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View Full Version : The Lies (in the Sky) [Villanelle]


Underground_Network
June 12th, 2009, 04:00 PM
The sky was a beautiful shade of blue
And the rigid, yellow burning sphere up high
Was shining brightly until noon.

It shined so bright it imbued its hue
Upon the denizens of time,
And I’ll admit the sky, the sky! was a beautiful shade of blue.

The thoughts of millions were suppressed and subdued,
Removed from their heads as they smiled at the sky,
The sky with the sphere that shone brightly ‘til noon.

Oh but at noon it happened, they had not a clue!
The sky was alight with a hundred new lies,
And yet the sky, the sky! was still a beautiful shade of blue!

The lies in the sky, harbingers of doom,
Hovered in the air and dared us to cry,
Shining brightly well after noon.

Metallic and round they grew nearer the ground, and just as they should,
They went off with a boom; destroying our hopes, our dreams, and our lives.
And yet the sky, the sky, I swear, I swear, was a beautiful shade of blue!
And something in the sky was still shining brightly, well into the afternoon.

nick
June 12th, 2009, 04:48 PM
Hey, this is very interesting, I like it a lot. A little wierd, but good.

Some very rich and interesting language too. A minor point, but it seems strange to use 'shined ' in the 2nd stanza but 'shone' in the 3rd.

Underground_Network
June 12th, 2009, 05:26 PM
Yeah, I guess that is a bit awkward...

Though keep in mind that I was attempting to write a very difficult form of poetry in under ten minutes... xD

And this is a 'first draft,' so it certainly could be improved and I'm open to criticism... Though I am a bit too lazy to fix anything atm. ;)