left the hospital.

[sienna.]

okay..
these last few days of my life has been hell.
the doctors put the feeding tube back into my stomach because i wasn't eating.
so thye put it back in.
and i refused and co9uldnt handle it.
so i made myself throw up, constantly pulling at my tube. i wouldn't sit still.
and i was alwasy crying.

so they put me in a coma so i wouldnt move or anything.
i got out of the coma a few days ago.
i am furious!!! you have no idea!!!!

i feeel absolutly horrible.
soo... i discharged myself from the hospital, went to another doctor, got them to take the feeding tube out.
and now i am living in between houses with ryan and coop.

i don't know how coop is still with me, we argue a lot.
because i am not eating, and making myself thow up i cry a lot.
i wont sit still.
it's times like these i wish coop was like matt when it comes to my eating disorder.

coop is doing my head in.
always trying to get me to eat!!!!!
why can't he understand that i just CAN'T!!


but i am back down to about 33 kilos.
:)

[Truth]

Why doesnt coop take the same angle for your eating disorder? Because he actually cares about you. You need to eat, or your whole life will have been for nothing.. all of your sadness, struggle, and pain would be for nothing if you died, and that's where your headed if you refuse to eat. You need to gain weight or your dead, you need to eat or your dead. Put yourself in the hospital and stop puking. You might say it's impossible but if it is then how come so many people have, and how come it's as easy as knowing you need to stop.

[MysticalBurrito]

Truth has hit most of it

you HAVE to gain weight or your going to DIE

I'm sorry I know this is harsh we have been telling you to gain weight for weeks and if you don't your going to have a heart attack and DIE

[sam i am]

I totally understand how u feel about not eating i have cancer and i just don't like to eat i just hate it everything is just blahh and im never hungry ....but u have to eat i almost got the tube and i hate it i didn't want to get it because i see other kids u have it and im like hell no -censor- u better back off XD just try to eat force ur self like i do...ik it's really hard but try do it for them matt or coop idk lol

Welcome to VT since you are relatively new. No matter what your vernacular language, racial slurs are not accepted on VT no matter how you intend it. If you do it again, you will be infracted.

~Vindication

[Sapphire]

You have two options.

You force yourself to get better and live life.

Or.

You carry on making yourself throw up and not eating and die.

Simple as.

[sienna.]

i know i need to stop but i can't.
and it's not as easy as said then done.

i can't do.
other people can.
but i can't.

[peaceloverugby]

i know i need to stop but i can't.
and it's not as easy as said then done.

i can't do.
other people can.
but i can't.

that's what my dad said about alcohol. i thought if he gave up drinking, budweiser would go out of business. but he got counseling, went to AA, and hasnt had a drink in weeks. You need to try counseling. If you already have, then try it again. Coop maybe annoying, but he's doing it because he loves you, and he doesn't want to see you die. It's the same reason I've been placing Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlets around my house since I was 10. It's because we care, and without you he will be miserable.

[Sapphire]

i know i need to stop but i can't.
and it's not as easy as said then done.

i can't do.
other people can.
but i can't.
If you decide to fight this then you can do it. There are loads of people who have tried to help you.
If you choose to let this illness win then you will die.

[xGreenling]

i know i need to stop but i can't.
and it's not as easy as said then done.

i can't do.
other people can.
but i can't.

Nobody said it would be easy. But you CAN do it. You're stronger than you know.

[Cloud]

youve got coop wanting to help you. it will be easier with him supporting you so let him help cos you CAN do it and you know you can do it.

[PrincessSarey]

sienna, You may not choose to have an eating disorder, but you can choose to recover. Many people are offering you this chance, and if you don't take it... you will end up 9 ft under. So many people do not want that to happen. I'm recovering, and it is extremely hard, but not impossible. You need to eat, you really do, you will die if you don't...

Please think on this very hard... you're so young, and have so much to look forward to in life, don't let this illness take that away from you, fight back...

We will all be here for you, every step of the way... many of us know how hard it is, so we can relate.

But seriously... you need to think on this very, very hard, and you need to think about fighting back... that light is there... please think on it.

[sienna.]

well...
maybe i wont die.
who said that i can't live the way i want to still survive.

i'm tired of being in hospital, and having therapy, and feeding tubes.

but i am tired of being fat, and making myself throw up, and lying to coop and ryan, and crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe i should judt die!

[peaceloverugby]

you're not fat love.

[sienna.]

no..
i am.

[PrincessSarey]

well...
maybe i wont die.
who said that i can't live the way i want to still survive.

i'm tired of being in hospital, and having therapy, and feeding tubes.

but i am tired of being fat, and making myself throw up, and lying to coop and ryan, and crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe i should judt die!


Anorexia/Bulimia is a way to die, not a way to survive or live.

I know you're tired of being in hospital and the tubes and therapy, but this is the only way you'll get better. Now, the help will always be there, but you have to want the help. If you don't want it, you won't get better. You really need to think on this. You will die if you carry on this path. As I said, I know you didn't choose to have an eating disorder, but you can choose to recover.

And I think if you died, many would be devastated. I think deep down, you don't want to die, you just don't want to live anymore like this. So change. Accept the help, and try to recover. If you don't, you will die, and I think when it's too late, you'll seriously regret not accepting the help and getting on the path to recovery. So please, seriously consider this. I and many others here are asking you too.

[sienna.]

but it's hard.
really hard!!
and i am tired of it!!

i need to stop!!
i know.
but i can't.

to get better i will have to go back to hospital, and treatment centres.
and i am tried of it all.

i feel like a need a year of sleep!
i have no energy!!

[PrincessSarey]

but it's hard.
really hard!!
and i am tired of it!!

i need to stop!!
i know.
but i can't.

to get better i will have to go back to hospital, and treatment centres.
and i am tried of it all.

i feel like a need a year of sleep!
i have no energy!!

I know it's hard, I'm recovering, it is not impossible though, plenty know how you feel, you're not alone hun.

I'm glad you know you need to stop, that means you know what you're doing is really dangerous and it proves you do want this to stop, but you can stop, if you think you can't, you're putting yourself in for a harder struggle against this, if you try and think more positively, it'll make a difference.

Yes, to get better, you may very well have to go back to hospital, but you need to do that, that's part of recovering, I know you're tired of it all, but you can fight back, and you can do this.

You most likely feel so exhausted as well from being so malnourished, it takes a lot out of you, both mentally and physically...

*hugs*

[sienna.]

why is all of this happening to me???

it's not fair!
i didn't want this!
i don't want this!!

[PrincessSarey]

why is all of this happening to me???

it's not fair!
i didn't want this!
i don't want this!!

*gently hugs*

I don't know why, and it's not fair, it really isn't, and we know you didn't choose this or want any of this... surely that would help in providing a positive, recovery mindset though? You can really beat back against this, it may feel like you can't right now, but it felt like that for me too, and I'm recovering... you can do it, too...

[sienna.]

i really feel like i can't.
i have no energy i am tried.
i don't know if i have the strenght to go back.

i want to, but i don't know if i can.

i am pushing my boyfriend away.
everyone.

but i don't know how to get better!!
i tried and i failed!!

i don't know if i can fail again!!

[PrincessSarey]

i really feel like i can't.
i have no energy i am tried.
i don't know if i have the strenght to go back.

i want to, but i don't know if i can.

i am pushing my boyfriend away.
everyone.

but i don't know how to get better!!
i tried and i failed!!

i don't know if i can fail again!!


As long as you tried, that's a step in the right direction. Doesn't mean you failed, if you try, that's all you can do.

Please go back. None of us want to see anything happen to you, and it will... if you carry on like this, it will. But it doesn't mean to say you can't change any of this, you can, you just have to believe that, and it will be the truth.

[sienna.]

i'm not ready to go back yet.

[PrincessSarey]

i'm not ready to go back yet.

Alright...

Well, I hope you don't feel ready when it's too late. That's what many of us here are fearing. That when you actually do feel ready, it's because it's too late, and you realize everything going on, and you want to fight back, and recover, and feel ready to do so, but that it'll be too late.

May I ask why you don't feel ready to go back yet?

[sienna.]

because i don't want to go back!!!
I DON'T WANT TO!!

i just left.
maybe in a month or 2 i will be ready.

[Truth]

because i don't want to go back!!!
I DON'T WANT TO!!

i just left.
maybe in a month or 2 i will be ready. In a month or two you could be dead if you keep on puking/starving.

[sienna.]

well i am not ready to go yet.

i wont be dead in a few months.

i just need a month or two.
that's all.

i will get help.
but i am not ready yet.
that's all.

[PrincessSarey]

Okay, well, we can't force you, we just seriously think if you don't get help now, or sometime very soon, you will be dead. And you are probably thinking "that won't happen to me", but trust me, it will if you carry on like this.

I guess we can't do much else sienna, it's down to you now. I just sincerely hope you get help before it's too late.

[sam i am]

Don't u have a kid on the way do u really wanna fuck him up do it for ur kid at least don't make him suffer because u feel u can't do it u can do it and u know it

[Triceratops]

You have two options.

You force yourself to get better and live life.

Or.

You carry on making yourself throw up and not eating and die.

Simple as.

^ I completely agree.

You need to push yourself harder than you have before, not let it take control. It won't come to you naturally so you MUST put the effort and force into it otherwise the illness will conquer this battle with such ease. You know you can do it, so you can't afford to keep holding back and letting yourself go now.

[Truth]

i wont be dead in a few months.

i just need a month or two.
that's all. As i said, in two months you could easily be dead. If you want to lie to yourself, go ahead; you know im telling the truth though.