Is it right to be getting in a fuss?

[Reaper]

Well me and my girlfriend have been going out for nearly two months now, and everything has been great. However something happened in the run up to us starting a relationship and I want to know whether I am right to be so paranoid.

So for weeks before we became girlfriend and boyfriend, we both said we were in love with each other and were waiting for it to all fall in to place really. However, one weekend I went away to play paintball for the weekend, and she told me one of her friends was coming to stay. I was fine with this until I found out the guy was someone she liked a lot just before she met me. I said I was unhappy, but she said it meant nothing, they had been friends for a long time and she loved me. I said fine, not wanting her to think I was controlling before things had begun.

The next day I find a message from her to this guy on his facebook wall saying "You look sexy in my bed". Pissed off, I confronted her, and she got angry saying nothing had happened and in fact they had had an argument and she never wanted to see him again. I left it at that.

However, earlier I started thinking about it again. I looked back over the msn conversations. Two days after she said she needed to go to Boots to get "something". Nearly a week after that she was sick when I was with her, puking everwhere. I know for a fact that she goes to Boots for the morning after pill, and being sick is a repercussion of that contraceptive.


I dont know what I should do. I love her, but even the thought of her lying to me pisses me off so much. However we werent "together" then, so am I stressing over nothing? I want to ask her, but I also don't want to look a prick and offend her if she really is telling the truth.

[Oblivion]

Talk to her, and try not to be accusing. Be calm, and simply ask her if she did anything with her friend. Tell her you still love her and you are willing to work through it, that you just want her to tell the truth. Tell her that if she still stands by her word, you won't bring it up again (and really, don't).
Again, be very calm, don't be accusing. Just ask. (For example, "Did you and *friend's name* do anything while I was gone?" rather than "Why didn't you tell me you and *friend's name* had sex?! How could you lie to me?!")

[Reaper]

I just find it really hard because whenever I mention anything to do with it she gets incredibly defensive and upset. As stupid as it sounds, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt her, and even though she potentially did this behind my back, ever since she has never done anything wrong and been absolutely wonderful.
I feel like Im risking everything I have with her on this one question, and even though I want to know the answer, Im not even sure how I will react if she just gives it to me straight.
Im probably jealous rather than anything, but the fact we havent had sex yet, when she would just out of the blue invite this guy over and potentially sleep with him absolutely devastating.

[rubidoux]

If you know that she buys the morning after pill on a regular basis, then I think that's what you should be worried about. But unless you know that for a fact, you're being a jerk by accusing her of such a thing. I'd be pissed if my boyfriend said that to me also, and I would've thrown you out and puked alone right after it came out of your mouth.

Relationships are about trust, and no matter how much you think you love her you aren't going to be happy together without it.

[Oblivion]

If you don't want to risk your relationship, just ignore the whole thing.

In my opinion however, if you ask and she breaks up with you because you just asked about it, she may be a bit too defensive to match up with someone who's pretty curious. But I definitely see her point, that you theoretically aren't trusting her enough. Maybe first explain to her that by nature you are suspicious and curious?

[rubidoux]

If you don't want to risk your relationship, just ignore the whole thing.

In my opinion however, if you ask and she breaks up with you because you just asked about it, she may be a bit too defensive to match up with someone who's pretty curious. But I definitely see her point, that you theoretically aren't trusting her enough. Maybe first explain to her that by nature you are suspicious and curious?

The thing is, he said they aren't dating yet. So technically, she could say she doesn't owe him that kind of loyalty if he won't let her have the title of his girlfriend. That's what bothers me about situations like this; once she's your girlfriend, then it's your business. Until then, it isn't. It's a tough situation but he has to look at it from her perspective also.