Had a relapse

[Shattered Soul]

Long story short. I've had a really bad month, year, decade and have been finding eating over the past week difficult. I started with the usual abnormal eating patterns ie skipping meals, eating late, eating barely anything. I got bad news today and gave in and just ate and ate and ate whatever I could find in the kitchen - cleared and entire cupboard and half the fridge. Then I purposely made myself ill. I feel so so guilty about it, managed to go 9 months without that. I hate myself more than ever right now.
I tried going to the doctor but he just fobbed me off and said it was all in my head. Jeez, I seriously hate myself for this, for being fat and being horrible. I'm worried about going to the doctor about my suicidal tendancies now because of the way the doctor reacted with my eating. Anyone know is suicidal tendancies = depression? and if so, is depression linked to bulimia?

[Antares]

Aww hun :(
Well I think depression can be linked to bulimia. I think what you did was the prime example of how those two can become intertwined. Unfortunately, your way of coping with depression is eating and with eating came the need to not eat and not gain weight which led to bringing it back up.
I think the doctor is right though. Your diet is completely psychological. Other than what you need nutritionally, you control what goes into your body. If you can have the mental capacity to overcome your wants and just stick to your needs (no not starving but eating healthily just to get the nutrients you need) then maybe you will be able to stop that depression/bulimia link.
If you went to your doctor about suicidal tendancies, I promise you that he will react differently since suicide is much more serious and is a higher priority than your eating. So I suggest going back to the doc once again.
Good luck :)