im going insane

[MadManWithaBox]

sorry to make such an irrational post, but i just really need to talk to someone anyone, ive just done some cuts, going insane where am im, voices in my head, bad thoughts, i want to do it more now. sorry, just need to talk

[BuryYourFlame]

hey mate,
if you need to talk, you can PM me for my msn if you want :)

[MadManWithaBox]

thanks mate preciated il pm you in the morning as am on ps3 so no msn gonna play some games then go to sleep cheers really appreciated.

[iJack]

Play games or read to distract you.

[abc1723]

hey, im here if you want to chat, just pm me =]

[Project Delta]

We are ALL here to chat, well the majority of us

[dstnyisurs]

Right here. You can IM anytime, and if you identify that you're from here Ill answer.
Lovie, you can pretty much pick a person at random on here from the regulars and they'll be there to talk. Its sickk. =)

[Project Delta]

Yeah, you can pick anyone who posts on these forums (this section) send a message to 2-3 people and ONE will reply, at least

[Atonement]

Feel free to message any mod at any time if you need help. I know I'm a bit late. But, any mod will be as helpful as possible to you and will refer you to a psych mod if they feel necessary. We also have counselors we encourage you to talk to. I hope everything's okay and you can message me if you want.

[MadManWithaBox]

thanks so much all you guys for all your support, i messaged silkonia before, as ive had a small brekathrough. its not gonna be easy, i dont doubt il slip up at least once, im not quite all clear yet, but i think ive taken the first step.

[Project Delta]

Yeah you have Samus, Trust me you were talking raelly positively to me and you seemed reallly happy so keep it up and dream of the life where you arent ruled by the damned razor!: )

[MadManWithaBox]

yeah. and its matty, not samus. i can already hear the voices in my head telling me to cut but im going to resist!!!!!!!!!! i hope........

[Project Delta]

Yeah ya will Matty :) i know you will1 :0

[MadManWithaBox]

all i can do try:)

[Project Delta]

ANd i believe in you and am PROUD that you made the breakthrough, if that helps you feel better

[BuryYourFlame]

hey, that's awesome that you are resisting mate :) keep it up :D

[MadManWithaBox]

24 hours. resisting. not very well, i feel like crap

[dstnyisurs]

Keep it up! You may feel like crap, but it would be worse if you were cutting.
Pwease, pretty please don't.

[MadManWithaBox]

feel like doing it so bad, feel like im gonna be sick

[dstnyisurs]

Just keep up the determination... it won't do you any good at all to cut. I have faith in you, and you can resist You're strong.

[MadManWithaBox]

played some ps3, feel better. gonna go to sleep now , see how i feel in the morning . night, and thanks

[dstnyisurs]

hope you feel better lovies. :) sleep tight.

[MadManWithaBox]

morning .tired, but i feel a bit better and im working for a few hours today later which will be nice and distracting.

[Project Delta]

Good, work really HARD so your too tired to think about cutting ^_^

[MadManWithaBox]

bad day today tbh. ive lost all the skin on my thumb, and i feel disorientated ans a bit sick, and i feel worse then ever. 42 hours now about i think

[Project Delta]

Good your nearly at 2 days ^^

[MadManWithaBox]

i suppose. dont feel that good though. i didn't know quitting would be this hard.

[Project Delta]

Yeah sadly it is! :P Wait till you get to like 13 days

[MadManWithaBox]

christ, i dont know if i can last that long with out a relapse. still, all i can do is try

[Project Delta]

And all i can do is help ^^, i know you can do it!

[MadManWithaBox]

and all i can do is say how awesome you are, and how much i appreciate it, from all of you. (has now everyone who has posted here to awesome peoples list.)

[Project Delta]

No problem. ANd no need to thank me, you being happy and cut free is a good enough thanks to me

[MadManWithaBox]

il thank you for your sheer awesomeness then aaron(hope its ok i refer to you by first name)(same goes to dstnyisurs)

[Project Delta]

Yeah its fine, i prefer people to call me aaron, also well done on the 50 posts man ^^

[MadManWithaBox]

is proud. coming up to 48 hour mark now.very pleased with myself if i say so

[dstnyisurs]

YAY. :)
Keep it up!

[MadManWithaBox]

nothing last night, i expected to be pleased but i wasn't to be honest. it only strenghed the desire. still, shopping today. new ps3 game. and some long sleeved shirts

[BuryYourFlame]

xD you have kept it off for a long time, we are all proud of you mate, well done, if you need to talk, im just a PM away :P

[MadManWithaBox]

nothing today either, working all day so had no oppourtunity. too tired at the moment to even think of it. good thing i suppose

[Project Delta]

Yeah keep doing like you did today and you will be fine! :)

[dstnyisurs]

You can do it! (: I know you can. Just keep distracting yourself. You're going to want to cut, but after you stop for a while you'll stop wanting to as much, and once you pass a certain mark of not cutting (no way to know for sure when that mark is) you're just not going to want to as much, hopefully.
You can do it, I know you can. You're strong. =)
And congrats on your postage, dude!

[MadManWithaBox]

thanks . im hoping to be on 100 posts by sunday. and ive got even more motivation now, eveytime i switch on my ps3, i watch certain game trailers, which make me happy, and give me motivation to carry on(may sound sad and nerdy but doesn't give a crap what people think anymore)

[dstnyisurs]

If that's nerdy then Im pathetic. I go into a silly stuttering shock when I see Beatles Rockband previews. :)
Anything that makes ya happy is good -other then cutting of course.

[MadManWithaBox]

good to know im not the only one looking forward to beatles rockband, love the beatles, and live in liverpool, where they reside from. i love videogames so much, they have always been my best alternitive to cutting. when im finished with the army and university, i want to be a video games journalist, ign or something, or work in a shop with games, helping people pick quality games. its a dream anyway

[dstnyisurs]

Dreams often become reality. Just keep dreaming. (:
Thats an awesome alt. to cutting. Mine has always been music.
That is sick that you're from Liverpool. The Beatles are so ahhmazing.:)

[MadManWithaBox]

*has also been to beatles museam(dont know hyow you spell it) like a million times,and has memorbilla, and 2 giant beatles posters. i spend like £200 a month on games, which is in my opinion better better what most kids my age spend money on(drugs,booze etc). ive got an interview at my local army office mext wekk so im quite looking froward to that, frontlines here i come/

[dstnyisurs]

Interesting attitude on the whole military thing.
Im not quite sure, what are front lines for England?
Over heah it's Iran, Afghanistan, so on. Not sure what Englands fighting in the world of senseless distruction.

[MadManWithaBox]

iraq and afghanistam last time i checked. im really eager to get out there to do my bit for queen and country(im hugely patriotric, as england is the best country ever), and it is an attainable dream, and wiuth it i can map out a whole map of my life. 3 days now, very proud, going to get some shut eye now night people

[kt2369]

im on alot you can PM me anytime you need to

[MadManWithaBox]

thanks appreciated . almost 4 days now yay. feel fine

[dstnyisurs]

YES!
That's so awesome. *fist pump*
Keep it up<3

[Project Delta]

Well done on the four days man

[MadManWithaBox]

thanks. proud i am. didn;t think id be able to resist as long as i have/ im gonna try to make it to 1st july, and ive promised myself if i do il either get myself a DSI or an ipod touch. nice bit of motivation

[Project Delta]

Yeah

[dstnyisurs]

Uhm CHYA.
Very good motivation!
You can do it! (:

[MadManWithaBox]

thanks guys. todays an easy day cos im in london all day sighsteeing, churchill war rooms, really excited massive history buff. see you at 22.30pm!!!!!!!

[Project Delta]

mEh london is good for parkour ^^

[MadManWithaBox]

lond was crap god almighty. too busy, overcorwded, rude people, crap shops, the only good bit was the churchill war rooms. i was releived to get off the train in liverpool, best part of the day in my opinion. nearly 5 days now

[Project Delta]

Yep sounds like london. Did ya get on the eye?

[MadManWithaBox]

no i wanted to but the quque was like literally a mile long. london is so full of americans i could hardly breathe. like in the churchill musem it was me, my mate, and the rest either americans or the staff working there. and they seemed a bit suprised when they heard that britain had fought the second world war pratically single handedly for two years. i heard them say gee didn't we go to war with the japs in 1940? i was laughing my head off so funny.

[Project Delta]

Yeah, so how are you today?

[MadManWithaBox]

im ok, this morning at least. i had a bad thing very early this morning, at like 3am, when i was preparing to use the kitchen knife for my cutting, but i just looked at it, and after about 2 minutes of reasoning with the voice in my head, put it away. im still using the buying of myself a DSI as a motivation point, buts its still really hard. especially when im feeling down, and it seems like the easiest soloution

[Project Delta]

Your feeling better than me at least

[MadManWithaBox]

oh dear, never mind only one slip up, hows your hand now? and well done for going so long

[Project Delta]

Meh hand hurts again since i jumped off my roof, and didnt roll. sorta bounced on my knees but fucked up ankle and hurt my arm

[MadManWithaBox]

owchie. ive done that, jumped off somewhere and not rolled. one time i didn't roll properly and di my neck in, i cried for like an hour. as long as it wasn't intenional, jump back on the not self harming wagon.

[Project Delta]

Meh it was intentional not to roll... i also smashed the old oven on the roof

[MadManWithaBox]

ok 2 slip ups but your streong just make sure no more slip ups and you've been so like good, motivating for me, and a cool person to boot. no more please

[Project Delta]

I'll try :)< :hug:

[MadManWithaBox]

good. and on a lighter note, i saw britney spears and the ginger guy from band of brothers in london as well yesterday(cant remember ginger guys name, but he's so much more awesomer than britney spears)

[Project Delta]

Meh, Doesnt sound that great really

[MadManWithaBox]

i like him but he's not for everyone. howare you doing now? no urges i hope

[Project Delta]

Meh 3rd slip up today.
back 3 steps. but i haven't cut in 22 days so its pretty good

[MadManWithaBox]

Never mind minor set back, and i know your strong enough to get through and get back on your non harming streak. you've done so well, dont let it go now

[dstnyisurs]

Aaron, I know you can do it! 22 Days is awesome!!
Matthew (may I use your name?), that's good you told yourself to not cut.
I know you two can do it. You're both very very strong. (:

[Project Delta]

24 days ... getting so hard.
2 days since i last sh'ed

[dstnyisurs]

Its going to be hard.. and you're going to want to believe me.
There are other ways to cope. Music, writing, so on so forth.
You have to findyour niche... something that makes you feel safe.
Lovie, you can do it. You're strong.

[MadManWithaBox]

i snapped . yesterday . now i feel like crap . cant help but wonder

[Project Delta]

i'm gonna break soon

[dstnyisurs]

Wonder what, Matthew..?
I know you guys can do it... If you guys need anything, Im here.
Its going to be hard, but you can get through it. Its pure hell, but you can get out of it. I know you can.

[MadManWithaBox]

wonder the point of it all. the point of fucking living. cos from my perspective at the moment there isnt one.

[dstnyisurs]

The point of living? Do you need a point? You have your life ahead of you. This will pass, believe me it will. You can get better, and you can be happy and live a great, wonderful and long life!
There is no point, or no very good point, but there is a reason to go on with your life and let getting better have a chance...
You can do it. You can get past this. I know you can.

[Project Delta]

Your reason for living?

TO dream, to aspire to live up to wat you believe you can do, to prove yourself wrong over and over, and to help others! We all know that each other will do it but never believe in ourselves doing it. That is our problem really.

[MadManWithaBox]

not good mood at the monet, no sleep since saturday. im tired,, but i just cant sleep. proabbly my own fault for being such a worthless piece of shit. life just isn't worth all this pain

[dstnyisurs]

It is not your fault. You cant help not being able to sleep, lovie.
Pwease, life is worth it. It always is. There are people who love you dearly and would miss you if you weren't here.
Life is worth it because there is always the oppertunity to be happy and feel good. The pain does stop, even if it may take some time. Once you're dead you're... dead. But by living life you can evolve out of the blue and into the happy. It's entirly possible.
I hope you feel better... <3 (: Message me if you need anything.

[MadManWithaBox]

how do you pm on this forum? cant work it out, and i want to pm kyrra(hope you dont mind me using your real name|)

[dstnyisurs]

Aw I don't mind lovie.
Go onto whomever's profile, go to the tab that says "contact info" and there will be an option to PM that person. Also, when you click their name in the forums, it gives you a drop-down menu that enables you to PM them.
(:

[MadManWithaBox]

doesn't work for me. never mind. did i spell your name right? and i caved. again

[dstnyisurs]

Oh no...
Im sowwy I didnt write back in like FOREVER. I was at camp, and my laptop crashed bitterly.
Im going through the same thing, except Im losing the will to stop cutting at all. Its scary, like Im falling into it again to the point where I cant turn around. :/
But anywhoo, lovie I will PM you and hopefully that will work. Remember, you can instant message me, and if you lemme know your you, Ill talk to you whenever I can.
You can do it. Cutting is not worth it. All the pain does not make pure pleasure. It has side effects. Terrible side effects. You have to fight the addiction. I know you can do it. You're better then your razor. All the pleasure in the world isn't worth your blood being spilled.