Should I tell him?

[Wonder.]

I have a friend who I secretly liked. It's a he. He doesn't know I'm bi, and because I diddn't hang out with him because I liked him. Tomarrow is the last day of school. So, should I tell him I'm bi? Should I tell him I like him? He really does deserve to know why I diddn't talk to him that much. If you are straight and don't really talk about homosexuality and only watch straight porn, how would you react if your friend told you he liked you? I want to tell him. I don't NEED to tell him. But I should. Should I?

[dwindala]

I think it depends on how your relationship is with this friend. How close are you? How long have you been friends? Also, try to remember conversation's that you've had with him in the past, has he ever said any negative remarks about bi or gay people?

[Wonder.]

Pretty close.
Two years.
Never.
I'm just afraid of what he will think and if he will tell anyone. I'm almost positive he won't. But I don't know for sure.

[dwindala]

Well, then it sounds like you are all ready to go. Just tell him, get it off your chest or you'll always wonder what if. Maybe you should kinda lead into it the next time you two are alone, I wouldn't tell him that you like him that way right off the bat, ask him some questions about what he thinks of Bi people and if he ever thought he may be Bi THEN(depending on the answers) tell him or don't tell him. Sound like something you can pull off?

[Wonder.]

The problem is that tomarrow is the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. I don't really see my friends during the summer. (I know. I'm a creeper.) I have about two hours and a lot of people around. We might be alone, but not for long. I do have his phone number, but I would feel weird telling him on the phone. Yet another thing, I have "thoughts" about him. As in, last night, the dream was that he (Aps) and this other guy (As) were at my house. As had gay porn playing on his iPod touch but not watching it. (he's not gay) and then we went to an airport. On the way there, we (Aps and I) somehow start talking about sex how we wondered how much it could possibly hurt the woman when she's experiencing anal. We start making out, and then when we get to the next airport, we go into the bathroom and have sex. When we get back to school the next week, we kiss in public and everything like we're dating. Then Aps, As, and I have a three way at my house after school. Neither of the two are gay and I'm almost positive they're not bi. I typed that whole dream only because I'm bored.

[dwindala]

Wow! Sounds like a crush to me. Do you like the As guy to? If you really want to tell him then tell him. Like I said before ask him some questions about what he thinks about Bi people and if he's ever thought that he might be bi before. Then if he reacts positively, reveal your secret that you MAY be Bi. I would then say something along the lines of "
I don't want to freak you out" I felt that I could tell you since we've been friends for so long." things like that. If he does freak out then you have to wonder if you really want to be friends with someone who may not accept you. If he is really your friend and likes you for you then he shouldn't freak out too much but, you may have to give him some time to adjust, it may come as a shock to him. How does that sound to you?

[Oblivion]

Moving to Teen Sexuality

[Wonder.]

Two more questions. (I have to be getting annoying by now.)
How do I make sure he doesn't tell anybody?
What should I do if he tells someone?

[dwindala]

No problem, I'm actually enjoying this! I would ask him to promise not to repeat what you're about to tell him. Also, hit him with a little guilt after you tell him with something like "I told you this because, I trust you and I believe that you can keep it to yourself" things like that so even if he thinks about telling someone he will think twice. Even after you tell him wait to see what he says, observe his reaction not only what he says but physically. Look at his movements, his eyes, hands. If he can't look at you afterwords then it's not so good. If he's very "chill" about it then great. Ask him if this changes anything between you. Also, how old are you guys? That makes a difference in how you would deal with him.

[Wonder.]

We are both 13.
He has a history of repeating a couple of secrets but only small ones.

[MoveAlong]

I think you should not tell him you like him straight out. I think you should first mention you're bi/gay if you do anything, because telling someone you like them puts a lot of pressure on them. It's like "uhhhh....." and inside their mind they freak out.

[Wonder.]

Have either of you been in this situation or a situation like this? If so, how did you start up the conversation and how did you tell them all of this? How did they react?

[dwindala]

No, never in this exact situation. You both are fairly young, are you sure that you're even Bi? I know from personal experience that when going to puberty you can be curious and sometimes have fantasies about both sexes. Have you thought about this in-depth?

[Wonder.]

I am positive. I'm actually towards the end of puberty now. I started early. I feel special. (Not really.)I'm not really sure what else to say.

[NeverTooLate]

i would tell him i had the same situation as u, and my friend took it well, and it turned out he was bi two and liked me

[dwindala]

I am positive. I'm actually towards the end of puberty now. I started early. I feel special. (Not really.)I'm not really sure what else to say.

Wow! Well, then you just have to tell him. Boy, can I wait until I'm out of puberty.

[Wonder.]

Was he a joking, jealous, energetic, acts like he's straight type of guy that has dated three girls and never talks about homosexuality and the only time they talk about sex is when they are talking about porn?

(yes I am bored so I keep typing. It's midnight where I live. I'm using my iPod touch. I'm still typing.)

[NeverTooLate]

Was he a joking, jealous, energetic, acts like he's straight type of guy that has dated three girls and never talks about homosexuality and the only time they talk about sex is when they are talking about porn?

(yes I am bored so I keep typing. It's midnight where I live. I'm using my iPod touch. I'm still typing.)

r u talking to me?

[dwindala]

Was he a joking, jealous, energetic, acts like he's straight type of guy that has dated three girls and never talks about homosexuality and the only time they talk about sex is when they are talking about porn?

(yes I am bored so I keep typing. It's midnight where I live. I'm using my iPod touch. I'm still typing.)

Who is the HE your referencing to?

[Wonder.]

Sorry. I'm, like, half asleep. I had this dream starting in my head and it was interfering with my typing. Sorry.

[Wonder.]

What should I do if this turns out bad though? What if he has a problem with it? What if he starts ignoring me? He's the closest friend I have that is a guy.

(I'm starting to annoy MYSELF now.)

[dwindala]

Just get over it. What if you never tell him and hold it on your chest forever and turns out he's bi too? You never know.

[Wonder.]

Thanks everyone for your help. There is just one last question though. How do I bring it up? How do I start up the conversation and tell him?

[Wonder.]

I am home from school now. I diddn't have a chance to talk to him in private. I may call him and tell him. Or, I will probably see him sometime during the summer. I want to tell ASAP so it's not in a really weird situation like, we're playing some game and then I tell him. I also want to tell him before I lose the courage. Telling him over the phone seems strange though. What should I do now?

[mexa]

How would i react? well i wouldnt mind much...I would say: "well...i didnt see that one coming, well im sorry i cant like you back but we can still be friends"

As for telling him, sure go ahead if you have the guts...i dont have the guts =/

how to bring it up? well if id have the guts id just say it up front like this:
"i have something important to tell you, im bi. take your time to think about it and say something when youre ready" then walk away and hope for the best.

Maybe it doesnt help much but thats what id do. Good luck!

[Wonder.]

What would you do you do if it was over the phone?

[Wonder.]

How do you think this would turn out if I said this to him over the phone?


Hey, I think you should know why I have sorta ignored you this year. Please don't take this in a bad way. Do you know what bisexual means? (Answer) Well, that's a word that could describe me. That's not why I have sorta avoided you. I avoided you because... I have liked you more than a friend. When I was alone in the cabin during free time at camp, I thought about this the whole time. Knowing you, you are probably thinking "What the fuck?" right now. I just had to led you know this. Please don't tell anyone about this. Not even AS. Or your parents. This is the biggest secret I've ever had. And please don't let this ruin our friendship. I realize that I put you in an awkward situation but this is the right time for me to tell you.

(let him speak and I respond.)


Do you think it will be a little bit less awkward that way?

[DrkZ90]

Why don't say it face to face? invite him over or something, it would be better...

[Wonder.]

My parents keep me anti-social.

[dwindala]

Just wait until you see him. DON'T AND I REPEAT DON'T TELL HIM OVER THE PHONE!! Also, I wouldn't just walk away after you tell him. Stay there ask him if he has any questions or even concerns. Let him know you don't want this to ruin your friendship and see what he says BEFORE you tell him that you are attracted to him sexually. If he reacted positively then I MIGHT ask if this is something he thinks you could explore together. You must tell him though, don't lose the courage to tell him the truth!

[Wonder.]

Well, that's all my questions, I think. Thank you everybody for your help. Every post was helpful and useful. I think I might be seeing him soon also. I will keep all of this in my mind. (somewhere in there) Thanks again, dwindala and mexa the most, but everybody has helped out alot. Thank you.

[Wonder.]

I thought of another question.

He is coming over to my house ths saturday. Should I talk to him about this when he arrives, or right before he leaves? I don't want him to feel strange the whole time he is here, but I also don't want to end up not being able to have the whole conversation before his parents come. So, right away or at the end?