telling someone about my cutting!

[Tankgirlpookie]

Hi,

well recently i have been thinking about telling a kind of friend its hard to explain so this is it in cliff notes
im 16 my mums a vicar she got a new post at a church and i started attending this church i became friends with this woman whos 43 years old she has had a hell of a past and she started trying to help me, i basicly never talked about my past to anyone not even family and i always ALWAYS kept people at arms length. so she convinced me and i made the biggest mistake to actually start talking to her i told her about my dad (whos violent) and about other things thats happened to me things i hadn't told my mum and then i told her about my cutting i would tell her everytime i would do it and i think she was supporting me so we set aside and evening where we kind of chatted and i ended up telling my mum everything i had told tracey in this one evening and i even start to improve my cutting i had stopped for about 3 weeks because of her! now recently our relashionship has broken down we arnt talking because we had sevral arguments she told some else everything i had told her betraying my trust.......shes now clinicly depressed and splitting from her husband and i can barely make eye contact with her when i see her! soooo i KNOW that i cant tell her im cutting again .....at least i dont think.....and i just wanted someone else to give me perspective on this .....Just to tell me no
because i know it would be selfish of me to tell her that im cutting again

i dont know why but i just get this temptation to tell her..........i wont act on it and i know if i should tell anyone it should be my mum but im not ready yet!


thanks
and im sorry this is sooooooooooooo super long :P

but any words of wisdom

and my cutting has gottan worse because of her!

[Miss Punk]

Do you want to tell her because you think it will hurt her? Do you have anyone else who you could possibly tell who could help you? If you think it's not a good idea you should be very careful. Take care x

[Char_x]

Aaw, what a situation to be in :(. If i was in your shoes i dont think i'd tell her. Do you have a close friend or a close relative you can talk to?.

[Tankgirlpookie]

you probably right because i dont want to talk to my mum about it but it does cross my mind i will be sitting in front of my mum and ready to talk to her and tell her im cutting again but then all these thourghts cross my mind scared of her reacation so on so forth, i probably do just want to hurt tracey she has hurt me and i dont wish her any ill will or for anything bad to happen in her life and im a very logical person so i know that telling her will only be an act of complete and utter selfish bitter spite to attack her in that way...........because i guess thats what it is a form of attack to get back at her for lying and betraying my trust!

no i dont really have anyone close to talk to i have a really small family and not a great deal of close friends as i say i keep everyone at arms length and i guess the one person i let in past my defences was tracey and i guess i feel like that was a HUGE mistake on my part.

Thank you for clarity on this XX

[Miss Punk]

Don't worry, it's not a mistake to let down your defences, it can be a good thing but sometimes other people make mistakes too and so we feel we've let in the wrong people or were wrong to tell anyone at all, but it's not your own fault. I hope you manage to work it out, do you think your mum would be able to help you, or would you really rather she didn't know? Best wishes x

[Tankgirlpookie]

my mum did know i was cutting before she made me promise never to do it again! so i feel like i really dont want to tell her because of that reason i dont want her to feel broken for my stupid coping mechinism of life which is probably the other reason i wanted to tell tracey was because she was helping me with this before i had stop because of her for 3 week!

[bmanster]

hey tankgirlpookie ive talked to u in the past about ur cutting and just wanted to say im sry that u cant trust anyone, if it makes u feel better i dnt cut but with my shitty life its hard for me to trust others as well..
sry other have to go threw this bull shit

[Axellance]

Ok, as i see it probably your best option is to seek professional help at this point... just sit down with your mom and say something like "I am really struggling to stay away from cutting...and I am really upset lately is there any way that you could get me to a therapist because I think that would help me out a lot" this way you don't actually have to tell her you are cutting again. I know you mat have a lot of anxiety about seeing someone but it will really help you out in the long one and its not as scary as you think. http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=38277 read the section about professional help in this thread, i think it will help ease some of the anxiety.

[Tankgirlpookie]

Thank you guys!
i will definintly give it some thought your completely right!

Thanks again!