So angry, depressed and generally worthless.

[Holding On*]

I feel so worthless. So stupid. So down. I know I have depression. I self harm too. I have waned to committ suicide lots. I do get counselling. I need to calm down right now. It is just another normal Saturday night here though. Babysitting my two hormonal teenage brothers. Dad is at work. I have already called him about them, being... well basically their attitude to be and the backchatting, not doing as I ask/ being rude/nasty/doing things they know will piss me off. I cut already tonight. I think I will again if I can not calm down. I feel like a bitch for calling Dad. He needs to work to get money so we can eat. Yes we are that broke. But every time I call he looses time. And sometimes he has to come home for half hour to get them to leave me alone. Less money. More stress for him. I am older then them, I should be able to deal with it. Or ignore it at least. I ignore it to their face but then take it out on my skin later.

I can't stay like this forever but I know no other way.

Also not sure if this is in the correct category or not...

[byee]

Yeah, life really is a maze. Fortunately, there's a way thru it.

I think you and your dad and your bros need to have a family meeting and discuss what the rules are when you;re in charge. It needs to be made clear what those are (that you;re the boss) and that they must listen to you, that you are responsible for them, and to your father, and that if they do not respond to you, there will be repercussions from him. I'd do this BEFORE the next time you're in charge, too. Not when you're already there.

It's good you're in counselling, keep talking about your *stuff* and work on ways of communicating with your dad what it is you need from him.

[Holding On*]

Yeah, life really is a maze. Fortunately, there's a way thru it.

I think you and your dad and your bros need to have a family meeting and discuss what the rules are when you;re in charge. It needs to be made clear what those are (that you;re the boss) and that they must listen to you, that you are responsible for them, and to your father, and that if they do not respond to you, there will be repercussions from him. I'd do this BEFORE the next time you're in charge, too. Not when you're already there.

It's good you're in counselling, keep talking about your *stuff* and work on ways of communicating with your dad what it is you need from him.


We tried it loads. We have had god knows how many talks on it. Doesn't make any difference. I went and had a cold bath as we had no hot water. Normally a bath will relax someone... it does with me but a different reason... You can probably guess what I done while I was in there... yeh. But I am calm now. Even though they are still fighting, I am calm. This is why I can't stop doing it. I just turn to anger if I don't. Anger. Depression. Hurt.