i've done something really stupid...

[karabiner]

before i start, i want to say that i understand the irresponsibility of my actions, and that some of what i have done may have even been illegal.

I am on secondlife, the virtual online meeting place, and have recently come into some problems there.

i have started a relationship with someone there, and... told them i'm older than i actually am. IRL, i'm 16, but... he thinks i'm 18.
i've also done certain 'things' over IM with him, which are not exactly considered good practice for someone my age.

he's 19 IRL, and i really love him, he's funny, bubbly, and very understanding, but... if I don't tell him the truth, i'm gonna get torn apart by it. but if i do tell him, it'll ruin our relationship.

i know i shouldn't have done this, and it was never even supposed to go this far, but, it has.

and now, he's asked if i want to officially become his boyfreind. (i have asked before, but things were complicated then)

i know i've got to tell him, but i really need some support, and ideas on how i can minimise the damage done to the both of us.

please don't give me comments telling me how what i've done is wrong or stupid, because i know that.

all helpful responses are greatly appreciated.

[shelb angs]

Well dating like that over the internet is stupid so I'm not going to advise being committed. Since you feel so strongly about it, just tell him. I highly doubt that it's going to make that large of an impact on you in the near future.

[karabiner]

thing is, i wasn't dating, i just asked if anyone wanted to come sit with me.
he did, and now it's gone way further that i meant it to.

[shelb angs]

Well it hasn't gone 'anywhere' since you aren't in a relationship. I'd highly advise against trying to make yourself exclusive to somebody you met in SecondLife.
Just say it and be done with it. If he doesn't want to talk to you, it's not the end of the world.

[sebbie]

Tell him, you don't want a relationship and move on from what you have done in the past, regardless of where you met the guy.

[Aneklusmos]

You do know there is a second life for teens, right? anyways, you've got to tell him. just say it straight out. dont dance around it. just in a aim chat say something like, "listen ive got something to say to you. im actually 16" and then just figure out what happens next, presumably some kind of separation, because dating a minor when your a legal adult is illegal

[Truth]

Fantasy, can you remove the insults in your post, honestly.

And at OP, just tell him. It's online.

[karabiner]

yourfantasy, i don't appear to be able to reply directly to your post, but i'd like to thank you for your help, and fortunately i didn't see the post when it was it it's less freindly stages, so no harm done there :)

when i said i was gonna become officially his boyfreind, i meant through SL. i know it's silly to get worked up about an online relationship, it's just not often you find someone you've got a lot in common with.
and yes, i'm a boy too.

[byee]

I think the real issue here is the wisdom of having an intimate relationship with someone online. The need to be close is universal, and online presents as an easy way of accomplishing that, but in reality, what you've got is largely the product of what you've created in your own head, you simply don't have enough info or experience with the person to have intimacy. And, since it's clearly limited based on the internet, it can't go very far.

So, that said (and I know it's mostly opinion here), I think you should just end the contact with him. It's not so much about your age or his (although that's part of it), it's mostly in response to what your needs are and the impossibility of you really getting them met online.

Use the experience as a confirmation that you're looking for a relationship, and then find it in real life.

[karabiner]

okay, thankyou for all your help, and i've now told him the truth. he was glad i was honest with him, and we've come to the agreement that we can remain freinds.

and thanks iamsam, i have realised that i need a relationship, but current circumstances prevent me from doing so IRL. (overprotective parents >.<)
hopefully once i'm into college, i can start looking for someone right for me.

[dstnyisurs]

How do you know he's nineteen?
Lovie he may have appealed to your senses but there's still the possibility he's an old old man getting pleasure off you. Tell him and be done with it. If he doesn't want to talk to you then you can find a new lovebug.

[Kinetic]

hey yo uhh i did something like this when i was younger than u but i knew the guy in rl and we went to skool and our friend relationship is damaged and stuff

[Kinetic]

sorry wasnt finished but yeah i think that wut u gota do is if u feel strong enuf to go out with him tell him ive lied to u i did that and it waas ok sorry im not sure how to put this in words D: