help.. please.

[bri-]

well, i'm not sure if this is in the right place, but more and more often i just want to kill myself. i cut myself alot and that's not even helping anymore. i know it has to do with my inability to get a boyfriend but, i just can't stop. i've tried killing myself so many times that i've lost count. please help, any advice before one of my suicidal attempts actually works....

[BlackenedSilver]

You should talk to someone you trust about this. Then maybe they can help you get some professional help for this. Or if you dont want the middle person, go see your gp and they will refer you to someone.
I hope your ok hun. :) If you need me at all, just PM me or add me on msn. :hug:

[bri-]

i already have professional help and am on numerous medications but it doesn't help. it makes everything worse... i'm running out of places to cut myself and i've taken up burning myself with cigarettes, lighters, matchs, ice cubes, anything that will hurt... i'm scared.... my parents don't care anymore..

[BlackenedSilver]

Hun, that sounds awful. :/ But dont give up with the professional help, you might think it doesn't help but maybe you just havn't found the right person to help you yet.
Please stick with this, don't give up no one wants that.
Like I said, if you ever want to talk to me about it. I dont know maybe I could help or just be a distraction :) I will try my best. Please pm me.

[bri-]

i've been through a few professionals now... but i suppose a distraction could work... that's why i was hoping for a boyfriend. that pretty much ranks right up at the top of my distractions.

[bri-]

well, i gave in.... i cut myself last night...

[Flutterfly]

I'm sorry you did that, that you feel that way, if you ever need to talk you can pm me, sometimes just chatting can help.
You should maybe take up a new hobby. Something you use your hands to do; writing, drawing, guitar, piano, sign language... maybe that'd help.

[bri-]

well, i tried piano and gave up.. i do write but, i don't write good stuff... i don't know what to do..

[Flutterfly]

It doesn't matter the quality, just if it distracts you and if you enjoy it.

[bri-]

it doesn't distract me... nothing does. =[ piano made me more depressed. i always write suicidal things... and well, i don't know...

[Truth]

IF MEDS ARE MAKING IT WORSE, STOP TAKING THEM AND TALK TO YOUR DR NOW. 'Helpful meds', made my father commit suicide. And why would your inability to get a bf make you cut? You dont need a bf to live your life. I do fine without a gf, friends cause less drama. =)

[bri-]

Truth, you're only 13 of course you don't need a gf. but you don't even know the whole story. try reading some of my other threads and then come back and give "advice"

[Flutterfly]

it doesn't distract me... nothing does. =[ piano made me more depressed. i always write suicidal things... and well, i don't know...

The point was to find something you can do that distracts you. If the things you already tried don't work then try something else.

[bri-]

I've tried almost everything. I don't know what else to try

[Music Lover]

try something thet you need to constantly think about, like some intense sport, like squash

with me this usually switches my mind off everything except the game

[Truth]

Truth, you're only 13 of course you don't need a gf. but you don't even know the whole story. try reading some of my other threads and then come back and give "advice" Don't be ignorant, i'm one of the only guys in my school without a gf. If your 18, you should know a bf isnt what life is about. I gave you advice; if you dont like it, you could end up dead. It's not like i dont know what your going through. O.o

I've tried almost everything. I don't know what else to try

Deep breathing.

Relaxation techniques.

Call a friend, your therapist or a crisis line.

Try not be be alone (visit a friend, go shopping, etc.)

Take a hot bath.

Listen to music (soothing perhaps- Papa Roach or the Manics might not be a good idea!)

Go for a walk (Seems to be especially good for some when it's raining?!?)

Write in a journal

Write poetry- it'll be dark, but it'll be raw emotional, and that's good - it's a less harmful way of releasing things.

Wear an elastic around wrist and snap it when you have the urge to harm yourself.

If you tend to have decent runs of not SI-ing, then fail and do it, do a tally. Write 'days I self injured' in one colomn, and 'days I didn't' in the other. At the end of every day, draw a line in either colomn, depending on if you self injured or not that day. Over time, those tallys in the 'didn't SI' box will grow, making you feel better.

Some people find it helpful to draw red lines on themselves with washable markers instead of cutting themselves.

Hold ice cubes in your hands - the cold causes pain in your hands, but it is not dangerous or harmful (some people find it relieves the urge to harm themselves for that moment).

Punching a bed or a pillow (when nothing but a physical outlet for your anger and frustration will work), or any kind of sport- even if it's just pressups and situps in your own room- burns away the energy to harm.

Meditation (AKA self hypnotism if you want to call it that)

* Type One- Just sit down comfortably, eyes closed and take long, slow breaths - concentrating on the breath itself as it goes in and out and nothing else. After even eight or nine breaths, as long as you keep them slow, you can feel more relaxed. The more the better!
* Type Two- sit down comfortably, eyes closed and repeat to yourself a word which indicates something you want to have that you don't (emotions wise) or a state you want to be in- like 'happiness. happiness, happiness' or 'confidence, confidence, confidence'. The idea is that in time, you 'fool yourself' that you HAVE these things, and in doing so you DO have them because it's YOU that gives them to you in the first place!!

Scratch draw a picture on a thick piece of wood or use a screw driver and stab at the piece of wood. (can be another physical way to release your emotions without harming yourself.) If you don't think you can 'trust yourself' with a screwdriver please avoid this alternative.

Avoid temptation (i.e. avoiding the area in shops/ home where the razor blades are kept, etc.)

Try to find your own creative ways as outlets for emotions - writing, drawing, painting, etc.

Learn to confront others/making your own feelings known instead of keeping them inside, but pick your trustees carefully!

Go outside and scream and yell.

Take up a sport (a form of exercise can help you release tension, etc. - it doesn't have to be at a club or gym if you don't want; sport's sport wheverer and whenever you do it.)

Work with paint, clay, play-dough, etc. (the person who suggested this mentioned that they would make a big sculpture and do whatever they wanted to it. They said it was helpful to calm the urge to self-injure, plus it gave them some idea of what might be underlying the pain.

Draw a picture of what or who is making you angry.

Write a letter to the person who's making you feel this way (if there is one)- you don't ever have to send it; it may be best to burn it afterwards, but just writing it down helps work stuff out.

Instead of harming yourself, try massaging the area you want to harm with massage oils or creams, reminding yourself that you are special and you deserve to treat yourself and your body with love and respect.

Go to church or your place of worship- not necissarily an 'established' place of worship- the natural world, for example, is pretty spiritual- parks or a lake.

Wear a pipe cleaner or something that will fit on the places that you injure. One person did this as a way to remind herself that she could call someone instead of hurting herself and that she had other ways to cope.

Break, bury or throw away the object that you use to self-injure as a way to show that you have control over it.

Do some household chores (i.e. cleaning).

Do some cooking.

Try some sewing, crossstitch, etc.

Recite a poem, prayer or anything else familiar the comforts you, multiple times.

Write down all your positive points and why you do not deserve to be hurt. Keep it to refer to in the future.

Write in your journal why you want to hurt yourself and if you have hurt yourself, write down what caused it to happen so in the future you can prevent it from happenings - or find out what your triggers were.

Play some kind of musical instrument. Even if you don't really know how to play, picking out tunes is a way to concentrate and help get rid of the urge to harm yourself.

Yoga.

Allow yourself to cry. Getting the tears out can make you feel better. It allows the inside to release, as opposed to self abuse. Picture your "ickies" pouring out as you cry.

Take a shower.

Write down a word best associated with what you are feeling (i.e. horrible, sad, lonely, angry) and continue to write it down, over and over. Sometimes when you do that, the words looks silly etc., and it puts humour or a smile in your life.

Sing a song on what you are feeling. It's another way to get it outside. Shout if you feel, etc. Let the words just come to you.

Scribble on paper. Clutch the pen in your fist. It's a way to diffuse your emotions on to paper. (Get a few sheets so they don't tear.)

Take item you are self injurying with and use it against something else. For example, if you are using a razor blade, rip it across a towel. Sometimes seeing what "can" be done to an object can make a person think twice about using it on themselves. Can also give the feeling of "doing it"...the tangible aspect.

Make a list of reasons why you are going to stop cutting.

Tell yourself that you can't cut for another 5 minutes. If you make it 5 minutes then I tell yourself to wait another 5 minutes. Sometimes you might no longer feel like cutting after only 5 minutes.

Every time you get the urge, read the list to remind yourself why you shouldn't.

Also remember to put on that list that you do not deserve to hurt yourself. You are important and special and you do not deserve to be hurt.

Hit a punchbag - punchbags are goooood - or stree sponges.

Keep dangerous things out of your house/apartment.

Make a list of friends you can call. I do not do this because I do not have local friends that I can call. BUT, I know many people who find this list of friends to contact extremely helpful, even if they don't actually call anyone. Or make a list of helpline numbers in your area.

Focus on what is real and around you right then. There is no such thing as the past or the future- only the now!

Give yourself rewards, even if they're stupid, mundane little things like watching a TV show you like or eating a food you like - and indulge yourself in these things when you feel bad - makes you remember there are good things in life, however small.

Be aware of the world- say to yourself what you see. ie. The couch is green. The light is on. I can feel my shoe pinching my foot. This can sometimes be enough to ground you.

Make a contract with someone you care about and who cares about you. You don't have to 'know' them in the real world - internet friends are fine. Make sure you try to get in touch with them when you feel unsafe. (But of course don't get extra depressed, with internet friends, if they aren't around because they aren't online - that's why having phone numbers is better.)

Create an internal safe place where you can go. In a time when you feel safe and secure, create a room or a garden or any safe area inside yourself where you can retreat to and get away from external stresses. Add as many details as you can to make it real for you.

Get a warm drink and curl up in a warm place with a stuffed animal. Buy yourself a special stuffed toy if you do not already have one. Make yourself some tea or hot chocolate (or even coffee if the caffeine doesn't bother you) and curl up under a nice warm comforter or blanket with lots of pillows.

Put on a (happy) movie.

Post at a self injury bullitin board on the web. (Be careful to avoid triggery posts, but talk to people- it's totally anonymous, so just type how you feel- you might find some people who know what you're going through.)

Have a bath and finger paint with ketchup.

Try not to be to hard on yourself for feeling this way. Try not to beat yourself up inside by calling yourself names or expecting yourself to just "not feel this way" or to "snap out of it." This internal namecalling and self-verbal abuse will only make you feel worse.

Tell yourself how you feel now will not last forever. It is hard to remember that while you are in the midst of these feelings, but EVERYTHING changes. Just focus on you and what you need to do to get through these feelings as safely as you can.

Use a toothbrush instead of a razor.

Try something physical and violent, something not directed at a living thing, such as;

* Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock.
* Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at. Cut and tear it instead of yourself.
* Flatten aluminum cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go.
* Use a pillow to hit a wall, pillow-fight style.
* Rip up an old newspaper or phone book.
* On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do.
* Cut and tear the picture.
* Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it.
* Break sticks.

Crank up the music and dance.

Stomp around in heavy shoes.

Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book, babying yourself somehow. Do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted.

Use light sweet-smelling incense and listen to soothing music.

Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read. Visit a friend.

Slap a tabletop hard with another object.

Clap hard.

Take a cold bath or immerse your arm/leg into icy water.

Play a difficult computer game.

Choose an object in the room. Examine it carefully and then write as detailed a description of it as you can. Include everything: size, weight, texture, shape, color, possible uses, feel, etc.

Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it.

Pick a (safe) subject and research it on the web.

Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.

Get a henna tattoo kit. You put the henna on as a paste and leave it overnight; the next day you can pick it off as you would a scab and it leaves an orange-red mark behind.

Read an insanely long list of alternatives to cutting- by the time you've finished, you probably won't have the energy to cut!!!

[bri-]

first off, i'm 16. duh. and second i'm not being ignorant. you being the only guy in your school without a gf doesn't mean anything. you're in what 8th grade? you have four more high school years ahead of you. and if all you're going to do is bash me, don't post in here. ok?

[Truth]

first off, i'm 16. duh. and second i'm not being ignorant. you being the only guy in your school without a gf doesn't mean anything. you're in what 8th grade? you have four more high school years ahead of you. and if all you're going to do is bash me, don't post in here. ok? ... I never bashed you, im not in high school im in 7th grade, your only 16 and you do not need a bf, and you still didnt tell me why you need a bf to not cut. You're bashing me, not me bashing you.

[bri-]

ok, look sorry. i've had an extremely short temper the past few days. i'm not trying to bash you. and i don't need a boyfriend to not cut. hell, i had a boyfriend and still cut. but, BlankenedSilver and i were talking about distractions to help me stop cutting and i said that a boyfriend would be a good distraction. as i said before, read my other posts in "Relationships And Dating" to get the full story if that's what you want. I do apologize if i made it seem like i was bashing you but i didn't mean to.

[bri-]

oh. i have a plus. i've gone 2 days without cutting. it's not a huge accomplishment. but it's big enough for me...

[CuriousDestruction]

Bri, from the amount of cutting you've described, 2 days IS a huge accomplishment. just take this step by step. remember, you CAN get through this. as bleak and scary as it make look, there is HOPE. be strong, you'll make it through this. i know i don't know your whole story. but PM me and i can try and learn. and through that, i hope i can help. DON'T GIVE UP!

[Truth]

ok, look sorry. i've had an extremely short temper the past few days. i'm not trying to bash you. and i don't need a boyfriend to not cut. hell, i had a boyfriend and still cut. but, BlankenedSilver and i were talking about distractions to help me stop cutting and i said that a boyfriend would be a good distraction. as i said before, read my other posts in "Relationships And Dating" to get the full story if that's what you want. I do apologize if i made it seem like i was bashing you but i didn't mean to. It's fine =), but i gave you a list of things you coiuld do in my last post, try them, they do work.

oh. i have a plus. i've gone 2 days without cutting. it's not a huge accomplishment. but it's big enough for me... Good! Keep going :3

[bri-]

ooh look, 3 days without cutting now...

[CuriousDestruction]

ooh look, 3 days without cutting now...


yay! keep going!

[bri-]

i'm up to 4 days now... but i'm afraid with summer vacation right around the corner i'll start back in... =s

[Huskyboy132]

Dont Give up! Resist the temptation! You'll make it!

[CuriousDestruction]

just remember, you can make it through 4 days, you can make it through 4 more days. keep doing that, and soon you'll make it through the entire summer. in the meantime, start trying to find things that make you happy again. maybe take a trip out of state or make a new friend.

[Project Delta]

4 days is great, just remember you though 2 days was huge... well you have just DOUBLED that huge thing and now its GIGANTIC! :), keep it up and make it cataclysmically huge maybe? :), comedy... ah it rocks

[bri-]

Thanks everyone for being so supportive. It really helps. I'm having a pretty tough day so far but your support is helping me get through this.

[Pirate]

You're doing really well! Keep it up love! :)

[Project Delta]

Yeah just remember, *lolcat takes over* we is allz l00kng 0u7 4 uuuuuuu

hehe

[just-another-guy]

you should find someone you can trust and someone who you can talk to and stay in touch with them always as much as possible. think about it this way suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem also there is a huge amount of people that would be so sad with out you there are a lota people that love you for who you aree and they are there to help you u just gotta ask

[Project Delta]

So how are you doing with it? hope your keeping up with everything and coping well without SH
:) Keep it up, you can do it. We all know you can! :)