Falling in love with someone diagnosed with schizophrenia?

[MsSarah]

I have posted on schizophrenia.com and i have received a very negative response from my post. I asked for some general advice and success stories from the more "life-experienced" members. Ive known my guy for 8 months and i was diagnosed with bipolar years ago and he was diagnosed with SZ years ago too. ironically we met in the psychiatric ward of our local hospital and we both had this really strong connection, everyone i know is telling me that its great that i finally have some one who can truly understand what im going through, we both had false beliefs and other symptoms that we could relate to and its just been amazing, anyways i posted on another site and they shot me down. saying he's trying to trick me into a relationship by using God a nd religion, and that he is going to control me and probably abuse me... that he was just being nice as an act. well man did i need to vent about that, who are you to say that every person who has schizophrenia is tricking their partners into a relationship? whos to say that every person who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia would be abusive, manipulating and controlling? like just because you may not have had a positive life experience with someone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia doesnt mean you should shoot down everyone else who has similar experiences. The person told me to go running for the hills and get away from him as soon as possible. that is so ignorant. anyways, my point is, i know that 1 mental illness in a relationship is plenty but 2? my father and stepmom both had mental illnesses and they lived happily for 4.5 years// until he died. so i know it can work. its really serious were dating, and he sometimes talks about the future and it involving me, he talks about marriage and his mom even talks to me about marrying him. he said im the easiest person to talk to that hes ever talked to. and that he thought i have a beautiful soul and i cant help but im falling for him, slowly over time though im not falling hard. i dont think he would ask me to marry him but if he did i would have to think about it. im still young. but ive lived my life im the type of person who can settle down young and have no regrets, i just know from my own life experience that i dont need to experience anything that would require me not being tied down. :what: confused? me too lol. i dont think i would say yes, but i dont thinkk i would say no either. Anyways. POSITIVE comments and advice is always welcome, words of wisdom too, just try not to be as negative as the last person was.

Sarah

[byee]

Hiya Sarah, I'm Sam, and I'm a pretty positive person, so no worries here!

First, I think there's always a real risk asking for advice online from strangers about personal, sensitive topics. You don't know who they are, you don't know what their values or experiences or frame of reference is, so the advice you open yourself up to can be hurtful and/or worthless. My advice, from yet another well intentioned stranger, since you asked? Follow your heart. But, keep your 'glasses' on.

You're right that 2 serious mental illnesses in a relationship can be a hardship, and that would increase the probability of difficulties. But, you need to be vigilant, and you and him need to have an agreement up front about how you'll handle the other's symptoms (or break downs) should that occur. More work, but not insurmountable.

Everyone comes with some *issues*, some baggage of some kind that can potentially get in the way. But, if you''re both aware of that, brutally honestly aware of that, and talk it out with eachother, it can work, with alot of extra vigilance. As you've pointed out, there's some sympatico between 2 people who have such a deep, common bond, even if that's based on serious mental illness. Who's to say that's less valuable or less 'real' or less meaningful that the things that bond others?