i don't know what to do?

[sienna.]

i have been really struggeling lately.
i can't make myself eat..
i keep throwing up.
yesterday i made myself throw uup about 8 times during the day.
there was a lot of blood.

so i went and saw my doctor, and i have lost "a lot" of weight since i last saw him.. and he really isn't happy.
and he said that he wants to put the feeding tube back in, because there is no way i can get my weight up myself when i am refusing to eat.
so i pretty much said fair enough, because i am sick of having this war going on inside of my head deciding why i shouldn't eat...

but i am worried.
i am worried if i get the feeding tube put back in AGAIN,
then my boyfriend may get mad.
he hasn't been home a lot lately, because of work, and when he is home, i put on a brave face and act like it's al okay, and i just wear baggy clothes.
but i am scared that if i get the feeding tube put back in then he will know i failed again!!
and he will be mad.

what should i do??
do i get the feeding tube put in???

[nachtspiegel]

You get it put back in because your boyfriend will definitely know that you didn't gain any weight back if you die.
Plain and simple.

[PrincessSarey]

You didn't fail if you tried.
You need to do this.
Would you rather he be mad for a little while, or devastated and grieving for a life time over your death?
You will die if you don't get the feeding tube. I think you know this.
So, do the right thing for yourself here Sienna.
Goodluck.

[Pirate]

Don't give up. At the end of the day, he's going to realise eventually because you won't die straight away, you'll get weaker and weaker, and he'll be madder and less likely to stay if this happens. As I've been told before, people will only want to help you if you want to help yourself. The feeding tube is important, just make sure that he knows that you are trying and that you're upset to feel that you've 'failed' again.
Although I don't think you have, you just have to keep your chin up love.
We all know you can do this!

xx

[sienna.]

well..
i told coop about the feeding tube.
and he looked so relieved.
he said that he thought it was a really good idea, because i am not getting any better.
if anything i am finding it harder.
so in a way i think he was glad...
so i got the feeding tube put in this morning.

so thanks for the advice.
:)