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MisterMonster
June 2nd, 2009, 06:30 PM
My first serious poem in a while now.

All the I Love You's
All the things I'd do
To see that bright smile
Once in a while
I'd run a mile
(but only if you paid me)

Who's Gone out with who?
Us, Them, or is it you
(I'm hedging my bet's on you)
Wanna shop? Wanna see?
You must be kidding, don't you see?
(that's way too expensive)

Sappy, I know
that's just part of the show
fell apart toward the end
but who's paying attention to the end?
I'm living in the now
Not what, when, but how!
Now!

ARGH
that fell apart
but i just randomly strung words into a random order to see if they came up with something. Dedicated to Mary.

Aneklusmos
June 2nd, 2009, 09:21 PM
Pretty good. The fourth line of the third stanza bugs me though. Maybe find a shorter word?

MisterMonster
June 3rd, 2009, 11:39 AM
:o
I love that line!!!
oh well, thanks for the input
i don't like this poem

YourFriend
June 27th, 2009, 07:12 PM
nice on! gz!