having my eating problems again

[ackmedsgirl666]

ok so usually i will sit down and have lunch with my friends or i will end up giving it to them. unfortunately they notice that i go to the washroom alot after i eat. well i end up throwing up. im not sure why but whenever i eat i puke and not on purpose. im losing weight like crazy and im scared
im not rele sure what to do....

[Bougainvillea]

Three words.
See a doctor

[ackmedsgirl666]

i have
they said its stress
so basically he said since i stopped cutting this has been happening

[Bougainvillea]

Maybe the throwing up may be a learned reflex. Did you ever purposely make yourself throw up?

[ackmedsgirl666]

once or twice

[Bougainvillea]

Never mind about that then. Ummm... Does the thought of food make you feel sick?

[ackmedsgirl666]

yes even when im hungry and im tempted
then i eat and i throw up

[Bougainvillea]

I don't really know what to say... it's hard to get rid of eating habits. I used to binge.

[ackmedsgirl666]

yeah i have never done that

[ackmedsgirl666]

i was doing really good until yesterday
i managed to keep my meal down last night but this morning my head was in the tiolet the second i got up
i dunno what to do anymore
and my boyfriend is losing sleep over me
god i dunno what to do

[Holding On*]

I had the exact same thing. in 2007-2008 winter season. I do not quite remember how I got over it though. It just sort of slowly went back to normal. But I am getting thoughts on it again. Before I had the thoughts of an anorexic/bulimic but never made my self sick. After eating I would just be sick/feel liek I would be. The thought of food and calories made me feel sick.

Now though I just don't want to eat. Eating means fat. Fat. Fat. I don't need more. I have plenty of it already! And then with all the sports I do aswell (I am quite sporty), It would burn the fat off that I do have... then I would be slim. :) Sorted? Not quite. I suffer with depression too. And when I am down (almost 24/7) I want to binge. Eating calms me down. Even if it is healthy foodslike carrots/celery. I just want to eat. But with two boys in the hosue who can eat anything and not gain a pound, we have lots of junk. Naturally I am attracted to these more then the healthy stuff. So then I sit and Binge. Then I'll skip breakfast and lunch to make up for the crips or chocolate I ate, or both. D: Its not good. I don't want it to become a routine again, although I can see it going that way...

mind you... i dont really care much to be honest. I have enough issues already, why not add one more? I self harm, I am sucidal, why not be bulimic again too?