I dont know if it was sexual abuse

[DinoRAWR]

Lately, I keep remembering when I was a kid, like between 4 and 6. My brother used to make me play a mums and dads game. He was only 9 or 10 but he said that mums and dads had to kiss so he would make me make out with him. Then he would make me lie down naked with him and more stuff like that. It went on for months, most nights. I didn't like doing it but loved hanging out with my brother. Eventually, I think he ealized it was wrong ad stopped making me do it.
I'm not sure if it was abuse becuase we were both so young but I keep remembering it and it makes me feel disgusting. Help someone?

[ErykaInspire.]

Seeing how you were both to young to realize what you were doing, I wouldn't exactly consider it abuse. Expecially because he didn't force you or harm you physically.
I suggest you try to forget about it... as hard as it may seem.

My brothers friend had me do stuff with him a few years back. But I don't really.. consider it abuse or harrassment. but eh. Anyways.. if you need to talk, PM me.

[DinoRAWR]

Ok. Thanks for clearing it up.
Thank you :)

[byee]

There's the technical definition of abuse, then there's the personal definition of it. So, whatever you want to call this, it feels uncomfortable for you now.

Little kids play "doctor" or "house" or some variation of them, it's their way of imitating what they see going on around them, it's them copying their role models. And, like you, a lot of kids do it with a mix of curiosity and excitement and ambivalence, and sometimes they do it just b/c they like being with the other person. But mostly, it's sorta innocent, b/c it's not entirely sexual. Unless one or both of you were acting out some sexual abuse you received *elsewhere*. and that, I think, is the distinguishing factor.

In your case, the issue seems to be coming up many years afterwards, and you might want to understand why, what it was about this game that you now find 'disgusting'. If you suspect either you or he were victims of sexual abuse, that could account for your current feelings, and that might require further exploration and treatment. However, if your sense of 'disgust' results from the changed perceptions caused by the sexual awareness of puberty, then you might want to look a bit past that, and see how the relationship with your brother is currently. If you have a relationship that is basically respectful, that's basically OK, then the feelings you have, although real, are probably the result of that change of perspective brought about by puberty.

[DinoRAWR]

There's the technical definition of abuse, then there's the personal definition of it. So, whatever you want to call this, it feels uncomfortable for you now.

Little kids play "doctor" or "house" or some variation of them, it's their way of imitating what they see going on around them, it's them copying their role models. And, like you, a lot of kids do it with a mix of curiosity and excitement and ambivalence, and sometimes they do it just b/c they like being with the other person. But mostly, it's sorta innocent, b/c it's not entirely sexual. Unless one or both of you were acting out some sexual abuse you received *elsewhere*. and that, I think, is the distinguishing factor.

In your case, the issue seems to be coming up many years afterwards, and you might want to understand why, what it was about this game that you now find 'disgusting'. If you suspect either you or he were victims of sexual abuse, that could account for your current feelings, and that might require further exploration and treatment. However, if your sense of 'disgust' results from the changed perceptions caused by the sexual awareness of puberty, then you might want to look a bit past that, and see how the relationship with your brother is currently. If you have a relationship that is basically respectful, that's basically OK, then the feelings you have, although real, are probably the result of that change of perspective brought about by puberty.


Yeah. Well, now, I pretty much hate him. He doesn't do anything really disrespectful but everything about him makes my skin crawl. I dunno why.
Thanks for the help xxx

[Beautiful Obsession]

if he did it now, it wud be abuse, but as you were both so young he prob didnt know what he was doin was wrong. and thought as adults do it its perfectly normal for young children to do it, but whn he was old enuff to know he stoped..

i would worry to much just try and put it behind you x

[Pirate]

My brother did a similar thing to me, except he was 13, and I was 8.
I hate him aswell. Have you ever told your parents? I can't.

x

[CuriousDestruction]

most kids are very curious about the opposite gender, and also want to mimic their parents. from what it sounds like, your brother was just confused.

[Loislane]

I agree with above. I think it was just curiosity. The majority of people are curious at that age.
Try not to worry. However, if anything happens from now on, try talking to you're parents.

[Mekipedia]

Lately, I keep remembering when I was a kid, like between 4 and 6. My brother used to make me play a mums and dads game. He was only 9 or 10 but he said that mums and dads had to kiss so he would make me make out with him. Then he would make me lie down naked with him and more stuff like that. It went on for months, most nights. I didn't like doing it but loved hanging out with my brother. Eventually, I think he ealized it was wrong ad stopped making me do it.
I'm not sure if it was abuse becuase we were both so young but I keep remembering it and it makes me feel disgusting. Help someone?

It's a form of sexual abuse and he was just curious. It's not wrong, actually, it's human sexuality and at the ages of 9-10, humans begin to get "curious" and maybe you were one of the only girls he knew at the time.

He probably realized it was incest later though and his brain went "wew, that's fucked."

[Ripplemagne]

It was sexual abuse, but nothing he can be penalized for. I doubt there was malicious intent in his mind even then. Kids are silly creatures and like Mekipedia said, it's relatively common.

[shelb angs]

and if it was two girls then it was hot.

[The Freed]

Unless they look like YF... Then it isn't...

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

as long as you didn't cum its not sexual abuse


i think that's the law

That is NOT the law. It has nothing to do with whether either party reaches orgasm or not, it's about forcing someone into a sexual act they don't want to do.

And it's not gay if the balls don't touch.

I think this was inappropriate. The OP was asking for genuine advice, and is female (thus, the balls in question don't exist for her).

Also, shelb angs, sexual abuse is still abuse regardless of the gender. Thought I'd clear that up.

[Mekipedia]

That is NOT the law. It has nothing to do with whether either party reaches orgasm or not, it's about forcing someone into a sexual act they don't want to do.

I think this was inappropriate. The OP was asking for genuine advice, and is female (thus, the balls in question don't exist for her).

Also, shelb angs, sexual abuse is still abuse regardless of the gender. Thought I'd clear that up.

1. It was sarcasm. Very hard to tell.

2. It's not inappropriate, actually, it's very common dialect among young people. Don't try to play the FCC and censor our kids and give them sexual/emotional issues when they enter the real world.

3. I believe at least 4 people have cleared that up already. You're just mimicing them.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Ripplemagne, I was only responding to that one post. It was inappropriate because it had nothing to do with the topic, and and I saw it as a little rude. I'm not a mod in this particular forum, but I am a mod on this site and I just don't like to see serious topics being joked about. It discourages kids from posting about their problems because they don't think they'll be taken seriously. No offense was meant.

Mekipedia, I'm not mimicking anyone. I'm sorry if it came off that way.

[shelb angs]

ORLYNAO?
Learn sarcasm if you will please.

and no, it's not sexual abuse. It's called 'kids exploring their sexuality' and a common phase in child development. Its clearly explained in any high school psych class. If you're affected this much by it, I'd try talking to a psychologist to help get over these feelings.

[soggytoast]

That is NOT the law. It has nothing to do with whether either party reaches orgasm or not, it's about forcing someone into a sexual act they don't want to do.



I think this was inappropriate. The OP was asking for genuine advice, and is female (thus, the balls in question don't exist for her).

Also, shelb angs, sexual abuse is still abuse regardless of the gender. Thought I'd clear that up.

in my country cum counts as law

[nick]

Some of you new people need to learn the ways of vt. We try to give people helpful and friendly advice on here. Sometimes with a bit of humour. Answers that are unhelpful or just taking the piss are not appreciated.

In my opinion the OP's experience was certainly very close to abuse. Your brother was quite young and kids do play experimental games, but it sounds as if he was taking advantage of the age gap between you a bit. I can understand why the memory is unpleasant for you, hope you can put it behind you.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Shelb, I realized it was sarcasm. I'm not that thick. xP I was using some sarcasm too, in my response. All I was trying to say is that, sarcasm or not, it's really inappropriate in a thread about legitimate sexual abuse concerns. It minimizes the issue, makes it seem a lot less important or worth taking seriously. I can appreciate a joke as much as the next person, but there is a time and place for jokes like that and I didn't think this was it.

Soggy, I don't know what country you're in, there was no way for me to know that. I apologize for the misunderstanding. I was pointing out that it's not the law everywhere, not shooting you down.

Thank you Nick, for standing up for me a bit here. That's exactly what I've been trying to say, that taking the piss out of a serious concern isn't helpful or appreciated. Jokes are fine, just not in this specific thread. I also agree that, while tis may not ave been abuse in the actual definition of the word, it's still something that Dino is going to have to work through and deal with. Kids are curious, but Dino obviously feels a lot of emotion about it now, and deserves a little support.

[Triceratops]

Some of you newcomers are being extremely disrespectful to a sensitive topic here, and you ought to get your act together and grow the hell up. Let's just hope the OP hasn't taken any offense to some of the disgusting things that have been said here.

If you want to use humour, please do not use it in the Psychiatric Ward forums on this site. That is so not the place for it.

Take this a warning. Thanks.

[Pirate]

I'm reading a book at the moment, recomended to me by another person who was abused, and it's really helpful. It said that if you feel that you were abused, then you probably were. It's all to do with how you feel about it, if you know what I mean. I agree that the boy was probably just curious and had no malicious intent but at the same time, if it's affecting you now then that's the problem. 'Abuse' is such a general term, and in this case may seem harsh to be applied to the situation, but that's what it seems to me..

Basically, like I said, it depends on whether or not it's affecting you now. If you feel that you were taken advantage of as a child, regardless about the other person's age and whatnot (this is about you, not them) then it's something to work through. It just may mean that you don't feel the need to blame or confront them.

I hope that made sense, I was having a hard time phrasing it! PM me if you need to speak about anything or want to know the name of the book. I'm at work at the moment and it's completely slipped my mind! :) x

[Specter]

Honestly buddy, I wouldn’t worry about it to much. When you’re a kid you don’t see things the same. Your brother wasn’t doing that to harm you he was just experimenting. If anything he left comfortable around you so you where the only one he could trust.

I did the same thing when I was a kid however it was with my next door neighbor.

[just-another-guy]

ur brother was just curious so i would have to say don't worry about it and try ur best to forget about it it is most likely going to be hard but if u are having a lot of trouble you might want to talk to some one about it like a councilor or someone they are usually good with this stuff

[YourFriend]

i think that shouldn't be defined as abuse