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tomm
May 15th, 2009, 09:15 AM
Well, i'm brazillian, discovered this site yesterday, while masturbating... --'
I'm 17, and so, dunno if there's some kind of problem with posting here, i don't see myself as a puberty guy anymore. :X

At first, for you to understand and make sure you have all the details, i'll tell my (sexual) life story. Sorry for any english gramatical error, but i'm not used to use it in a text like this. xD

Well, my first sexual experience was in the elementary school, with a boy. I was like... 5~6 years old. It was nothing like oral or anal sex, and many would say it was completely innocent. We used to kiss (in the face and "like married people", like we used to say) and touch penis with penis (yeah, it was already hard. I dunno if it's normal at that ange. But, nevermind...). After i left elementary school, i never saw him again.
I dunno if because i had a absent father (he was always working, besides, he's a wonderfull person), i was always in the middle of womans. I grew very... GAY. I was very effeminated.
When i was 9~10 years old, i started to like a girl. I think it's normal.
My uncle (he's 4 years older than me, and was in the middle of puderty that time) was the first person i told i liked her, and he said he would help me teaching me things, like masturbating, but sometimes, we gone to the "wrong" side, almost doing blowjobs in each other. It never happened, though. I think that was my second sexual experience.
In the end of that year, we moved to another town, i was 10~11, in the 5th grade. in that time, i discovered how to masturbate, all by myself, i have never seen any porn. And, i started to do stuff with my brother. He's 3 years younger than me. We frequently masturbated in the same room, and once i did a blowjob in him. In the same year, i touched my friends penis, but it was only kidding.
When i got back from my family's town at age 11~12, i kinda masturbated every day, several times a day (i used to spend half of an hour in bath xD). In that year, only for once, i masturbated in the room with my uncle. Nothing i should worry, right? Sometimes my parents cought me on bath, but they never sayd to me it was wrong.
In the next year, at age 12~13, i tryed to do sexual stuff mith my brother, but that time, my dad saw us, and told my mother, we had a big fight, and i never done anything with him again.
In the same year, i went to my friends house, with another guy of the school, to make a homework togheter. We was looking for "antique greece'', and porn poped up, in google images, of a woman in a greek columm. We spent the rest of the afternoon seeing porn, but not masturbating.
In the other day, he said he found his dad's porn DVD, and invited me and the other guy to come over. I was alone with him, the other guy had not arrived yet, and we started to watch. Suddendly, he said he "could not take much longer", and masturbated in front of me. I did the same, and after the other guy arrived, i done it several times in the bathroom.
And the next years, i don't remember anything besides masturbation, sometimes whitout reason, just because i wanted.
But, then, at age 15, i went to another school, where there was swimming class, and, obviously, bath. I started to frequently watch my friends penises while they where naked changing, and masturbated in home thinking about that.
Then, i started to feel weird. I didn't saw any fun in girl~on~girl action anymore, and i noted i was paying more atention in the penis than in the vagina while seeing porn. I was freaking viciated in hentai mangas.
In the comming year, age 16, i discovered "shotacon", a tipe of hentai, that involves boys of age 9~14, only with boys. But i found it disgusting, and felt unconfortable with what i done after getting the orgasm. Besides, i kept sawing it.
Loonkig for more hentai, i discovered "straight shotacon", another tipe of hentai, that involves boys from age 9~14 and girls/womans, from ages older than 9. I was kinda viciated in that, but, again, i noted i was paying more atention in the penis than in the vagina or boobs.
I want to make clear one thing: I was virgin, but i had some girls until then, some i liked, some i kissed, but never had any sexual experience with girls. I'm not affeminated like before, i try to control myself all the time.
In the next year, age 17, the thing that made me post here happened. I started to masturbate while seeing gay porn. But not only gay... Gay porn with underage and teenagers. Some site only use models with childish face, but after you enter, you see they're already grow up, but some don't. They present the guy with 18+, but you can actually see they're childs. I hate myself after masturbating, frequently, after getting in the orgasm, i turn off the pc. It's beem 6 months since i started seeing and searching that kind of porn, and i'm kinda worried of becoming a weirdo or pervert in the future. I realized that, if instead of gay, if they had porn with boys and girls (underage...) i would accept more than gay porn.

I don't now what to think anymore. I like seeing then, but i'm always looking for straight porn with underage boys (probably because i'm virgin and wanted to do sex long time ago?).
OBS: When i masturbate, i frequently think in the afternoon i saw my friend masturbating, i start imagine doing sex with him. I can't say i don't enjoy it, and it's the same if i imagine doing sex with a girl.

I think i told you everything. I never searched for professional help, but i'm desparated with the possibility of becoming... Dunno, a pedo? A weirdo?
I dunno what i am, if i'm straight or bi. I don't imagine myself having anal sex with guys, but i always imagine me doing blowjobs, so i don't think i'm gay. I like a girl (not corresponded), so i think i'm still at least "half" straight.

Please, i never talked about this with anyone, because of the shame, i think.
I hope you can help me.

I realized i'm starting to enjoy watching this pedo stuff, but i do n't want to like it. Now that i'm saygin this to someone, i feel really scared.

Sorry for the long text, but i wanted to say all at once. If you have any questions, i'll come again tonight, to see if somebody answered.

*Please avoid double-posting, thanks :)*

mexa
May 15th, 2009, 10:43 AM
Gosh...im pretty much like you...just minus the experiences and all. Well i try to limit myself since uhm...my dad caught me once u.u. I do what i can to keep my mind off it, mostly non stop videogames which isnt healthy but i dont really wanna risk my dad seein me do that again, he'd prolly kill me this time >.<. Only advice that i can think of right now is: keep your mind off it as much as you can

Donkey
May 15th, 2009, 12:12 PM
OK. This post can be shortened: "I masturbate to gay porn with minors acting, what can I do about this?" None of the other details were required at all, and stories are against the rules.

Now, paedophilia can be considered a mental illness. Whether you have it or not is something completely different,

Listen to me. You HAVE to delete that porn off your computer. It is illegal and could get you fined by a LOT of money, as well as a criminal record. Stay OFF those websites. Pornography is fine, however child pornography is not. You should just watch 18+ gay porn, if you have to. Seriously. You don't want this kind of stuff.

Sugaree
May 15th, 2009, 12:40 PM
The only thing that you can do, is what Jon said, and delete all of your cookies and history off of your computer. DO NOT VISIT UNDERAGE PORN SITES. It will give you a criminal record if you are caught and will result in a big fine of money. You should only watch porn, either gay or straight, with actors that are over the age of 18. That's all I can say.

tomm
May 15th, 2009, 01:05 PM
Well, i just can say tnx. (:
I think i was in need of hear/listem this from someone, besides i always knew that.

Sorry for the long post, i just tought it would be necessary.

From now on, i'll try to use this fórum for any doubt, and try to help anyway i can.

Sugaree
May 15th, 2009, 01:33 PM
The long post wasn't really needed. One of our rules for this forum is no sexual stories. But that's ok, I'll just report the post and a mod will come and clean it up :)

Kaleidoscope Eyes
May 15th, 2009, 01:50 PM
Like everyone else said, stay away from sites where you suspect the actors are actually underage. It's not good to support that sort of thing by adding hits to the site, and you don't want to get caught with that kind of stuff on your computer. There's nothing wrong with sites where the actors LOOK young, but are definitely 18 or 19. If you have trouble staying away, maybe try getting into the hentai a little more. It's illustrated, there are no real people in it, so I don't think it qualifies as child porn (to be sure, maybe google the laws in your area, see if it counts as illegal).

Pedophilia/Paedophilia has a lot of definitions, it varies, but the medical diagnosis is "a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children". In law enforcement, it refers to sexual crimes against children, so child molestation. Prepubescent means before hitting puberty; before the child is sexually mature.

The main thing to focus on, I think, is avoiding sites with prepubescent boys, and try to stick to sites where you are pretty dayng positive that the actors are all consenting adults. This keeps you out of trouble with the law, and may make you feel a little better about your habits. The other thing to do, is to make sure you separate fantasy from reality. It's ok to look at porn with young-looking actors, but actually engaging in sexual relations with a child (prepubescent) is considered molestation. With a friend who happens to be a minor still, it's statutory rape if their parents find out and want to press charges (but not considered pedophilia). Pedophiles don't have to be child molesters, and you're not going to become one just because you like this sort of porn. Your tastes may even change in the future.

There IS treatment for this kind of thing. It would most likely involve cognitive therapy, a type of psychotherapy where you work with a psychologist to change the way you think. Basically, a way of changing thoughts that bother you or are a problem socially. It's not repressing them, or learning to ignore them, it's honestly a way of changing your behavior and feelings via your thoughts. Cognitive therapy is often used to help self-esteem issues, depression, anxiety, a variety of psychological disorders. It could be beneficial to you if you wanted to give it a try and, as long as you're not abusing a child, the therapist is bound to doctor/patient confidentiality. Worth a shot if you're really concerned.

[/epic post] Sorry, I know I ramble sometimes. :whoops:

Boys Puberty :arrow: Teen Sexuality

Astrayed
May 16th, 2009, 02:24 PM
Just to butt in here.. In my understanding it is illegal to watch underage children, But Shotacon is not real, It's a cartoon, So does that therefore mean it is legal? Just wandering is all :)

I went through a stage like you where I had somehow found these websites, My dad caught me and told me as it's his internet he will be the one who gets done for it, I then stopped, I completely understand what your going through tho, Your experiences have led to your sexuality and such, I am the same. The guilt you are feeling is what many people get after masturbation so it's just been worstened, In future just stay away from the sites and go for twinks or something. The fact is your still going through puberty, Emotionally anyway and this has led to the porn, Your only 17, Your still young and it's bound to happen as your exploring new territory, You found something you like so it will be hard to give it up, But you can! You just have to stop yourself and control your turn on's :) Good luck to you :)

xSayyx
May 16th, 2009, 07:47 PM
well babe, im pretty sure you're bisexual. Even though im a girl i had similar thoughts and all tht stuff but flipped.
And i dnt think ur going to become a pedo or anything. Its more your mind just focusing on the sex and body parts then it is the fact that they are little kids.

But since it is a big worry, try different porn sites that you know are only going to show adults. This way you dont have to worry about the thoughts of underage kids having sex andall.
But also since you've wanted to have sex so long, that can contribute.
And dont be ashamed, things like this happen to people everyday. And many times a lot worse.
=)

tomm
May 18th, 2009, 11:21 AM
Well, peoples, thanks a lot! ^^

In the past week, i was watching this kind of porn almost everyday, but now, after i asked for help here, everytime i'm going to even think about it, i remember of the suffering and shame that guys have to go through... That's sad, and something MUST be done to get it over.
I decided to test myself, to figure out if i am or if i'm not bissexual. I've talked to some friends, and internet buddys... They all gave me the best support i could have, and a friend told me he had the same doubt about his sexuality. I wonder if the next time i see him, both of us will make a decision (He's from another city, i see him a couple times in the year.)... xDD

Well, tnx to everybody who had the pacience to read that HUGE post, and helped me. I'll do my best to give the same help and respect to anyone with problens that i can help.

And be sure i'll let you all know when i make a decision. ;D

PS: Long post, AGAIN, after all... :X