I need it. Now.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

Its been four months since the hospital.
and four months since i've cut.
i've dont really well,
haven't craved often at all.
and even when i do i'm realistic about the fact that i dont want to.

but tonight,
its tough.
i've been scratching my stomach, not cutting,
for about 30 minutes
contemplating it,
i dont want to hurt my boyfriend.
and to be honest thats the only thing thats keeping me from it.

but it hurts.
I have so much pain right now.
i need to realse it.
i need to hurt physically.

the need for it
has never gone away
i've just been pushing it away
its been building up
to the point now that i dont know what to do in this moment.
I need the pain.
i NEEEDDD the blood more.
i need to see it.

I'm staring at this razor.
and i know i shouldn't.
But i dont think i can hold out the hole night.

[Axellance]

you need to talk to someone asap, what is making you feel the need to cut. What is wrong?? Think about healthier ways to calm yourself...im here to talk...stay strong...don't do this get thru the night...i know you can just like the last...120 nights...think rationally...