Pyrocrcus
May 26th, 2009, 02:58 AM
I'm not really good at telling others how I feel.. so.. I was wondering if people could help me with this problem I've been experiencing. I find it much easier to type things out..
In September of last year I had horrible depression and had to be placed into the mental ward. Everything was going fine, thanks to the pills, except that.. recently something odd has been happening.
Usually I'm always hyper and what not but sometimes I feel unlike myself. I start thinking of other things that are usually never in my mind. Usually its like I keep telling my self over and over again, "Your fat" or "you don't belong in this world." It isn't just the stuff I keep telling myself though. At times I sorta.. see things.
For example, in band one day, when I closed my eyes all I saw was blood and kept thinking of knives. Whenever this happens I get horrible head aches that make it hard to think and focus on anything. Just trying not to do whatever it is makes my head hurt even worse. It's a really bad feeling. It's not just bad stuff.. one time I had this awkward feeling that I.. uhm.. should kiss.. this one boy... Usually its the first one though.
Sorry if.. I'm sounding needy.. I don't want to sound like that its just.. I hate to admit it but I'm kind of scared. Its as if I am not myself at times. Not to mention how I keep talking to myself at times, as if someone is going to respond. It just randomly started, when I started to feel like this.
I can't tell my mom because.. I don't know what she'd say. I'm afraid that.. I don't know.. she'll send me back to the hospital.
You don't have to help, I understand.
If you need any help for yourself, I'd be happy to help though.
In September of last year I had horrible depression and had to be placed into the mental ward. Everything was going fine, thanks to the pills, except that.. recently something odd has been happening.
Usually I'm always hyper and what not but sometimes I feel unlike myself. I start thinking of other things that are usually never in my mind. Usually its like I keep telling my self over and over again, "Your fat" or "you don't belong in this world." It isn't just the stuff I keep telling myself though. At times I sorta.. see things.
For example, in band one day, when I closed my eyes all I saw was blood and kept thinking of knives. Whenever this happens I get horrible head aches that make it hard to think and focus on anything. Just trying not to do whatever it is makes my head hurt even worse. It's a really bad feeling. It's not just bad stuff.. one time I had this awkward feeling that I.. uhm.. should kiss.. this one boy... Usually its the first one though.
Sorry if.. I'm sounding needy.. I don't want to sound like that its just.. I hate to admit it but I'm kind of scared. Its as if I am not myself at times. Not to mention how I keep talking to myself at times, as if someone is going to respond. It just randomly started, when I started to feel like this.
I can't tell my mom because.. I don't know what she'd say. I'm afraid that.. I don't know.. she'll send me back to the hospital.
You don't have to help, I understand.
If you need any help for yourself, I'd be happy to help though.