Help (sorry it's long)

[Miss Punk]

Ok I'm sorry this might turn out long but it's a difficult situation for me at the moment. I want to get help, I need to, but everyone I have gone to has let me down. I just don't know where else to turn now. I have tried going to friends, my parents also know now and my GP sent me a letter after the hospital contacted them, telling me I should make an appointment so I can be sent to a counsellor but I am not comfortable with either my GP or the idea of seeing a counsellor so I haven't responded yet.

What is hardest is that I think I might have lost my best friend. She found out I cut a few weeks ago and had to take me to A&E, and then she was also there when I was arrested last week, and she has hardly talked to me at all since then. We had a few brief conversations over msn, but she hasn't been replying to my texts, and when I see her in person we don't even acknowledge each other. I have apologised for causing her all this trouble, because I could understand if she was sick of my behaviour, but I don't think she understands how much I need someone right now. I only told her because I thought she would understand and be able to help me, but now it's like I've completely destroyed our relationship. We used to do everything together but now she spends all her time with her boyfriend, I have no one who I can really talk to now, because she was the only one I really trusted, and now I don't feel I can trust her anymore.

I really do want to improve, but nothing is changing, I don't have the strength to do it on my own and people keep giving me good advice but I can't seem to follow it. Last night I cut quite deep and I had only cut twice all week until yesterday, my skin had even healed a bit and now my arm is back to being the ugly mess it was before and I want to go deeper again. I keep seeing images of flowing blood in my mind, and the longer I go without cutting, the stronger they get until I have to cut and make it real, and it's like relief when I do because suddenly all the pain is coming out. I always seem to do more damage when I go a long time without doing it compared to if I do it every day. It just seems to be getting worse not better.

So if anyone bothered to read any of that, I could really do with some help evaluating my situation, my head is clearer than it has been in a while but I can't see a way out and I'm scared because I can see myself ending up destroying myself completely. I've already broken so much of my life and it's all my own fault but I don't want it to happen. So anybody, please help.

[Maizda]

Im sorry, i dont think i have any advice, but i didnt want to read and run.

Im so sorry your friend is being like this with you. I am. Mabye if you write her a letter/email explaining that you trusted her and you still want to be friends, and you just needed to talk to her because she is the only person you trust/trusted?

Im sorry, im not much help am i? But if you ever want to chat. Ill give you my msn x x

Edit. R.e the councelling. In my opinion, its personal choice, it doesnt help everyone. I personally found it really aukward to talk to her. It helped a little. But not a great deal, most sessions it made me feel worse. I dont want to put you off. But, like i said, its personal choice. x x x

[Truth]

You might not want to, but you need to see the councilor. Their quite nice, i've had one for almost a month.

[Miss Punk]

Im sorry, i dont think i have any advice, but i didnt want to read and run.

Im so sorry your friend is being like this with you. I am. Mabye if you write her a letter/email explaining that you trusted her and you still want to be friends, and you just needed to talk to her because she is the only person you trust/trusted?

Im sorry, im not much help am i? But if you ever want to chat. Ill give you my msn x x

Edit. R.e the councelling. In my opinion, its personal choice, it doesnt help everyone. I personally found it really aukward to talk to her. It helped a little. But not a great deal, most sessions it made me feel worse. I dont want to put you off. But, like i said, its personal choice. x x x Thank you that does help!
I don't know, yeah maybe I should try and explain things to her, wow that would be some essay trying to write everything down...

And the counsellor is something I will have to think about, I really don't like talking to people as it is, and in those sorts of situations I normally get so nervous that everything I say is a lie.

[Maizda]

Thank you that does help!
I don't know, yeah maybe I should try and explain things to her, wow that would be some essay trying to write everything down...

And the counsellor is something I will have to think about, I really don't like talking to people as it is, and in those sorts of situations I normally get so nervous that everything I say is a lie.

Im glad i helped :)

I know what you mean, i struggle speaking to people aswell. I get all panicky and stuff. I mean some sessions, i would just sit in silence. :rolleyes: Whoops. But, i couldnt talk. It was all in my head, but i didnt know how to put it into words, if you get me? xx

[Truth]

..And the counsellor is something I will have to think about, I really don't like talking to people as it is, and in those sorts of situations I normally get so nervous that everything I say is a lie. It's not like the councilor can tell anyone accept your parents things you say, and that's if your suicidal. They wouldnt judge you either. And, im saying this.. because from personal experience, everyone thinks your an attention seeking emo, if you ask for help. (Parents, friends, family.) You might have people that care about you more though.

[Miss Punk]

Thanks. I will think about it, but to be honest I can't see myself going for it. I have no one else I can talk to anymore, there is nobody left who I trust, so when I think about it it does seem like one of my only options but I don't know... Thanks for your help x
I can't put stuff into words either... the hospital staff kept asking me questions and I ignored them and said nothing but they kept asking so I said the first answer that came in my head, it was all a load of rubbish, this is why I have my doubts about counselling!

[Jamez]

Well mabey you should stop and the only reason you are seeing blood is when you close your eyes all you think about is, Why i cut myself? and stop doing it and thinking about it, Mabe you should get a hobbie :D like Playing 4 squa
re!!!

[Sapphire]

With the exception of medication, all the help that is out there will require you talk. It is difficult at first but if you stick with it then it will get a lot easier.
Bite the bullet and give it a go.

[Tankgirlpookie]

I have had a similar experience recently with a friend and i do want to talk to her but i cant anymore!

but if you really feel you need to talk to her then you have to make the first move ring her go around her house or something be proative and win her back! as a friend that is LOL



if that helps at all

[Miss Punk]

Thank you, that does help
I do want to talk to her, but I don't, but I am seeing now that it is important that at least if not to her, I go and talk to someone else and maybe I really should give counselling a try.

[Tankgirlpookie]

Sounds like a good plan of action, counselling could really help you get past some of the self destruction you do(we all do it) you friend cant be there for you on this and thats more about them then you your not in the wrong here you friend just cannot haddle what you have told her and shown her! you have a choice move on and let go or talk to her in a im seeing someone and getting help and all i want is us to be friends!:cool:

[Miss Punk]

Sounds like a good plan of action, counselling could really help you get past some of the self destruction you do(we all do it) you friend cant be there for you on this and thats more about them then you your not in the wrong here you friend just cannot haddle what you have told her and shown her! you have a choice move on and let go or talk to her in a im seeing someone and getting help and all i want is us to be friends!:cool:

Thank you, this is really good advice!

[Truth]

Thanks. I will think about it, but to be honest I can't see myself going for it. I have no one else I can talk to anymore, there is nobody left who I trust, so when I think about it it does seem like one of my only options but I don't know... Thanks for your help x
I can't put stuff into words either... the hospital staff kept asking me questions and I ignored them and said nothing but they kept asking so I said the first answer that came in my head, it was all a load of rubbish, this is why I have my doubts about counselling! Well, there's honestly a big diff between people in a hospital and a councilor.. trust me, the councilors alot nicer. Like, my councilor has sent me over to a psychologist, because i might need meds and that. But, im doing it because i dont want to have that voice in my head telling me im not worth it or to cut myself. Im sure you dont want to either. In the long run it will help alot; and thats all that matters. My councilor is some one i can talk to, you might or might not feel the same. Hope i help =].