A mess of emotions

[Joe3140]

I've had a girlfirend, Erin, for about one month now. She wrote me a note yesterday about how she's completely in love with me in every single way, has electric feelings and rushes of love, etc etc. But she thinks that maybe I don't love her the same way...I haven't talked to her about my response to the note yet.

The truth is I don't think I do love her the same way. There isn't the same spark for me, I don't have that huge emotional attraction that comes with love.

As if that isn't a big enough mess itself, I also think I'm bi, maybe even gay. I have a huge crush on one of my best guy friends, Matt. Erin is good friends with him too. As I was reading her note, describing how she loves me and what she feels, I realized that every single thing she wrote applied to how I love Matt. I am just so emotionally attached to him and there's something pulling me to him that is so forceful but unexplainable.

Also, nobody knows I'm bi/gay. Im about 90% sure Matt isn't bi/gay. And I have this big mess on my hands.
Do I just continue with Erin, ensure her that I love her, and hope that as the relationship goes on I fall for her more?
OR do I tell her how I feel for Matt? (that would kinda be akward and heart breaking?)
OR do I tell her and Matt how I feel?

I need some solid advice on what feelings to follow and what to do here. thanks

[Gumleaf]

hmmm, that is quite a mess. my first thoughts here is that you need to think about erin and how you feel about her. why do you like her and how did you come to like her to start with? and then think about whether those things still apply now? by doing that, it will help you to work out how exactly you feel about her now because receiving a note from someone saying they are in love with you can be daunting and freak you out, even if you are already in a relationship.

once you figure out how you feel, thats when you need to take action one way or another. leading erin on isn't a good idea if you aren't totally comitted to keeping your relationship going. so if you come to the conclusion you need to end it, you will have to talk to her. it won't be easy and if she is in love with you, its likely to upset her a lot. but be honest with her. tell her how you feel and how you don't share those same feelings for her anymore. this will be difficult, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

if you decide that you still like her and want to be with her still, i suggest you find things to do together to increase that bond you share and just enjoy eachothers company to grow your relationship. but the important thing here is to figure out your own feelings and respect erin as well. good luck and i hope it all works out for you.