. This is really what happens a lot when people bring God or the Bible into sexuality.

I think it's important if you're really using religion as a basis for determining your conduct to really understand and appreciate with accuracy what the Bible says about these topics. And to do so, you might need to spend some time with some member of the clergy, talk with them openly, and see what they say. You might be pleasantly surprised at how open minded their interpretation of these things really is.

[pontiacdriver]

I agree with the advice and support you're getting here, let me add my own $1.02 to the mix.

First, arousal doesn't determine sexuality. It's far more complicated than that, and many people draw the wrong conclusion about themselves based on arousal. The fact is penises are arousing, so seeing one (or wanting to see one) is really normal. And, having same sex fantasies (and experiences) are, too. 50% of all guys have a same sex experience to orgasm, yet we know they all don't grow up to be gay, so a lot of these things are really 'normal' (or typical).

The second thing, and this is really important and needs to be said, is that most people don't really understand the bible or religion. They pick and choose, or they her bits of things, and they often get the meaning wrong. Without a comprehensive understanding (of anything, really) it's far more likely to distort the meaning of things, whuch means that using it as a frame of reference isnlt going to be terribly accurate, it won't help you decide what's 'right' or 'wrong'. This is really what happens a lot when people bring God or the Bible into sexuality.

I think it's important if you're really using religion as a basis for determining your conduct to really understand and appreciate with accuracy what the Bible says about these topics. And to do so, you might need to spend some time with some member of the clergy, talk with them openly, and see what they say. You might be pleasantly surprised at how open minded their interpretation of these things really is.

I totally agree with this advice, and I definitely think you should look up a member of the clergy with your questions. Things have to be put into context, and things are not always so black and white especially when it comes to religion. Keep in mind the Bible is many different books written by different people at different times in history with different issues and concerns. I am not arguing moral relativism here, but what may have made sense a long time ago may not be as applicable nowadays. For example, the animal sacrifice called for in the Old Testament book is definitely something that is not practised now, and one cannot just pick and choose what things should be emphasized. What I mean is if the masturbation prohibition was written in the context of a larger story and the elements of the larger story are not applicable nowadays, then the masturbation issue is likewise outdated. Basically, talk to your priest or spiritual advisor as you need to talk to a theologian to get a rock solid basis for your beliefs.

Again, masturbation is not a bad thing, and my view is the Good Lord would not have given us such an ability if he did not mean for us to use it in a good way. There is just no way us guys can totally hold off from any sexual acts until marriage (by sexual acts I mean masturbating - the whole sex before marriage thing is something I don't want to touch at all here). The following website might help put some of your masturbating issues in context as it seems pretty reputable: http://boysunderattack.com/masturbation.html

[kingpinnn]

Ok... I came on the forum because I seriously need help. I'm a Roman Catholic and we believe that homosexuality is a VERY bad sin (didn't mean to offend anyone, my apologies). Well... these past two years have been hell for me. I've masturbated a lot, which is also a bad sin, but to gay porn. I've had many desires to be gay and to "do" guys. I know it is bad, but I do it anyways. Also, my friend (a guy) has the same problem and we have done "it" a lot. Now... due to things, we aren't friends anymore. but I still have this crave for men... and I NEED IT TO STOP. Bottom line.. I don't want to be gay. I want to be straight and have a family. But, i don't know how to stop this interest in men. It has been killing me all these past two years... and I've tried to apologize to my friend (because now I feel all alone), but he won't forgive me or talk to me. Ugh... life is hard. and no offense... but I don't want to go to Hell either. I need help :( how do i stop this?



sorry if i bash the bible or Christianity, but i am trying to help. remember all those rumors and reports of the priests that had sex with the alter boys? that was a priest, a priest, committing a homosexual act of intimacy, with a child, a child, just to make it bad by today's standards. if a priest can't resist his urges, then why should "god" expect you to not be gay when you naturally are.

another thing, stay with me when i say this, the bible, and the roman catholic church is wrong, misinterpreted, and the bible was written by man and not god. (sorry if i offended anyone, i probably did lol) the bible: it was written in a different time, with a retarded (i use the the term properly) understanding of what it is to be gay. they mad wild accusations, and they didn't have the technology, knowledge, and "common sense" we have today. there has been some very conclusive evidence to suggest that being gay isn't a choice, and is indeed genetic, and is dramatically effected in the way you develop in the womb.

also, the roman catholic church, is the most radical, biased, and must closed minded organizations there ever was. they are actually more prejudice, and close minded than Hitler's third Reich! if the bible said not to kill, they would kill every single person that isn't roman Catholics, because they consider anything different wrong. they think that anything different[(even Jews, (referring to the third Reich.) deserves an ETERNITY in fire, torture, and pain. i find hell worse than a concentration camp. Bottom line, the catholic church is wrong in how biased and wrong it is. who has the right to say who is right and who is wrong, let alone, determine where they end up for all eternity.

just remember "GOD" LOVES ALL HIS CREATIONS.

P.S. I'm an atheist lol

[The Harlequin]

SO glad I'm not Catholic, although I do go to a Catholic High School, so from an outsider's perspective: I really feel for you, man...

I'm my own Christian - I believe what I think God would want from me - to be as best a person as I can be. If it turns out to be wrong or against His will isn't the whole point that He'll tell us on Judgement Day?

-- The Harlequin

[YourFriend]

You are waht you are

[The Harlequin]

Agreed.........

Now let's juggle to the French national anthem!!!
(X^,

Ohhh yeahhhh,
This Harlequin knows how to have fun!

-- The Harlequin