Confused... Doesn't know what to say or do

[Spunky]

Ok one my good friends came up to me and told me he thinks he did something wrong, real wrong. He told me he spent the night at one of his friends house and they sleeped in the same bed since he had a queen sized bed. He said he was real courious and he was afraid his friend did not feel the same way so he decided to pretend he was asleep until his friend really fell asleep and once he knew he was asleep he said since his friend was in boxers he open the hole in them and placed his hand in his friends boxers to feel him. He said he did this for a while and then he felt the rest of his body. So it leads down to he ask me did he like abuse him or like rape him? I know he asked me because I've told him about being courious and that I had tried things before. I told him that me and my friend had an agreement that we knew what was going to happen, well I guess to put it in better ways we both gave each other the ok to what was about to happen. I told him I really don't know how to answer his question and that I would look into it. So here I am please help because not just that I'm courious, I really care about my friend and want to give him good advice.

[Saphire_Alexi]

I dont consider it rape or anything, since one of my BFFs did that while IO was awake, it was freaky, but its not like she actually DID anything, in THAT way you know. If he didn't really seriously mess around then its not rape, it could be abuse, if the guy doesn't know about it, because then how would he have stopped him? Okay I have kind of bad advice, but Im new here, so thats all Ive personally got.

[Spunky]

Ya that helps, actually that was really good advice

[byee]

Spunky, I'm not sure what I'd call this, but it wasn't actually consensual, they didn't agree to it. His friend was asleep afterall, he wasn't consulted nor did he give his permission. Your friend feels guilty probably b/c he realizes he did something very personal that involved his friend's body without his friends permission or even knowledge. So, although nobody got 'hurt', it's still 'wrong' b/c his friend didn't consent to it. It was, in a word, selfish.

I wouldn't necessarily add to your friends remorse here, but I also wouldn't let him get himself off the hook here, either. Things are 'wrong' not just in extreme cases (like rape, where the person is clearly resisting), but also in more subtle cases where the other person is clealy being taken advantage of, even if no one technically get's hurt, b/c they're asleep. Ethical behavior transends such things as the awareness of the other person, or the actual pain and suffering the action causes.

I'd tell your friend that what he did was wrong, that guilt is an appropriate feeling for him to have, and that he should exercise greater self control in the future.

[Bluearmy]

Spunky, I'm not sure what I'd call this, but it wasn't actually consensual, they didn't agree to it. His friend was asleep afterall, he wasn't consulted nor did he give his permission. Your friend feels guilty probably b/c he realizes he did something very personal that involved his friend's body without his friends permission or even knowledge. So, although nobody got 'hurt', it's still 'wrong' b/c his friend didn't consent to it. It was, in a word, selfish.

I wouldn't necessarily add to your friends remorse here, but I also wouldn't let him get himself off the hook here, either. Things are 'wrong' not just in extreme cases (like rape, where the person is clearly resisting), but also in more subtle cases where the other person is clealy being taken advantage of, even if no one technically get's hurt, b/c they're asleep. Ethical behavior transends such things as the awareness of the other person, or the actual pain and suffering the action causes.

I'd tell your friend that what he did was wrong, that guilt is an appropriate feeling for him to have, and that he should exercise greater self control in the future.


I agree completely. If someone thinks they did something wrong, they most likely did.

What your freind did was (using a strong word here) rape him. Something like rape, though he didn't ubersexytime him, touching his parts is still against some law out there. Besides that, it is imoral. It would be diffrent if that person knew, but yet again, he didn't.

Think if someone had did that to you...

[DrkZ90]

It was probably wrong, but not immoral or illegal or anything... he did it out of curiosity, and nobody got hurt... he shouldn't do that again without asking...

Just let him experiment with you next time lol