Mom being nosy

[Sugaree]

So, I've come around to a bit of a problem. For the past two weeks or so, my mother has been sticking her nose in my bussiness for what seems to be no reason at all. Everytime I'm on the computer, she has to stand behind me and see what I'm doing. If I'm on my keyboard, she'll unplug it and tell me to do something else when I just started playing it.

For the past week or so, she's just randomly stormed into my room without knocking and telling me about the faults in my room. "Oh my God the paint on your wal is chipped", "Why are there bottles of water and soda in your room!?", "Why is there dirty clothes on the floor!?"

I can't seem to get away from her. Everytime I fix something to eat for lunch, she'll keep nagging me about my weight issues and my problems with eating food. "Why are you eating that?", "Don't you think you should eat something better?", "Can't you just learn how to eat healthy?" I can't. If all you people buy is nothing but fucking junk food, then what do you fucking expect me to fucking eat!?

I've gotten so frustrated with her and on Sunday.......I finally just cracked when she knowingly burst into my room at 7 in the morning. ON A SUNDAY!? FOR GOD'S SAKE, I WANT TO SLEEP IN FOR ONCE! So she continued doing all of the usual nagging and I cracked at her. We got into a huge argument over everything she does to me. We've since made ammends for the argument, but she's still doing it. How do I get her to stop? I've done everything I could. I've told her that I want to be alone for a while and even told her to just stay out of my bussiness (which started the argument).

What do I do?

[Jman35]

Usually, if you tell a parent to stay out of your business, they think your doing something wrong or think you have no rights and no privacy and that they can do whatever they want to you, which they pretty much can, but isn't being respectful.

Maybe proving to your mom that you can eat better and clean your room etc would get her to stop honestly. If you did all of this, she would have nothing to nag about. OR, (I used to have this problem with my mom) she is looking for things to yell at you for. My mom used to do that because she thought I did something I didn't.

[Sugaree]

Well, the problem is, even though I do clean my room, she'll still find some type of fault with it. I don't know why. If she finds a small dog hair on the floor, she'll go nuts over it. As I've said, I can't eat healthy. Everything that is bought for this house, is junk food, and it's rare that anything like veggies or fruits are ever seen in here. The only veggies I've seen, are frozen ones, and those taste just God awful. I prefer fresh food and not something that's been iced.

[AutumnDae]

Why not talk to her about all of this? Just sit down camly, say "Mom, can I talk to you for a sec?" And then say something like "I've been thinking about trying to eat healthier. I want to be healthy. Would it be possible for you to buy some fresh fruits and veggies? Stuff that is easy and quick to grab as a snack. I think if something healthy is there instead of junk food, I will eat it." And if that all goes well then talk to her about your room. Again, calmy just say "Mom, I understand that you are my parent and all, but I am 14. I think I can handle keeping my room tidy enough. If you agree to let me be in charge of that, I will make sure to clean it at least once a week"

[ScotsGirl]

I agree^^ :-) This is what you need to be telling her:

I prefer fresh food and not something that's been iced.

In a nice polite and calm way :-)
If you think it is going to turn into an argument, just walk away and try again later.

The other thing is, parents can often begin to feel... less needed by us as we get older. And sometimes this causes some of them to try and force their parenting on us to reassure themselves that we still need them.
Maybe you could talk to your mum more about other areas of your life so she stays out of those you dont want her to force herself on?

xxxx

[INFERNO]

Many parents may feel unwanted, wanting their kids to be the perfect thing on this planet, stressed out over something unrelated to their kids, etc... . You mentioned it was for the last 2 weeks, so before then, I assume she wasn't as nosy. Did something happen at around that time?

Also, how often do you, without being in a fight, interact with your mother? If it's very little, then this newfound nosiness may be a way for her to interact with you.

About the food thing, as above, tell her nicely or better yet, go shopping with her. Regardless of how often you two spend time together without fighting, this is a great way to have her buy the healthier foods. If you're not interacting with her a lot, then this is a perfect time to do so also.

[Sugaree]

It's not like we fight every day. It's once in a blue moon that we do fight. We have moderate interaction, and I don't see why she would want to be sneaking in on my private bussiness. Thanks for the help guys. I'll try to talk to her next week when she gets back from her trip.

[Jman35]

Well, the problem is, even though I do clean my room, she'll still find some type of fault with it. I don't know why. If she finds a small dog hair on the floor, she'll go nuts over it. As I've said, I can't eat healthy. Everything that is bought for this house, is junk food, and it's rare that anything like veggies or fruits are ever seen in here. The only veggies I've seen, are frozen ones, and those taste just God awful. I prefer fresh food and not something that's been iced.

Maybe, (I had the same problem) she is taking out some concealed anger on you, because she knows you are the one who will not react or just take it.

[Oblivion]

It happens to most people.
Parents want the best for their kids, and when it doesn't happen (dirty clothes on the floor, soda cans lying around, chipped paint, bad eating habits) they try their best to help change it. Sometimes it's not the best way, but their doing it because they care, not for fun.