im new...got a question.

[DecemberRain]

Hey, Im new to this stuff. I used to cut and i have a lot of scars. I rarely ever have t-shirts on...always a sweatjacket. I am affraid of what people would say about the scars. Has anybody ever felt that they wouldnt find a boyfriend/girlfriend in their lives that wouldnt understand them? I think it would be easier to be with someone who also used to self harm or still does self harm. I have been asked out before and i always turn them down because im affraid that they wouldnt understand and i wouldnt be able to hide it from them...its like if i were to hide it from them it would be like me not telling them half my life. you can never really be sure who self harms or not and i am so scared that i will never find anybody like me and ill be an old lonely lady thats 80 and never been with anybody before. Does anybody get what im saying? sorry its so long. Im looking forward to replys. thanks a bunch
sincerely, Hailey

[Origami]

I understand what you're saying. I'm not all in to self-harm, I've only cut myself 5-6 times really, so not really avid there. But believe me when I say this, if you sit around waiting for someone who is used to self-harm, you might end up 80yrs old and alone. But if you take a step out and maybe give some of those guys who you think don't understand, you might be surprised how accepting they are. And besides, if he really is the one, he WILL accept you for who you are, he wouldn't want you to change. Your scars will just be another reason for him to love you. [I know this to be true.]
Don't be so scared of being judged, we all get judged regardless of who we are, regardless of what we do, or what we've done, regardless of family heritage, regardless of religion, regardless of gender, regardless of our friends. It happens, it's part of life, but they're only words, they can hurt, but you can always find that special someone who can rush them all away.
So again, don't be so bottled up, give someone a chance ya know? (: I promise you someone will understand you even if they've never self-harmed.

[Sunshine Girl]

wow.
so i totally get what you mean, and its like you read my mind! weirdness :]
but yeah, i couple of people have asked me out. but i always turn them down.
im always scared they would be mean and not understanding XD
but what do you do?
idk.
if you get any advice pass it along
(:

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

well...I have dated someone who self harms....and even though I hadn't done it at the time....I did understand what he was going through...and I never judged him because of his scars...It just made me love him all the more...

[MysticalBurrito]

I understand how you feel...
I always think I'm never going to to find that special someone and I'm never going to probly
it just makes me nervous about finding that someone falling in love with them then them finding out and dumping me :(
thats why I never go out with people ever that much i never get asked out because my scars
it just makes me wish i never started.....

[Bluearmy]

You should stop hurting yourself as soon as possible.

[DecemberRain]

Thank you everybody for your replies. It hepled a lot.

[Origami]

Thank you everybody for your replies. It hepled a lot.

Yup yup, that's what we're all here for. :D
That and because we have nothing better to do than waste our lives away inside on a computer. :)
PM me if you need someone to talk to. God knows I really have no life. :D

[Jman35]

If you block yourself off from everyone, how can they help or understand you? Life is nothing without a little bit of risk, nothing is ever going to work out perfectly, and who knows, maybe the guy will flip out about the scars and be a dick, OR, maybe he'll be the perfect guy for you and completely understand you.

In my opinion, you should be more open.

[ErykaInspire.]

I used to be a cutter/burner/overdoser for 2 years (just recently got into overdosing 6months ago... luckily i'm over that). I know from experience that walking down the hall with your hair in your face, sleeves pulled over your hands, and arms crossed, people WILL judge you. And because you're not willing to open up and TALK to someone about what's going on in your head, they won't understand you. You have to take a step out of the shell and let people see who you really are. Make them listen to you. Sure, you cut yourself, that doesn't mean you're a failure at life, it means that you had problems that you just couldn't cope with. As of dating wise.. you WILL find someone.. trust me(:
It truly is another reason for someone to love you. "If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.". There'll be people that look at you differently, but give them time, as they get used to it they'll come around.
You're from Rochester, NY? That's pretty close to me. PM me sometime and I'll give you my number, we can text. (we're in the same area code, and don't worry, i'm not a 70yr old fat man that's going to show up at your house XD) <3
PM me if you ever need to talk. Cutting is addicting and life changing.. for me, it helped me become someone better, stronger.

~Eryka

[dstnyisurs]

Lots of people understand... someone who doesn't self harm can be equally as great. There are lots of nice understanding people out there. Just take a step out, and try to pay no mind to those scars. Any person who won't love you because of them isn't worth your time.