Possible Relapse? :/

[ErykaInspire.]

I'm afraid that my anorexia/bulimia is coming back..
Lately I haven't been eating breakfast, minimal/no lunch, and very small dinner..
when i do try to eat alot.. it makes me sick :/

My mom won't take me to the doctor and i'm kind of afraid to ask her again..
We're pretty tight on money and we're still behind on my past medical bills :/

Does anyone have any advice? Something I can do at home that could help? :/

[EverlostPoet]

not really sure... but i have stomach cancer and i normally dont eat as much anymore i sometimes have to force myself so if you have to, Force yourself to eat.
sorry if icant help

[ErykaInspire.]

I can't, it makes me throw up :/
Last time I had this.. my stomach acid rejected itself and the lining of my stomach started to decay.. It's horrible..

and how come... you never told me about cancer? omg... how's it going?

[EverlostPoet]

um yeah BTW dont eat grease IE: bacon etc.. cause thats how i got some ulcers which somehow lead to Cancer.

Last time I had this.. my stomach acid rejected itself and the lining of my stomach started to decay..

thats how i got ulcer.

[ErykaInspire.]

eh... :/
I don't want cancer >.< heh

[EverlostPoet]

its like once you get an ucler like a 1%percent cance..but still i turned out to be that 1% T_T

[ErykaInspire.]

oh... well... I'm not sure what to say. lol

[sienna.]

well you need to ask your mum.
because honey you don't want to end up i hospital like me.

that is exactly what happened to me.
i made myself thrw up, the i burt away my stomach lining away.

so when that special occasion came where i did actually ate, my body couldn't even keep it down.

you need to ask your mum for help.
and what you need to do, is find some form of food that your body will be able to handle.
and eat that for now.
until your body gets use to food.
then keep adding more different foods.

my body couldn't handle it.
and i have a feeding tube in my stomach.
and i kept throwing up, until my body could handle food again...

[ErykaInspire.]

My mom can't afford to take me to the doctors again :/
We have over 20grand in medical bills because of me.
Cutting, eating disorders, chronic depression, therapy, and my migraine disease. Plus I got hit in school by a guy and he busted my knee. So.. eh..

I can keep crackers, water, grapes, and a few pretzels down.
Is that enough?
But I still dry heave and idk what to do about that :/

[ShatteredWings]

no. not really enough.
but if that's all you can keep down, then it's better than nothing.

are you able to lay dwon? sometmies that can help.

[ErykaInspire.]

Yeah, actually I have to lay down alot. I get nauseated after I eat and can't stand up much. It doesn't really help all that much, though.

[BuryYourFlame]

im sorry eryka...i cant really relate to what you are goin through...but i will offer what i can...someone to talk to :) i am here if you ever need me :)

[ErykaInspire.]

Thank you, hun. That means alot to me(:
I appreciate it alot<3

[xGreenling]

Keep trying. In many cases, a patient's body can 'remember' the eating disorder for years afterwards, and sometimes that can come unexpectedly to the surface. If it's just the physical side and not the emotional, i.e. if you don't want to lose weight/not eat/throw up, then just keep taking it slow and gradually increase the amount you can eat to a healthy level.

[TigerLily]

Eryka, we are all here for you!!
And I hope everything starts to get better.. I really do...
Seriously.. anytime you feel like talking, just send me a PM or we can talk on msn or something.. I just think it sucks to go thru stuff alone, y'know?
All the best,
Rachel :)

[ErykaInspire.]

Last night was torture :/
My mom made a big dinner because it was my brothers last night at home before he went to work for his grandpa in Ohio (we live in NY) and my mom MADE me eat everything.. I didn't throw up, which is a good sign.. but I had very sharp pains in my lower stomach and it hurt like hell to move.. this morning it only hurts if I sit up straight.. so ughh.

and Thank you, Rachel, you know i'm always here for you, too<3

[AutumnDae]

Those sharp pains could have been from eating TOO much. I know after parties with my friends (which basically means there is food on the table, we eat nonstop) I feel sick and get a stomach ache, probably the stomach is too full?

And I'm here to talk if you ever need someone. I'm a good listener. :)

[TigerLily]

Last night was torture :/
My mom made a big dinner because it was my brothers last night at home before he went to work for his grandpa in Ohio (we live in NY) and my mom MADE me eat everything.. I didn't throw up, which is a good sign.. but I had very sharp pains in my lower stomach and it hurt like hell to move.. this morning it only hurts if I sit up straight.. so ughh.

and Thank you, Rachel, you know i'm always here for you, too<3

I'm so sorry to hear that Eryka.. but try and focus on the positive, you didn't throw up which is a VERY GOOD THING :hug:
And thankyou too :)

[ErykaInspire.]

Ah.. yeah it is a good thing. But autumn, it wasn't an average stomach ache, it was more of like.. right below my stomach/above my bladder
And my stomach is kinda pissing me off :/ it keeps growling then I feel like i'm gunna throw up, then I hiccup. Ugh!
This is getting highly annoying.. >.<

But i'm going to try to eat something for breakfast, toast maybe? It's bread so it shouldn't make my stomach to react to badly..

And thank you, Autumn. I'm here for you, too <33

[AutumnDae]

Yeah, try eating a little bit. Not too much though. Take it slow.

[ErykaInspire.]

kay, thank you. I'm sorry if this thread was an inconvenience. I was just kinda flipping out on myself, hehe.
I appreciate you guys for the help(: Thank you, again.
<3

[Triceratops]

I think everything I want to say has already been said.
But I hope everything works out for you, I really do. I know how horrible these things are, they're living nightmares and even when you've overcome them some of the thoughts and habits that are attached to these eating disorders will come crawling back to us from time to time.

If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here. I know everyone generally says that but I'm currently struggling/recovering from bulimia and have done for 4 and a half years now so I understand what it's like.
I really hope you can break through this. <3

[ErykaInspire.]

Thank you, Marcie, and i'm here for you, too. Just PM me. We seem to have alot of the same problems. We could definitely help eachother through alot of it.
<33

[PrincessSarey]

I can relate to much of what you've said.

In reality, the dinner you ate was most likely a normal sized portion, but because your stomach is most likely quite small at the moment, that would explain why it's too much for it - you need to eat again and do it gradually so your stomach can get back to it's original size.

It's very good you're battling back, it's a very bumpy, difficult road, but it's possible to recover, and if that is what you are aiming for, I wish you goodluck.

[ErykaInspire.]

Thank you, Sarey.
I've been through this before, and i know it's possible, but it's just hard when you eat and your stomach rejects it automatically..

Now, what I don't understand.. is that I havn't been anorexic/bulimic in.. over a year and a half.. why is it coming back now?

[PrincessSarey]

I know it's hard, I suffer from acid reflux amoung other things right now and I totally understand how that feels. It's awful and painful but to get through this, you do need to eat, it will get better, you just gotta be persistant.

Relapses happen. Sometimes for no reason at all... they just happen sometimes. But that's okay, as I said, it's a bumpy road. One of which will be flawed - it isn't about being perfect in this, all that matters is you try.

~~~~~Hugs~~~~~

[ErykaInspire.]

Thank you.. and I am trying. Quite hard, actually. I just don't want to push my body to its limit

:hug3:

[PrincessSarey]

Of course, that's completely understandable, which is why eating gradually and slowly will be much easier on your body. Perhaps things like soup, fruit, toast, cereal and such are good places to begin? Whenever I feel I can't handle much, I usually have something light but also very nutritional too, so you're at least getting something.

If you want any support, or understanding, or even a hug, (or maybe all of the above!), do feel free to PM me.

Keep posting - we're here.

[ErykaInspire.]

Toast, crackers, grapes, and low-sodium pretzles are what work for me

and I'll definitely keep you in mind, I'm here for you too if you ever need anything

Thank you, very much<3

[PrincessSarey]

It's something, brilliant work on eating, it's ever so hard, but you're doing well by the looks of it hun, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Maybe when you feel you can take the next step up, try and have something bigger, or have a bit more than what you usually have, it'll really help work your stomach muscles back up again and it'll help with the sickness after eating.

Now I must sound like a broken record, repeating myself, lol.

Take care, and remember - we're here, so don't be afraid to post.

[ErykaInspire.]

You don't have to worry about repeating yourself(:

Granted, it started back up just a few days ago so my stomach hasn't shrunk to much.. it's just rejecting everything all of a sudden. I'm not sure.. i'm going to go to the nurse and maybe she can get the doctor in if I explain my financial loss?
Bleh.. idk.
But I love all you guys, Thank you for helping<3

[PrincessSarey]

It would have still been shrinking, and that can cause nausea and rejection, from my experience anywho. But that sounds like a good idea, if there is something else going on, it needs to be seen too, I hope the nurse goes well hun.

*cuddles*

[ErykaInspire.]

Thank you, hun(:

*cuddles*