I don't know what to do any more

[Mintage]

Ok so a few months back I had a serious change of mood. I became unenthusistic about everything and my friends had noticed a change as well but I kept denying anything was wrong. And then I felt like there was no one in the world who cared about me and I just felt like everything was my fault. And that's when the self harming started. I felt like I needed to feel something to prove I was still alive. I felt like everyone I knew was using me. I felt so unloved. And before I had even realized I had done it, I had picked up a knife from the kitchen and I was cutting my arm. The pain seemed to make everything go away and before I knew it I was doing it everyday and the cuts got longer and then it was more than once a day. It wasn't until I was in the shower that I noticed in the mirror the cuts and blood on my arm. It made me feel sick. So I decided I needed to tell someone, and I did, I told my best friend. I remember bursting to tears and I told him about what I had done. I hated myself. But now I have started again and I can't tell my best friend because at the moment he has his own problems to deal with and it's not fair on him. So hears my cry. I don't know what to do and I feel it's worse than before. The other day I actually contemplated suicide. I really don't know what to do :(

[Zazu]

If you're going through puberty atm, which I presume you are, it's not uncommon for people to develop depression / bad feelings due to your hormones going completely wild.

it sounds like things have really got on top of you and that you're finding things pretty hard to cope with; don't worry because this is fixable. The best thing to do is to go and see your GP, have a chat with them and see what they recommend. They might prescribe you with some meds, depending on your age, or they might refer you to a counsellor. Counsellors are great people to go and see because you can always discuss anything you want with them and they'll help you to plan out where you're going to go next and how you're going to get there.

It can be hard bottling things up when you haven't got someone your own age who you can talk to about things, I went through the same kinda thing where one of my mates had his own stuff to deal with meaning that I coudln't confide in him that much. If you do ever want to chat with someone about things, there are loads of people here on VT who are happy to chat. My MSN is in my profile :)

So yer, pop along and see your GP and have a chat with them, they shuold help to point you in the right direction and in the meantime there will always be someone here from VT who can try to help :)

[dstnyisurs]

Lovie, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's hell, isn't it?
My advice is to just remember that suicide is not the way out. You can always post here, and there are dozens of people who would be willing to help you via private message, open post, or instant message. People care about you. I know I don't want you to die, I don't think anyone does.
The cutting is hard to get off... I know. The only reason I didn't for eleven months was because of this guy, but that's another story. You need a distraction, and a reason not to cut. When a person is injured, the brain recieves endorphines, which produce a temporary happiness to lessen the pain.. and that's what addicting. When you cut, all you're feeling is a temporary fix. In the end, your issues and demons are still there. I know you've probably heard it a lot, but the best way out is usually getting the balls to go to counsiling. But it takes balls to admit you need help to family and getting help.. and it's hard. I know, I think I understand.
Lots of things can help when you're in the mood to cut... music has helped me through many a lone night. Some other things that may help is putting it off for a little bit at a time until you get out of whatever mood you're in, or using a red pen or felt tip marker to see the blood and have the motion but not the action. Also, try adopting a musical instroment or start to write or draw to get out your feelings another way... or go for a run. =) That has been proven to help (I haven't tested it though... but I know people who have.)
I hope I'm helping. If you need ANYTHING, PM me, or instant message me. Anything. Having someone there to talk you through when you're going to cut and try to talk you out of whatever mood you're in can help immensly.
Remember; we all love you and want you to live. =)

[Mintage]

Thank you so much for the advice :) I really think it's
Helped. I've gone to see a counsellor at a local youth service and she's managed to help me and even just telling her what I've done and what might have been the cause of it has helped and I feel a whole lot better. The strange thing was though that all the while I was cutting myself the thing I felt bad about was not that I was cutting but the fact I was lying to the people I care most about and who care about me. And the worst thing for me is that all this trauma is happening right in the middle of my GCSEs

[ocean_blue]

hey, just thought i'd add my thoughts...
i no wot u mean, i've just finished my solid week of exams 2.
nd stuff like this just messes it all up, doesnt it??
its great that ur talking 2 a counsellor though, i hope she helps.
keep it up :)

[Mintage]

hey i just thought i'd give you guys an update, i have been to see my GP and it turns out i have been diagnosed with Teenage depression :/ but its not all that bad, its been a weight off my shoulders now i actually know that there was a cause to what i was doing. i haven't cut myself in oh 3 weeks i think and i don't feel like doing it anymore either. And the best thing is that my scars are healing, at the moment they just look like scratches. I have completely changed my life, i'm more outgoing, i'm exercising, i have changed my look and i feel much more happier :) but thanks guys for the reassuring words. i don't know what i would have done if i hadn't come here

[ocean_blue]

oh thats great well done!
:D