I can't fight it anymore

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I can't take it anymore. In my mind and heart I know that cutting is wrong and that I shouldn't do it. But I don't know any other way to deal with things anymore. I am so pissed off right now...and I am really stressed and overwhelmed with things...and my best friend just said something that really hurt me. Me and her have never gotten in a fight before...but it's looking like were in one right now...I can't take this if my my best friend is going to do this to me what is live even worth living anymore.

[Oblivion]

Cut a pillow. Cut a piece of wood. Splash water on your face. Take a shower. Drink something. Eat something yummy. Get your mind off whatever is bothering you, and resist the temptation. It's bad for you and those you love, and you know that. You can resist the urges. You're a fighter, and giver-upper.

:hug:

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I can't even put into words how I feel right now..but it sucks...

[Oblivion]

You'll be OK. Think about happy things, things in the future. Encourage yourself to fight hard, so things that make yourself proud. Even if it feels like it, you aren't alone.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Well my best friend hates me...she's the only reason I have even made it this far...and she's giving up on me...and I think I am just going to cry the rest of the night...I don't want to cut and crying might be the one thing that will make me feel better right now

[Oblivion]

Cry!
Crying is meant to release to sadness, so use it!

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I can't hardly breath I am crying so hard...I really am surprised my sister hasn't woken up from me crying yet...me and her share a room...

[lesher]

If you die, there will be someone mourning you. Your friend, family, and yes, maybe your best friend too...

If you do that, your best friend will feel very guilty about giving up on you, and will be regretful on the future... You don't want your best friend's life to be like that, right?

No matter what, friendship (especially best friends) wasn't came from days, but years!! I believe that your best friend will regret her own action (sooner or later) because she lost her best friend (I mean YOU) already, so don't kill yourself, okay?

Also : PM me if you don't understand what I mean in this post. I try to write this as best as I can, but my English isn't so good...

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

My best friend and I are good now. We talked this morning. Both of us were just not in a good mood at all. She didn't mean to hurt me and I never mean to hurt her...
You know how many people would feel guilty if I killed myself...my parents, my siblings, my youth pastor and youth group leaders,teachers, friends. ex-boyfriend. A lot of people would feel guilty even though this death would never have been any of their faults. That's how I feel. I feel guilty for my aunt and uncle's death. I feel like I could have done something more.

[lesher]

See? Best friends are just like that. Impossible to be broken :D

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Yeah well it's killing her to see me like this. So I understand why she would be mad at me. I just need a friend right now.

[lesher]

Yeah well it's killing her to see me like this
I'm sorry for asking this, but what do you exactly by "this"? Can't help without knowing what's the problem, right?
But if you don't want to tell, that's also okay, I still respect others privacy ;). But at least give some hint :)

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I'm sorry for asking this, but what do you exactly by "this"? Can't help without knowing what's the problem, right?
But if you don't want to tell, that's also okay, I still respect others privacy ;). But at least give some hint :)

Well what I mean by "this" is that she hates seeing me sad and so frustrated and so depressed. She hates seeing me so not myself. The old Heidi used to smile and laugh at almost anything...sometimes for no reason at all, however right now the Heidi she sees is depressed, isolating herself, and having a really hard time. She hates seeing me so unhappy

[lesher]

So... What exactly make you unhappy?

I believe, she does that "hate" thing because she cares and loves you...

[inlove]

hmm find another stimulus.. i used to cut myself for a short time.. but played guitar and worked out wen i felt the urge so find another stimulus something u love to do such as drawing etc. good luck.. pm me if u need to talk.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

well lesher...I don't know exactly what makes me unhappy. I don't know the exact thing...that's why I think counseling will help me figure out that exact thing...I am not sure if this is from grief...a rough transition...or just something...I don't know...
and I know my friend cares a lot. She would never do that to me unless she did.

inlove....I have tried finding another stimulus...but it's hard because sometimes one things works for awhile and then it changes. It's hard...but I know I need to find something else...something else to keep me from cutting

[inlove]

well lesher...I don't know exactly what makes me unhappy. I don't know the exact thing...that's why I think counseling will help me figure out that exact thing...I am not sure if this is from grief...a rough transition...or just something...I don't know...
and I know my friend cares a lot. She would never do that to me unless she did.

inlove....I have tried finding another stimulus...but it's hard because sometimes one things works for awhile and then it changes. It's hard...but I know I need to find something else...something else to keep me from cutting

if the stimulus you enjoy is to cut.. and not the blood pain numbness; and all that good stuff u could always cut objects... like sticks and stuff.. or so ive heard that works but i have diff stimuluses for diff times.. it just depends on the mood so try to asssign one for each mood... such as one that makes u feel better when sad.. another mad.. another stressed.. another depressed.. you get what im saying??:what:

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Yeah I get what your saying...that's a good idea. Or at least make a list of ideas and then whenever I feel really bad...like cutting I could go down the list until I find something that works.

[inlove]

Yeah I get what your saying...that's a good idea. Or at least make a list of ideas and then whenever I feel really bad...like cutting I could go down the list until I find something that works.

great idea =] glad i could help you.. and always remember ur LOVED! that helps me:)

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I don't really give myself a lot of credit...for how strong I really am..I am stronger than I think I am...I don't hear that I am loved...hardly ever...

[lesher]

I know, giving credit and appreciating ourselves is not an easy thing actually... But think, everyone always has advantage and disadvantage of their own.. Right? Try to appreciate yourself, it's not always disadvantage in yourself....

And the fact is, there is always people care about you, whoever he/she is. I know that after I left my religion (yeah, this is bad story), but at least I was wrong about judging myself for "nobody care about me" thing. How do I know? Because they suddenly gave reaction (I mean like, surprised), even though I wasn't famous at school or anywhere I am...

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I can't fight this anymore....

[lesher]

I believe you can, everybody can, and you also can! Trust in yourself!

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I don't trust myself anymore...

[lesher]

Hmm... Why not? Care to tell why?

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I don't trust myself because I gave in to cutting last week..something I would normally never even think about doing...

[lesher]

Even if you gave in to cutting, doesn't mean that you are a loser and can't trust yourself.

I believe it's because your emotion is unstable at that moment (if you can still post and seek for advice, that proofs that you are not a failed person and still can be helped), that drives you to do something wrong, such as cutting yourself... Not many people success at first try on doing something, they need to try several, or even many times.

For example : Thomas Alfa Edison, the one who invented the light bulb. He try and failed his experiment around thousand times, but he doesn't give up at all. If he had given up, maybe our world is clouded in darkness...

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

My emotions are so unstable at the moment...one moment I can be positive...and okay...the next I am negative and I just can't take it anymore. one minute I'm crying and the next I am laughing..it's horrible...I can't take so many ups and downs...

[lesher]

Hmm... Emotion stability problem, eh? Well... I got the same problem (I tend to get angry without clear reason)

I believe you need to think positive or do something that you really enjoy. My emotion are usually stable everytime I do that... Well, what I really trying to say is : Whenever you're feeling down, try to take out your feeling by doing "something" (it depends on yourself. For me, playing games or designing graphics does the tricks)

[Bluearmy]

It's really quite simple.

DONT CUT YOURSELF! IF YOU DON'T WANT TOO, YOU WONT.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

But it really isn't that simple...you can say that but I may have no conntrol over whether I cut really...I get what your saying but it is not just that simple for some people.

[lesher]

Well, Bluearmy sure got some points in his/her post...

Yeah, it seems not simple, maybe even hard, but come on, you need to try! And always remember, lose/fail doesn't mean you're a loser. But if you give up, then you will surely never success...

I believe that you want to stop cutting and be proud of yourself, so go for it!! I know you can do it!!!
Just never give up, because that's what most important

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Well I am not giving up...yeah there are days when it's hard and I would just as soon rather give up but I can't give up...this life has so much to offer, so much to explore yet. Yeah sure things can be hard at times but it's what makes the good days even sweeter...I'm not going to lie...there are some really really tough days..when there is nothing more that I want to do than cut...those are the days when I need the most encouragement...I really do want to stop cutting...I want to get better...cause I can't keep living this life that I'm living...it just won't work. I know I can do this...when things get bad though I have a hard time believing in myself...

[lesher]

Just remember this, "never give up whatever the situation is" those are my principles. Hope it helps :)

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I am fighting this and I am going to win! I am getting better step by step. I am going to counseling now...and I am getting the help that I need. So I feel a little more motivated to do things now. I am trying things to help me deal with the stress...I think being told that I had to draw or write for 30 minutes everyday just helped me a lot. It's something I can enjoy doing and it's something to look forward to everyday whether or not I am having a bad day or good. So it's really great...Counseling is doing wonders for me.

[lesher]

I am fighting this and I am going to win!
That's the spirit! :D

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

But here I am slowly giving in...

[Zazu]

But here I am slowly giving in...

Just try so hard not to, try and keep strong, everyone here on VT will help support you through what sounds like a pretty bad time that you're going through.

You might feel like the only thing you can do some days is cut, but you seem like a strong enough person to beat this temptation. Stress can do a lot of things to your mind, and can quite often lead on to depression. It might seem like cutting is the only answer but it isn't; sometimes just ranting out your problems to someone or finding some other way of relieving stress (I think you mentioned drawing / writing for 30 mins a day) can help a lot more than giving in to cutting.

You said that you are fighting this and that you are going to win; well you are :) Don't let the depression / stress get the better of you, however hard it is try to stay positive through these times, if you ever need to have a rant or just a chat to someone new you can always add me on msn :)

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I really appreciate what you said...It helped a lot. Thanks :)